Today, my partner and I got called out to a domestic disturbance. Things turned ugly while we were en-route. Long story short, I now know how many grown men it takes to lift a nearly 400lb shit-covered woman onto a stretcher. I almost reconsidered my choice of career. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I helped an elderly woman carry her suitcase down a flight of stairs. When I got to the bottom, a man tackled me to the ground thinking I was stealing the woman's luggage. As I lay in pain, he ran up the stairs to return the suitcase and the poor woman had to carry it down on her own. FML
Today, I saw a very attractive young woman struggling with some boxes. The seduction attempt resulted in me carrying 60lbs of items for 30mins. When we got to her apartment, she thanked me and introduced me to her boyfriend. FML
Today, on my job as a police officer, I received a typical domestic disturbance call. Not so typical was the address. Guess my wife's affair went terribly wrong while I was on shift. FML
Today, I realised just how grossly out of shape I am, when I started violently sweating, felt light-headed, and almost blacked out. All this from helping my sister shift a sofa from the move-in truck to her living room. FML
Today, my husband was finally moving out. I picked up his enormous duffle bag full of clothes to help get him out faster, and I threw out my back. I now can't move. I can't even wipe my own ass. FML
Today, I sold some weights that were way too heavy for me on Craigslist. I felt okay with not being able to lift them when I saw the other man, who was a pretty buff dude; that is until of course he informed me he was buying them for his wife. FML
Today, proving that there's no limit to the stupid shit people will do, my husband called me from hospital, needing a lift home. He tried planking on top of his car while his buddies sped it down a hill, and I now have to take care of him while his broken leg heals. FML
Today, I answered the door at my boyfriend's house to an obese woman, who looked and smelled homeless, and rudely tried to barge past me to get inside. I told her to get out or I’d call the police. My boyfriend behind me saw this disgusting woman and said those two awful words: “Hi Mom.” FML
Today, I found an upside to being morbidly obese. My partner got a flat tyre, and the bolts had rusted tight, making it impossible for him to turn the wrench. I had to put my substantial weight behind it, and in the end we managed to get them all off by me jumping on the wrench each time. FML
Today, while working at my truck stop, I helped a trucker check his tires. He seemed like a pretty nice guy, and we chatted for a bit. After he took off and I walked back inside, I went to clean the shower he was in before. Turns out he took a shit on the floor. His wife had been in there with him. FML
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Top comments
Miss_Chevious 37
I would have said it could've been worse... but really, I got nothing.
david66_fml 20
I'm kinda curious as to how something like that happens. We need a follow up!
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Comments (92)
Thomas1605 13
What a shitty day.
XxDanno316xX 27
Get out.
rapunzel1012 11
What a shitty joke.
beeferjay 34
whoever makes a shit pun will reap all the karma that has built up since the creation of the internet by Al Gore - Abraham Lincoln
corky1992 33
Talk about a bad day on the job. That's disgusting. I'm sorry. I appreciate the things officers have to do every day! I wouldn't be able to do it.
guther_unicorn 15
Grandpa: "Let me tell a story kids... How many men do you need to lift a 400 lbs-woman?"
Zebediabolical 45
I can't be the only one wondering... HOW MANY?
allforfun 23
You must be new, heh heh. Come talk to me when you've got twenty years in like I do. Sounds like your call wasn't all that bad
pokemyeyes 23
Whats your worst?
jcole1020 2
That's like the normal calls anymore. But just so people know never EVER ask us what our worst calls were
allforfun 23
You don't want to know. And yeah don't ask.
allforfun 23
No doubt. If there's no bodily fluids it's a bonus. Funny, people don't ask soldiers "what's the worst thing youve seen?"
Elban 20
I do, but they usually don't want to talk about it. 1/5 maybe
laden_swallow09 35
Don't want anyone to ask, don't bring it up. Also don't be a dick. Even spending decades on the force doesn't grant you immunity to getting called out on your shitty behavior. If you think you're so badass, go ahead and tell us. I could use a giggle.
allforfun 23
I can't tell you due to privacy laws. I can lose my certifications and licenses and be fined tens of thousands of dollars. And trust me you don't want to know.
cheeeksss 29
Can't talk about it due to privacy laws, but openly invites to come talk about it - as stated in your first comment. Nice.
autismom1999 8
I'm a nurse, we have similar privacy laws actually ours may be stricter. You can talk about it, as long as you never mention anyone's name, specifics on where it happened, or identifying factors about the person. If you leave those facts out you can talk about it. I've had a patient who holds degrees in medicine make me lose a little faith in the human race. this guy came in with a few irritated none healing lesions in the crack of his but. when asked by the doctor what could've come contact with area the patient...... "their has been no HUMAN contact to the area but I'm wondering if DOGS can spread herpes". WTF the man is over 50 years old, we know call him a pet-o-file we couldn't get our doc to report him for animal abuse
7and7is 20
So, how many?
riddle143 15
Had to read all the comments to make sure I wasn't the only one thinking this.
mixximoo 24
At least you won't be the one cleaning her or the mess up
buckdharma 38
I'm thinking this 400lb woman got in a fight with her pet monkey because she ate all his bananas. Monkey see, monkey do, do.
mas12806 24
Let's start w/ where the 400lbs came from, then the disturbance, then the shit. We appreciate you OP!!