Today, a man in a hurry asked me for a light. Not being able to find my lighter amongst the muddle inside my handbag, I handed him my lit cigarette so he could light his. He took it from me, started smoking it and walked off. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, some guy asked me if he could borrow my lighter. I said "of course," reached into my handbag, and gave him the lighter. He stared at me for a few seconds until I realised I'd given him a tampax. FML
Today, I begged a coworker to let me borrow her lighter for my smoke break, since I'd lost mine. She was reluctant because of my track record of losing the darn things. After my break I stopped to use the restroom really quick, and promptly dropped the lighter into the toilet. FML
Today, I was at a bar and met this great guy. He was going outside for a smoke and I wanted to go too. Since I don't smoke, I decided to borrow one of my friends cigarettes as an excuse to go outside with him. As I was lighting the cigarette, he pointed out that I was lighting the wrong end. FML
Today, I was walking past a homeless guy while smoking; he asked if he could have a cigarette. So I gave him one and said without thinking, "Sorry, it’s a menthol, but beggars can't be choosers." FML
Today, I gave a man a cigarette. He spent the rest of the day so far following me around, telling me all about his medical history, and chasing after me when I got too far away. I couldn't get rid of him for hours. FML
Today, on my way home from grocery shopping, two young adults around my age came up and asked me for a lighter. Thinking they just needed it to light a cigarette, I handed them my only lighter. They immediately ran away. I got robbed for a 1.99$ lighter. FML
Today, I got punched in the face after a stranger asked for a light, didn't realize it was a butane lighter and burnt the tip of his nose lighting his cigarette. Now my nose looks worse than his. FML
Today, a man pulled a knife on me just so he could mug me of the cigarette I was smoking. FML
Today, a homeless guy asked me for a cigarette. Knowing that I only had a couple left in my pack, I gave it to him. He opened it, took one out and thanked me profusely. A bit surprised, I went on my way. Oh yeah, that's right, the pack contained the money I'd withdrawn from an ATM. FML
Today, I asked a guy if he could buy me a pack of cigarettes, since I'm still under 18. He took my money, went into the supermarket, and must have slipped out a side-entrance, because he never came back. FML
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Top comments
CallMeWindSock 24
Maybe it was a sign for you to quit smoking.
HowieDoIt 21
Joke's on him! He took the ricin cigarette.
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Comments (134)
Anonomusturd 9
That reminds me of this one time a guy asked me for a cigarette and I replied "I'll kill you" (translating to: I'll let you finish the last few drags) They didn't get the reference and it was hilarious and awkward, he wouldn't take the cigarette even after I explained it lol
museerux01 10
i dont get it :x
Ins0mau 20
I haven't heard of that phrase before.
Anonomusturd 9
Yeah, I guess it was just a thing in my area. It's like you kill it by finishing it off, if that makes any sense. Basically, the saying is "I'll give you kill" or "I'll let you kill it" or a variation of that so I said "I'll kill you" because I was hung-over and wasn't thinking about it. Awkward silence, then I explained it, everyone laughed and we were all just happy no one was getting killed. It's hard to explain the humor of the moment, it was just extremely tense for a second and the next minute we were all laughing about it and having fun.
lb0812 18
Taking a cigarette that she handed to him is hardly theft. I don't think it was really even that far fetched a mistake on his part... In my observation, it seems a lot of smokers don't mind sharing the same cigarette, blunt, hookah pipe etc.
TheyCallMeDamien 18
That's not that bad.
wobbley 9
At least if you had given the lighter he might have stolen that. Id rather lose half a fag than that.
Itsadisaster 13
Yeeesh the tobacco police are out in full force.
museerux01 10
Well did you tell him why you were handing him the cigarette???
soldiat_fml 17
At least he didn't recoil in disgust.
FimogenFeels 14
Cry me a river. He stole a cigarette.
alwaysmalia 12
Why is this an fml? Just light a new one
justjoshuaaa 9
I've never seen an FML more deserving of the "you deserved it" status than this one.