Today, I took my kids to our local swimming pool. When we arrived, there were several cop cars parked outside and a group of officers interrogating a creepy, haggard-looking old man who was in handcuffs on the bench. As we got closer, I realized the man was my ex-husband. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to NYPD detectives banging on my door with flashlights, looking for some criminal who used to live in my house. Apparently, when they showed the man's mugshot to my neighbors upstairs, for some reason they identified the man as my husband. FML
Today, I had to bail my ex-husband out of jail. He didn't want his new wife to get mad at him. FML
Today, I was at the pool with two boys I babysit. The eldest wouldn't get out of the pool so I pretended to call his dad. He then ran out of the pool, pushed me down, grabbed my phone, chucked it into the pool and then ran back into the pool. FML
Today, my ex-girlfriend was supposed to come pick up her things, and while I waited I took a nap. Thirty minutes later, I woke up with two police officers hammering on my door. They'd come to get my ex-girlfriend's things and said they were "watching me." That's the last time I date a cop's daughter. FML
Today, I got a call from the police that my house had been burglarized, but an off-duty cop caught the criminal. I pull up to see my detained, psycho ex-boyfriend sheepishly grinning at me. He had three of my lace panties and two of my bras, claiming it was "all for memories' sake". FML
Today, I took my kids to the park. I saw my daughter playing with a kid who looked familiar. Turns out he was my ex’s son, whom I haven’t seen in years. I thought it was cute they played so well together, until my ex’s new girlfriend came over, screaming that I was trying to use my kid to get to her man. FML
Today, I took my son to the playground and watched him have fun. Minutes later, I was being shoved around and called a pedophile because I was there alone with no wife. By the time I convinced them I was innocent, my son was bawling. FML
Today, while in the waiting room at the dentist's office, I looked up at the news on the TV to see my husband's mugshot. FML
Today, a bunch of cops showed up at my house demanding to see my wife to make sure she was OK. Turns out my insane out-of-state daughter swatted me, calling 911 to tell them I had tied up my wife, and been impersonating her for a week. FML
Today, I took my step-kids and left my abusive husband. I've just been informed that I'm being accused of kidnapping. FML
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Top comments
Bogrbon 27
All things considered, I guess that’s why he’s your ex. Sucks for the kids to see him like that if that’s their dad.
Marcella1016 32
To be fair, he probably looks like a lot of us do these days (sigh...pandemic). I barely leave the house, so my hair is a mess, I’ve put on weight, I haven’t been styled or tweezed, etc. And it shows. I look like ass when I go anywhere like for groceries or whatever lol. Could he be the male version of that? Or is he just like a creepy hobo now stalking his kids at the playground? May be harder to tell the difference these days lol
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Comments (4)
RichardPencil 32
You ruined his life by leaving him. Don't you feel guilty?
Bogrbon 27
All things considered, I guess that’s why he’s your ex. Sucks for the kids to see him like that if that’s their dad.
Marcella1016 32
To be fair, he probably looks like a lot of us do these days (sigh...pandemic). I barely leave the house, so my hair is a mess, I’ve put on weight, I haven’t been styled or tweezed, etc. And it shows. I look like ass when I go anywhere like for groceries or whatever lol. Could he be the male version of that? Or is he just like a creepy hobo now stalking his kids at the playground? May be harder to tell the difference these days lol
DanielleinDC 34
Clearly there's a reason he's your ex husband.