Today, it's only when my mom knocked on the door and asked, "Are you alright in there?" that I realised that I had been scrolling through the same Instagram feed whilst sat on the toilet for an hour. My legs had gone numb and I'm pretty sure the toilet seat is forever engraved in my arse cheeks. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was using the bathroom and checking Facebook on my phone. As I'm checking my newsfeed, I noticed a new photo upload by my brother. I guess I forgot to properly shut the door to the bathroom, because it's me on the toilet. FML
Today, as I sat on the toilet, I mistakenly took a screenshot and then proceeded to fumble my phone. It wasn't until 5 hours later when I recharged it that I realized I had unintentionally posted the screenshot of me on the toilet to Instagram. FML
Today, I was having a bath and needed the loo (they're in separate rooms), and my mother-in-law used the bathroom while I wasn't in it. I walked back in and realised my enema bulb was in full fucking view. I actually want to lie on the ground and let the moss consume me. FML
Today, I was on the toilet, when I noticed I could see my daughter dancing in the other room in the mirror, so I took a picture with my phone. After I uploaded it, people pointed out that I was visible in the picture, sitting on the toilet and smiling. FML
Today, I was on the toilet, when my Mom thought it would be a fun idea to barge in, take a picture of me, post it on Facebook, and tag me. FML
Today, I woke up super glued to the toilet. FML
Today, I realized how fat I really am. While going to the bathroom I leaned to the side to wipe my butt and heard a crack. Not knowing what it was, I continued to wipe. After I finished, I got up to see that I'd cracked the toilet seat in half. FML
Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML
Today, I went to my girlfriend's parents' house for lunch. I ended up in the bathroom constipated and remembered reading it's easier to "go" if you are squatting. My girlfriend's dad walked in on me perched on the toilet like an owl. FML
Today, I was on the toilet and jumped when I saw a face at the window. It was my own reflection. FML
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Top comments
BurnInDemonFire 39
Buddy, you have an unhealthy addiction, and you need to deal with it before your next trip to the can results in you getting stuck to the can after forming a vacuum with your ass.
Anderling 33
…I will admit to getting distracted too sometimes but an HOUR?
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Comments (3)
Anderling 33
…I will admit to getting distracted too sometimes but an HOUR?
BurnInDemonFire 39
Buddy, you have an unhealthy addiction, and you need to deal with it before your next trip to the can results in you getting stuck to the can after forming a vacuum with your ass.
Niniva 8
I'm leaning more to executive dysfunction and hyperfocus related to ADHD. You get in the zone and time ceases to exist. You don't need food or water or exercise or sunlight; your mind is finally getting its dopamine and nothing else matters.
SirEnigM0nk 22
As someone who has lived with ADHD his entire life, I totally concur with this.
SirEnigM0nk 22
Game of Thrones: The Tyrrany of Social Media.