Today, I went to Starbucks to use the bathroom. After I knocked on the door and turned the handle, a little old lady ripped the door open and yelled, "I WAS TAKING A DUMP. YOU WANNA COME IN AND WIPE MY SHIT? DO YOU?!" and then continued to ask me the same question for five minutes. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was at work at McDonald's, at the front counter when an elderly lady came up to me and whispered, "I just shit everywhere in your restroom," then turned around and walked out the door. FML
Today, I was using the restroom when a little girl tried to open my stall. It was locked, so she slid under the door and tried to have a conversation with me while I was pooping. FML
Today, I really had to take a shit. My coworker had gone on lunch break and I was alone in the shop. There were no customers, so to the can I went. Cue a long series of loud wet farts and splashes, followed by the flush. I emerged to see the horrified face of some old lady and her grandson who'd heard everything. FML
Today, I went to the bathroom in a mall. As I was in the stall, a woman tried to open it. I yelled out that's it was occupied but she kept shaking it to open it. It came up to the point where she had to crawl under the door to see that I was there. FML
Today, I was using the bathroom at Costco when a janitor forced my door open so she could mop, then didn't bother to close it again. Apparently, the handicapped stall was too big for her to see me sitting in the corner, and I had to awkwardly squat-walk all the way to the door to close it. FML
Today, I had to stop at a gas station to go to the bathroom. A sign on the door told people to knock since the door didn't lock. As I was peeing, a lady walked in on me. Rather than simply saying sorry and shutting the damn door, she opened it wider and stepped in to apologize. FML
Today, I was at a new shopping mall. After an hour, I desperately needed to use the bathroom. Spotting one, I ran inside, locked myself in a cubicle and relieved myself. The toilet paper was out so I knocked on the cubicle beside me to ask for some. A lady's voice answered. She needed some too. FML
Today, my friend and I were having a conversation in the ladies’ room. Suddenly, we hear banging from one of the stalls and, “Can you talk somewhere else? Some of us are trying to poop.” FML
Today, I had to use the bathroom really badly in a drug store. After I did a #2, just as I realized the handle on the toilet was broken, a knock came at the door. I tried fixing it for ten minutes, before slipping out the door, to come face to face with two employees coming to fix the toilet. FML
Today, my mom decided to infodump on me as I came home needing to take a shit. She wouldn't stop talking and calling me back when I tried to walk off. I couldn't get a word in, and she was ignoring my gestures. She's now calling me disrespectful because I finally ran off and dropped a loud one in the toilet. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
strandedinalimo 0
DO YOU??
Quest_ 13
YDI for being one of those people who don't wait for a response after knocking and before entering. Knocking means "Is it okay if I come in?", not "I'M COMING IN NOW!!!"
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (165)
XoRoxybabe615Xo 0
lmao!
NoodleBurger 0
@st0815 the lady was probably a dumb old bitch (like all elderly people), who forgot to lock the door. I would've punched her in the face, stupid old shit.
xHabsfanx 0
Why were you still standing there for five minutes? Do you have a fetish for old ladies taking a dump or something? o.O
brookeelizabeth 0
umm why didn't you just ohmygod CLOSE THE DOOR? pfff retard.
bezach 0
wow snick you didn't use q cap on the name O.o but I'm still a fan
FerrariCake 2
Sounds like little old lady might have had an extra shot of espresso in her frappacino.
iloveloosy12 0
old ladies are such freaks
millvillegirl218 0
my new favorite fml. lmfao
DJuan 0
lmfao! do you?? im bit confused on why there Is only on bathroom at starbucks. even if the op is a girl the starbucks around here have multiple stalls and such . could this be a big piece of shit lie?? I'm thinking yes
Coocumber 0
Wow that's a pretty big assumption. not all starbucks locations have multiple stalls, one that i went to in philadelphia only had one, unisex bathroom, i remember this because i couldn't use it because a hobo was bathing in the toilet. The one near my house doesn't have multiple stalls either. Just because the ones near you are different, doesn't mean its a lie
angrynegro7 16
You do realize OP, that in that same five minutes, you could have broken her hip. Problem solved.