Today, I had to go to the emergency room with my sister, due to involuntary muscle spasms she was having. They gave her a muscle relaxer which caused her to be extremely tired and loopy. She decided to start singing loudly with a song she made up about buttfucking. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up next to my roommate staring in horror. She said I was singing and farting in my sleep. Loudly. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend on our couch. Meanwhile, my parents came to visit us without telling me. FML
Today, I was trying to explain to my mom that I've been having panic attacks. I ended up having a panic attack from talking about having a panic attack. FML
Today, I was feeling terrible and posted on Facebook about how I was stressed out and feeling really lonely. My sister replied saying "#fatfuckproblems". 13 people liked it and some so-called friends posted stuff like "rekt" and "SLAYED, bitch!", all in less than a minute. FML
Today, my husband and I woke up to see my drunk mother passed out on our couch. She was wearing nothing but socks. FML
Today, I underwent surgery and feeling rather groggy upon being awoken, I very loudly declared, "I've always had a thing for doctors. Kiss me?" then promptly giggled, tried to launch myself in a random doctor's arms and fell flat on my face. FML
Today, I tried to wash my cat in the shower, conveniently naked myself. He disapproved, scratching my man-parts and nicking a vein. I just got back from the hospital with an infection, swollen nuts, and a hole in my butt for which I had to get a shot of antibiotics. FML
Today, my family went on vacation. I had to stay home to take care of everyone's animals. I called my mom, who said she was too busy to talk to me. When my sister asked her who was on the phone, she replied, "The dog sitter." FML
Today, I was with my 3 year-old son in the doctor's office. During the exam, he informed the doctor that he doesn't sleep in mommy's bed anymore because mommy sleeps in her underwear and farts all night long. FML
Today, my boss's obese bully of a grandson had a seizure. Being the only physician around, I had to rush in to tend to him. Except it wasn't a seizure as such. My daughter had found my taser and used it on him. FML
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Top comments
grayeyedmarine 14
what what in the butt
lilhellian 27
Butt **** here, butt **** there, butt **** everywhere!
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Comments (74)
Cheeley 17
Looks like Nicki Minaj finally has some competition.
Flegmatik 16
Record it and post it on youtube
olpally 33
Reminds me of a family guy episode... Peter starts singing about "cowboy gay/butt sex and sodomy." Lol. YouTube it for a laugh folks :)
EVnIAS 13
A long time ago there were two cowboys alone on a trail!
J15237 25
I immedietly thought of Family Guy also. Only about that episode where he was trying to sell Butt Sratchers.
grayeyedmarine 14
whys it got to be a creepy male nurse... I've met far more creepy female nurses
Epikouros 32
Don't worry, butt sex won't hurt if her sphincter's relaxed.
firefighter925 18
Hey bro take the few next rounds out, grab you a soda or somethin.
firefighter925 18
next few rounds*
Adhdkid107 9
How....old is your sister...?
stevothedevo 25
Old enough to party
Adhdkid107 9
Yeah but that's like 10 year olds now a days
therealafroninga 10
Old enough to bleed, old enough for me.
Grand_Cookie 21
Hahaha!!
firefighter925 18
Well don't be a party pooper join in!
firefighter925 18
#24 You ain't kidding about that! there are some weird girl nurses. but normally they turn out to be a lady of the street but a freak in the bed. haha
firefighter925 18
Wait... Its not?