Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I felt some serious gas building up while at the supermarket. I tried to quietly fart it out, only to end up sharting myself. I had to frantically waddle out of the store as discreetly as possible as several people in the vicinity freaked out and tried to locate the source of the smell. FML
Today, I gave myself a hernia while farting. FML
Today, I’ve been having the worst gas, nausea, and stomach pain of my life and literally nothing I do works. While I was at work, I farted but it came from the inside out; it was so loud there’s no way everyone didn’t hear it. My stomach started bubbling so loud, the guy sitting behind me got up and walked away. FML
Today, I had some pretty bad stomach pain, so I went to the bathroom. After a few minutes, two girls walked in, taking stalls next to me. That's when my farts began to get very large and explosive. Not only did they break into laughter, they waited for me to come out. FML
Today, I thought I was going to shit myself at work. I speed-walked all the way to the bathroom clenching for dear life. Barely got my pants down while simultaneously sitting and unleashing. After all that, it was just a gigantic fart. FML
Today, I got home with stomach pain and immediately did a 10 second long farting, splattering, spluttering shit into the toilet. Now I know the walls are thin in my flat, but I wasn’t expecting the hot guy next door to say to me through the wall, “Jesus, are you alright in there?” FML
Today, I went to the restroom to pee. A loud fart exploded out of my ass and echoed in the toilet bowl. I could practically feel my face on fire when I saw the horrified look on a little girl's face as I walked out. FML
Today, I tried to let out a small fart in a crowded restaurant. I had diarrhea. I walked past several families to get to the bathroom and clean myself up, only to still go home with a huge wet spot down my ass. My shirt wasn't long enough to hide it. FML
Today, I really had to take a shit. My coworker had gone on lunch break and I was alone in the shop. There were no customers, so to the can I went. Cue a long series of loud wet farts and splashes, followed by the flush. I emerged to see the horrified face of some old lady and her grandson who'd heard everything. FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML
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Top comments
mysadlyfe 9
I lost it at "my asshole went numb" sorry op!! sounds embarassing!
ForFudgeSake 6
You should have gone somewhere farter away.
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Comments (97)
bookie1981 7
Maybe he was choking from the smell?
91hayek 31
I like how you started with 'gastric distress' having me think you were a demure, proper lady too polite to type out 'fart'. Then suddenly I'm reading graphic descriptions of the numbness of your sphincter. This FML getting a gold star from me.
magikarpsmurfs 19
You know it's a good one when your chili hole goes numb. I think your neighbor was quietly impressed & jealous of your superior farting prowess. So you left him speechless.
dudeman1212 22
Talk about explosive first impressions
corn_flake 19
That is why you stay inside to rip yourself a new asshole lol
RedPillSucks 33
And foul up the house?!
buckdharma 38
Op, you expect me to believe that your fart left your ass, climbed over a fence, and entered your neighbor's nasal passages, producing a cough I might add, in one second? I tend to believe the shot came from the gassy troll, a second pooter, if I may.
Brandi_Faith 34
I think the neighbours cough may have been more of an embarrassing "WTF?" Or an "I totally just heard that" kind of cough.
Kiki242 19
I love the fact that you had to limp. That was the fart of all farts.
abc_1_2_3 12
A fart that made you yelp in pain? Left your asshole numb? Wow must have been some fart, sounds impressive xD
False_Stupidity 42
Love your username OP, totally applies to anyone contemplating one of those overused xx situation puns. Oh and that fart.. really impressive!
False_Stupidity 42
I meant to add, There's no shame in letting rip with such an impressive monster. You should have stayed where you were and owned up to that one with pride!
worldclassrager 41
Change your diet that might help