Today, I was about to lose my virginity with my girlfriend of two years, when I got an urgent phone call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had to come home immediately. My grandma fell off the toilet and got stuck between the bowl and the wall. I'm not making this up. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was on the phone bragging to a friend about losing my virginity last night. When I went downstairs, my 6 year-old sister was digging through my purse. She explained that she had overheard my conversation and wanted to help me find my virginity. My mom was in the kitchen with us. FML
Today, I woke up to a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I jumped out of bed in panic and rushed into the bathroom, only to see my sister limping around in the nude. She'd just jumped out of the shower because someone had flushed the toilet downstairs. FML
Today, I had to pee so bad that I ran downstairs with no glasses on and stumbled into the bathroom, half blind. I sat down on the toilet and realized just a little late that my older sister and her boyfriend were having sex in the bathtub. FML
Today, I was having passionate sex with my girlfriend of nine months. She was making a lot of noise, so I told her to keep it down, and reminded her that my parents and sister downstairs. A few minutes later, I got a text from my sister, saying my parents wanted to make sure I was wearing a condom. FML
Today, my grandma drove me home from school early because I was sick. I went upstairs and heard my parents having sex. Embarrassed, I ran downstairs and was about to leave the house when I saw a car pull into the driveway. It was my dad. FML
Today, my 2-year-old sister walked in on me while I was showering. She began to splash around in the toilet, and as I hastily jumped out to stop her, my brother and his friend got a good look as they walked past the room. FML
Today, I was trying out my first vibrator. Soon enough, my 12-year-old sister opened my door, walked in, and saw me naked from the waist down. She laughed, called me a virgin, and left. FML
Today, while having sex with my girlfriend in the bathroom, we heard a knock at the door, then her father's voice. I had to fake constipation noises until he left. FML
Today, my girlfriend was over at my house for the first time. I told her I had to go take a shower, and from the other room my grandmother yells "you're not going to jack off this time are you?" FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were on my bed when things started getting hot and it began to shake. My little sister called the entire family to the hall to listen to "the frogs in the wall". FML
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Top comments
YOUNGSMUTTY 0
That's sad. I hope your grandma's alright! You're such a sweet boy for going home to help her. I'll take your virginity ;) Haha jk.
shortandloud 0
That sucks about not getting sex but I have to say that the whole getting stuck between the bowl and the wall is pretty hilarious.
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Comments (360)
rmm 0
Dammit, I double clicked by accident so it said I put YDI as well as FYL, but you definitely didn't deserve it Hahahaha, it made me laugh though :') But come on... 2 years without sex? Well, I guess you could be like... 15
pyrohazard96 0
Not even fifteen lol!!! I would guess well... The way generations get worse and worse maybe the same age as his sister lol
Go_Home 0
Seems like a major sign to me.
Leptailurus 0
Dude, that sucks! But uh... there's always tomorrow, eh? ;)
izzyyy 0
Awh, fyl but bless your wittle heart. C:
Bitts 0
Today, I embarrassingly got stuck between the toilet bowl and the wall. I'm not making this up. I called my grandson to help me out, but he didn't come because he would rather be ******* his girlfriend. I was stuck until the paramedics came. FML
aaa999 0
talk about signs lool. that's God telling you "take a hint" but seriously i hope your grandma is ok.
BlackxFire 0
don't bring religion into this. it'll only get worse
ShadowlessSpear 21
Religion is okay as long it's a joke :)
CheezerX 0
haha should been "give me 5 minutes" first tiem would of been a quickie
matega 18
A quickie for the first time? What's wrong with you?
I_Bite 22
Maybe not 5 minutes but it would have been quick. Most men don't last that long their first time and if it was her first time too she may not either (from the pain) Though I think he did the right thing by leaving to help his grandmother. They've been together a long time and they're both ready, she'll understand, there are other opportunities
adrenochrome_fml 0
Sorry, but it's ******* hilarious ;D
jumpgurl23 0
#1 haha wow this is hilarious. Keep your V card, really not worth losing it.
Demon_Squirtle 0
This is the funniest cockblock Ive heard