Today, I was about to lose my virginity with my girlfriend of two years, when I got an urgent phone call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had to come home immediately. My grandma fell off the toilet and got stuck between the bowl and the wall. I'm not making this up. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was on the phone bragging to a friend about losing my virginity last night. When I went downstairs, my 6 year-old sister was digging through my purse. She explained that she had overheard my conversation and wanted to help me find my virginity. My mom was in the kitchen with us. FML
Today, I woke up to a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I jumped out of bed in panic and rushed into the bathroom, only to see my sister limping around in the nude. She'd just jumped out of the shower because someone had flushed the toilet downstairs. FML
Today, I had to pee so bad that I ran downstairs with no glasses on and stumbled into the bathroom, half blind. I sat down on the toilet and realized just a little late that my older sister and her boyfriend were having sex in the bathtub. FML
Today, I was having passionate sex with my girlfriend of nine months. She was making a lot of noise, so I told her to keep it down, and reminded her that my parents and sister downstairs. A few minutes later, I got a text from my sister, saying my parents wanted to make sure I was wearing a condom. FML
Today, my grandma drove me home from school early because I was sick. I went upstairs and heard my parents having sex. Embarrassed, I ran downstairs and was about to leave the house when I saw a car pull into the driveway. It was my dad. FML
Today, my 2-year-old sister walked in on me while I was showering. She began to splash around in the toilet, and as I hastily jumped out to stop her, my brother and his friend got a good look as they walked past the room. FML
Today, I was trying out my first vibrator. Soon enough, my 12-year-old sister opened my door, walked in, and saw me naked from the waist down. She laughed, called me a virgin, and left. FML
Today, while having sex with my girlfriend in the bathroom, we heard a knock at the door, then her father's voice. I had to fake constipation noises until he left. FML
Today, my girlfriend was over at my house for the first time. I told her I had to go take a shower, and from the other room my grandmother yells "you're not going to jack off this time are you?" FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were on my bed when things started getting hot and it began to shake. My little sister called the entire family to the hall to listen to "the frogs in the wall". FML
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Top comments
YOUNGSMUTTY 0
That's sad. I hope your grandma's alright! You're such a sweet boy for going home to help her. I'll take your virginity ;) Haha jk.
shortandloud 0
That sucks about not getting sex but I have to say that the whole getting stuck between the bowl and the wall is pretty hilarious.
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Comments (360)
Sugar_lipsXo 0
keep it in your parents. after your girlfriend dumps you, you'll be bitter for giving her your virginity. it's a sign bro.
hhhhyoyoyo 1
gee im sorry
fmyoptical 0
Because you did a good deed karma well help you and get you better sex the next time you try to lose that V card. :)
EG_dod 0
This made my day! Cockblocked by a slippery toilet.
SleepiiHeadd 0
Hahaha, That's the best FML I've read so far ^^
RedJester23 6
YOU GOT **** BLOCKED *clap...clap.... clap clap clap* instead of lets go eagles
megan_is_cool 0
HAHAHA. I found this completely hilariious. But, damn your life sucks
surferdude15 0
hmmmm " im not making this up" idk something about that sentence makes me want to accuse him of "making it up"
teensm 0
#153 i agree w/ you
doll_face 0
#153, i thought the same thing. but this story is way too good to just call off. i'd like to think it's real :p