Today, I watched a grizzled old gas station attendant, with a stain on her blouse, use my driver's license to pick something out of her teeth. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I finally went to the DMV to replace my lost license. After waiting for almost two hours, I casually rummaged through my purse. Something strange inside the lining caught my eye. It was my license. FML
Today, a 65 year old toothless gas station attendant asked me out on a date in exchange for free gas, and I said yes. This is what my unemployment has come to. FML
Today, a cute thirty-ish chick walked into the bar I work in. I asked her for her license to make her feel young. She didn't have her license on her and started yelling about how stupid it was to even ask, when she obviously was old enough to drink. She then got up and left. FML
Today, I watched my girlfriend slowly floss her teeth, and then eat what showed up on the floss. FML
Today, while at work in the service department of a car dealership, I sat in the driver seat of an old man's car to get the mileage. He'd just pissed in the seat. FML
Today, I was at work when a customer, who was going to pay for her groceries, started sorting through her money. She put some coins in her mouth, seemed to suck on them for a while, and then gave them to me. FML
Today, I took my daughter to the grocery store. The bag boy seemed to be flirting with me and smiling. He had to be half my age. Once in the car I glimpsed myself in the rear view mirror. I had chocolate completely covering one of my front teeth. FML
Today, I went to the school dentist for the yearly routine check. She took ages trying to clean out my teeth with the metal toothpick-thing, constantly hitting my gums. After half an hour of pain and spitting blood, she looks up and says, laughing: "Oh, I forgot to put my glasses on". FML
Today, I had to renew my driver's license at the DMV. Earlier, I was in a play and was still covered in stage makeup. I didn't realize that not all of it had come off until after my picture was taken and put on my new license. For the next three years, I'll be the guy with the dark eyeliner. FML
Today, while I was working in the drive-through at work, a lady was wearing kitchen oven-mitts and a snorkeling mask instead of gloves and a mask to pick up her prescription. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
saint_jimmy 0
After she gives it back to you, stick it down your pants and scratch your ass with it. Then just walk away. . .
Ancarnia 0
be happy it was her teeth she fiddled with.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (110)
erika622 0
hahahahaha please tell me u told her to keep it
BabyyBecca 0
#39 I can't spell for shit ;DD
aback 5
I'm not sure who I feel sorrier for.
beckybones76 0
?
Moo_Horse 0
punch her in the face. problem solved. and take some gum and snacks before u go
kemando 22
didn't you read? She's probably butchy! and carries a 6 shooter.
whygivein 0
for her birthday give her floss
N1NJ4M4573R 0
i think you should make her pick her teeth out of her gums.(by punching her in the face)
boredtotears 0
a gift for buying cigarettes/alcohol
awsomeroncat22 0
Ask to speak to her manager insist she gets fired and u get some sort of free thing if he says no grab your licence and what ever looks valuable on the counter then punch them both in the face and go out side and dip what u grabbed is gasoline
settledownbeavis 0
i think the OP mentioned the stain on her blouse cuz it was a cum stain and she just finished swallowing a load. thats why he was disgusted when she stuck it in her mouth. you people are slow.
lilprince22 0
hahaha