Today, I was just about to sit down to watch my favorite TV show when my dog jumped over the back of my couch, landed on my head and tried to jump through the window. I now have concussion and a window to replace, all because of a bird. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a bird ran into my window. My overzealous cat ran at it like the Flash and smashed his face in the window. He yelped and ran away, then as I was running to see if he was OK, I slammed my face in the door jamb. FML
Today, I was walking in the kitchen with my parrot on my shoulder and my dog running around. Something freaked out my bird and she bit my ear and started flapping her wings in my face. Surprised, I took a step back, tripped over my dog, fell, hit my head on the stove, and got knocked unconscious. FML
Today, a stray dog came up to my living room window. My pitbull went into attack mode and tried to jump through said window, while it was closed. Now I have to pay to replace the window, and pay to get stitches for my idiot dog. FML
Today, I was caring for a bird that had flown into my window. I thought the poor thing wouldn't make it, when it shit in my hand, flew into my neck, then around my living room for ages before I could manage to get it out of the window. FML
Today, I was showing off my new pet bird to my friends over video chat. I opened the cage to demonstrate how friendly he was. Instead of perching on my finger like usual, he flew out the window. I spent the next hour chasing him around the neighborhood in my pajamas. FML
Today, I walked out into my backyard. As I did so, my dogs ran past me, slamming the sliding door off its track. I went to catch it, and knocked the bird cage over. To complete the fumble, as I turned to catch the bird cage, I stepped in a dog turd. I wasn't wearing shoes. We're all okay, but… FML
Today, my dog decided to fly through the front door like Superman. All 180lbs of her promptly slammed sideways into the wall, putting a dog-sized hole in the plaster. FML
Today, instead of waking up to soft sunlight creeping in the window or the gentle trill of birds, I was awakened by the sound of my dog vomiting all over my bed. FML
Today, my cat tried to jump up to the window, and missed. This would have been hilarious if I had not been sleeping under that same window, and then caught him with my face. FML
Today, I found a dead bird on my windshield. Thinking I was clever, I turned on my windshield wipers to get the bird off. Unfortunately, the dead bird fell through my open window and onto my lap. FML
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Top comments
dan13mey 0
But...is the dog ok?
LucianDeSouza 4
Well having a pet means you have a package of fortunate and unfortunate events .
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Comments (163)
iNomBaconz 0
Well... I recommend you caress your dog while humming show tunes and embedding the broken glass into pears, apples, etc.. Then when the EMT's get there shout "I am not insane!" and throw the spiky fruit at your cabinets. This will make a magical unicorn appear and he will then guide you to... Hah jk op.. FYL.
RebekahBrooke 9
Listen, if you're high, please don't go on FML.
iNomBaconz 0
I'm high on life sister! :D
My_Nightmare 19
Why even post a comment if you're just gonna put "jk" at the end of it? Kinda draws from the sarcasm and/or comedy. Not that this was either
iNomBaconz 0
I like turtles :3
THE_A_TEEN 28
I kill turtles, :3
iNomBaconz 0
I eat forks. :3
THE_A_TEEN 28
I stab annoying fml people with forks, :3
DocBastard 40
I lost 41 IQ points just from reading this thread. Thank a lot you...uh, so stupid um yeah.
BeBeast2323 1
I can only say.... Close the curtains so your dog can't see out the window..
My_Nightmare 19
Yeah, who likes natural light anyway?
BeBeast2323 1
Exactly
hinchkongfang 0
Maybe he could borrow the woman's beef curtains from the earlier FML, they sounded pretty big!!!
HonestlyHonest 0
Looks like somebody needs a cat.
jennyc246 8
I'm pretty sure cats are more fond of birds. Plus they have claws.
ninjuh_wingman 29
the bird be trolling
My_Nightmare 19
Hooyah
akallaan 7
Are you sure you're not exaggerating about a concussion? I played football and am in paramedic school. That's highly unlikely unless this dog is pretty heavy and jumped from a high distance and even then that's more of a neck injury.
DocBastard 40
A concussion is a clinical diagnosis, typically characterised by loss of consciousness from any kind of head trauma. Perhaps OP fell and hit his head and suffered the concussion. I'm not sure why playing football or being in paramedic school makes you an expert on either concussions or the validity of OP's claim.
marpay 11
The dog might of slammed his head into the window frame or something.
akallaan 7
Yes, a concussion can cause loss of unconsciousness; however, that is too broad of an answer. A concussion is where the soft tissues of the brain hits the hard surface of the skull. It usually results from substantial blows to the head such as a bike wreck, a fall, or even a car crash which may also cause a Coup Contre-Coup injury. Football allowed me to see/experience head injuries first hand. I know the forces it can take, but this also involved pads and everyone obtains injuries at different amounts of force. Paramedic is obvious, but let me elaborate. I have taken many years of anatomy and physiology, studied specifically on head trauma, and need to be able to deduce internal injuries from the accident. Also in the post, OP said nothing about hitting their head on any object. Just the dog landing on OP which would most likely injure his or her neck.
deviable 9
If the dogs head collided with ops head then that could cause a concussion I think. Also, I'm pretty sure a paramedic would know something about head injuries.
DocBastard 40
Akallan - Thanks for the explanation of what a concussion is. Deviable - I'm a trauma surgeon, so I'm pretty sure I know about head injuries as well, and possibly a bit more than a paramedic student.
theghost1309 11
But some people are more probe to concussions are they not? And op did say the dog landed on his head but didnt say where his head was at the time of the collision.
theghost1309 11
Prone*
akallaan 7
Jersabell, notice I said "substantial"(Considerable in importance, value, degree, amount, or extent) blow. Awkward silence....
theghost1309 11
Akallan- but what does substantial have to be in this case? Cause I've seen people who have gotten the slightest of bumps to the head receive concussions, and others who've gotten a severe blow not get concussions. It really depends on the person not the amount of force (though that is a factor). And unless you were the doctor who saw op how can you doubt the credibility of op saying he got a concussion? And just curious, but are you a fully qualified emt?
margie2194 12
I am no doctor or paramedic or affiliated with anything remotely related to medicine, but I like to consider myself as a logical thinker and I have to agree with #18 Its very unlikely that OP got a concussion because I don't believe a sofa is that far from the ground and further more I don't believe that OP's house is made of concrete.
xSynergY 8
Time for the dog whisperer to come and train that b!t#h!
smexehXredhead0 0
The poor dog!
lizliz23 0
is the dog ok
My_Nightmare 19
Are you the owner of Underdog by any chance?!
BeBeast2323 1
Haha! Maybe OP is! That would be awesome...
mossyg 0
u must have got smoked extremely hard by your dog to get a concussion
Feklfekl2222 32
Smoked????
Oritsuru 13
Smoked..that brings up plenty of interpretations of the word in this context.