Today, after my naked husband farted in my face because he’s an immature man child who refuses to act his age, this morning I woke up with raging pink eye. I’m half blind and I’m supposed to be taking my driving test this afternoon. I can’t see. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my day started with me peeing in my own face. My eye still burns. FML
Today, I broke my glasses. My eyesight is horrible, I can’t see things that aren’t super close to my face. I'm supposed to drive to another state tomorrow. FML
Today, I woke up to a disappointed boyfriend. He told me he spent an hour last night farting on my pillow to see if I would wake up with pink-eye. He's 23 years-old. FML
Today, I farted myself awake, in a car full of my boyfriend's family. FML
Today, I was attempting to tame my bushy eyebrows, since I'm starting a new job in a few days and need to look somewhat presentable, when I poked myself in the eye. Hard. I thought I’d blinded myself for a few moments. Now it’s just red, sore and watery. FML
Today, my husband thought it would be funny to scare me by maniacally zooming in and out of traffic while we were on his motorcycle. His mood turned to anger when I nervously admitted to having voided my bowels. FML
Today, I accidentally gave myself a black eye. I would laugh about it if my friends didn't start suspecting that my husband is abusing me, and won't listen when I try to explain what really happened. FML
Today, as I went to kiss my date goodbye and drive home, he mistakenly rammed his thumb across my eye hard enough to push my contact back into my eye socket. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night choking and had to open my bedroom window. No, it wasn’t a gas leak. My husband had a curry last night and his constant farting was so bad I was struggling to breathe. FML
Today, I had a lightbulb over my head moment, by which I mean I was changing a blown bulb, which smashed, and I’m now half blind waiting for the surgery to remove the minuscule and yet still excruciating shards of glass from my right eyeball. FML
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Top comments
Marcella1016 32
That’s surprising. Seems like the sort of thing you’d be into, poopface.
Yudith 28
You can get a doctor's note for the driving test.
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Comments (8)
poopface82 25
Divorce and lawsuit.
Marcella1016 32
That’s surprising. Seems like the sort of thing you’d be into, poopface.
poopface82 25
I walked into that one.
bidet 10
Seems like that would cause brown eye.
Yudith 28
You can get a doctor's note for the driving test.
Crowned Sataness 12
that would be all out war. in the face is never acceptable.
JasonThorn 23
Tell me again, OP...exactly why did you marry that guy? Was he a demon in the sheets, rich as Croesus, or just a loss to the theatre due to his acting ability.? Inquiring minds want to know...
historygrad74 19
You married him.
Taurus_ChicKa 37
I've heard that farting in the presence of your spouse/significant other means true love. I don't think that applies to farting ON your spouse/significant other, especially in the face. What the hell???
Hangryko 32
I hope you divorced him, and had him charged with assault. He is an idiot.