Today, after taking my girlfriend on a date, she invited me back to her place for "hot coffee and dessert." Excitedly, I said yes. When we got there, we actually had coffee and dessert. When I told her this wasn't what I'd had in mind, she kicked me out for being a pervert. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I went on a date with a girl my friend set me up with. I thought we got along great, until after dessert, when I asked if she'd be interested in doing this again. She just said, "Nahhh" then got up and casually left, stiffing me on the bill. FML
Today, I asked my crush out for coffee but she wanted to go shopping. When she pulled me into the dressing room for my opinion on a bikini, I told her this was too fast for a first date. She looked at me in absolute horror. She thought I was gay, as in a harmless gay friend she could take shopping. FML
Today, I was on a date with a girl I've had feelings for since I was 14 (I'm 22). I took her out to dinner, then to a movie that we both liked and had a few drinks afterwards. I thought it was going really well until I was driving her home and she asked to be dropped off at her boyfriend's house. FML
Today, I went on a date. After we finished our meal, I had to use the bathroom really bad. When I said so, my date totally lost it and accused me of planning on climbing out a window and ditching her. "Fuck that and fuck you!" she said, then stormed out, leaving me with the bill. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out for lunch, and I asked her if I could have a bite of her meal. She took it to mean I was calling her fat, and stormed out. FML
Today, I went on a date. I took her out to an expensive steak house. When she was done eating, she got up, said she was married, and told me she only accepted the date because I'd be paying for it. FML
Today, I invited my girlfriend to go eat out, hoping to put her in a really romantic mood. She decided to tell her friend, who then invited herself and another couple along. I ended up being made fifth wheel, and had to sit alone at an adjacent table. FML
Today, I went on a coffee date with a new girl. It was over less than a minute in, when I ordered a black coffee. She lectured me about how I "obviously" have a "seriously fragile ego." I just like black coffee. FML
Today, I met and asked a cute girl out on a date. We decided to meet at a fancy restaurant downtown. When I got there I saw her sitting with what turned out to be her parents. They made a huge scene, calling me a pedophile and a low-life. Apparently, the girl was 16 years-old. I'm 25. FML
Today, I went on a coffee date. It turned out to be a mistake - not because he was bad, but because I forgot how much coffee upsets my stomach. Yup, it makes me need to poop, and I did. In my jeans. As he drove me home. Not quite the "run" of fun we’d planned. FML
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Top comments
ydi_ruuc 0
you expect to much...
irishfever 0
Just because you took her on a date you automatically get sex?
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Comments (242)
lambiee 0
lmao this has happend to me before but the other way around. i invited my neighbor/good friend over because i had "frozen banana split pop tarts" and he came over anxiously and told all of his friends we were gonna bang, but we had pop tarts.
DGross 8
lol... epic disappointment on his part I bet... oh well, if that's all he cared about it probably wasn't to big of a loss for you
ChuckRebel 0
how intimate could u get with a frozen banana anyways? u shoulda expected that
ChuckRebel 0
HE shoulda expected that, muh bad
corme_fml 0
I can see taking 'hot coffee and dessert' as sex... but how in the world did your friend think 'frozen banana split pop tarts' = banging? Must be some new position I'm not aware of :P
Tyrex26 6
All I'm hearing was that your neighbour got free pop tarts.
spikey818 9
sometimes u have to take things literal
FMLrockzdude 0
eeeewwwwyy I was like what? and I was all like eeeewwwwwwyyy nasty nasty nasty cuz now my brain is scard for life wid dat image
Zigma_fml 0
I didn't even know that was a sexual innuendo.
corme_fml 0
"You want to come in for some 'coffee'?" "Want to go back to my place for some 'dessert'?" Much classier then saying "You want to come in for sex?"
Brittanysway420 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Ok, wait, she was your girlfriend? And you guys had, had sex before? I say get a new girlfriend! PS most the time even if we don't want it, you can touch us into it, lol!
iwadasn 33
Way to promote date rape...
elegantlywasted1 3
ha, no doubt "but really, if you'd just have let me touch her more she would've consented for sure!!"
do20ss 4
o man that was funny^
PandasRtheShit 0
OP never said that they had sex before
Quest_ 13
I actually think #17 should be deleted, for the reason 67 stated. It really creeps me out how you could even think it is acceptable to broadcast that way of thinking to a forum full of thirteen year old boys.
Sun_Kissed18 25
"Get a new girlfriend"? Because she actually wanted to do something over than screw her boyfriend?? Oh sorry for her wanting an actual relationship. And no, touching does not always mean that you'll get sex. If your not in the mood, your not in the mood. And agreed with everyone above me, that's like promoting rapists...
flcl2 2
god Brittneysway420, thank you for being the only honest girl on here. I understand that in 'girl society,' the worst thing to be labeled as is a ****. a girl who admits enjoying sex? what's that? oh noes, not me! I'm pure like fresh snow! "DO YOU LOVE ME NOW DADDY!? DO YOU RESPECT ME MORE NOW!?" puh-lease. don't be naive. cut the bull.
corme_fml 0
Nice to see an honest woman on here #17. Yes the guy was a douche bag for straight out saying he expected sex and pretty much turning down her nice gesture of coffee and dessert. A good guy would have enjoyed the move and waited for her to be ready another night. A suave boyfriend would have enjoyed the coffee and dessert and used it as a way to start up a romantic night. (kind of like you suggested...) I'm guessing the OP has never had sex with his GF... so was excited when she suggested going back to her place for 'dessert.' That or he's an idiot and referring to a first date girl as his GF.
jweezy89 4
#143 You are a complete ******. Or maybe lesbian, it's hard to tell which by your pic.
Alicestraza 33
#399, #143 is gorgeous. No need to be homophobic either.
Joey7361 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
no but seriously he said his gf not sum random girl! who invites sumone for coffee and dessert after a date fyl bro
sammiking 13
It doesn't matter even if it was his wife...
BM13HC 0
I know everyone's gonna say this, but YDI for being a perv >.> <.<
ButterflyLadyBug 14
Haha. What did you think she meant?? Ydi.
taycandy96 2
I would've kicked you out too.
aardvarkish 17
OMG! Was the coffee cold?