Today, my immature dad said that I'm a girl, not a woman, so my witty response was, ''I have a period, so I'm pretty sure that makes me a woman.'' My dad stole my phone and sent a text to everyone in my address book, quoting me. Including the guy I like. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I joked with my dad, saying I'd gotten my boyfriend pregnant. In response, he slapped me, threw my phone across the room, smashed my laptop, and then took a moment for what I'd said to sink in. FML
Today, my friends thought it would be fun to change my dad's name on my phone to my girlfriend's name. Guess who got an erotic text message when standing next to me while in the line to buy groceries. FML
Today, my "friend" thought it'd be absolutely hilarious to use my phone to text my girlfriend, bragging that I'd found a new "slampiece" and that she's "fukcin dumpd". Now I'm single, her dad keeps making threatening calls to me, and nobody will even listen to my side of the story. FML
Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML
Today, I sent a romantic, flirty text to my boyfriend. A few minutes later, I got a reply from… my mom, saying, “I don’t think this was meant for me, but thanks for making my day awkward.” FML
Today, I was in a store parking lot when I got a text from an unknown number saying, "I see you, I know what you did last summer, you wicked little shit." I freaked out and looked around in a panic. It turns out that it was my "hilarious" dad testing his new phone from across the parking lot. FML
Today, I was using my dad's cell because I had broken mine. I was texting my boyfriend all day when my dad needed his phone back. I forgot to tell my boyfriend that my dad would be using the phone. My boyfriend then texted graphically what he wanted to do to my dad. FML
Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML
Today, one of my dad's work friends came over. As he was leaving, he complimented my dad on having three "strapping young boys." I informed him that I'm a girl, and I have a hormone imbalance that causes me to have a lot of hair and a deep voice. I guess my dress didn't give him a clue. FML
Today, I found out that the creepy weirdo who's been sending me messages for a while is just my dad. His excuse was, "I wanted you to feel like someone would actually like you." FML
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Top comments
smiller0789 3
*wonders how old OP is*
SirAwesome 0
Why the "including the guy I like" part? I mean, how is it bad that he knows you're a woman?
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Comments (269)
nikktherocker 0
I'd put Cyanide in his Kool-Aide. But seriously, lighten up. Just tell them it was your dad. "In your life there'll be some trouble, when you worry you make it double. Don't worry, be happy." --Diogenes of Sinope.
Honda288 2
That man is awesome hahaha
Toastastic 0
I'm just adding to how dumb you sounded. Age doesn't define how mature you are.
cxal_fml 0
So if a female has a hormonal imbalance and never gets periods, she is a girl even when she is 90 years old by your standards?
Lifelooser_fml 0
period does not equal woman, but your dad is a gross pervert freak though
lifeissohard 0
thats not too bad ppl knowing u have ur period my crush found my pad in my bag and he was more interested in me next time make sure to keep ur phone with u at all times
TH_LOVER13 0
ahh i know how u feel my dad acts that way when i tell him something like that
elliekinslurvsya 0
i agree. having your period does not make you a woman. though that does make it illogical for some of our mothers to give us that "talk" after we get our first period. god i still remember that. "i know you don't want to hear this, but...YOU'RE A WOMAN NOW." ugh. and also...witty response? please tell me you didn't ACTUALLY think that was witty. and another thing, tell your dad he's not a man if he does things like that, maybe then he'll think twice...
SaloMoney 0
LMAO, I would have laughed if I got such a text.
misterasdfjkl 0
is it just me, or are you now telling everyone what you said at that time? seems to me that you're making your life even worse than having your dad text the handful of people in your phonebook.