Today, I finally treated myself and bought my first moisturizer. The woman at Sephora promised it would "retexturize my face." If by "retexturize" she meant, "make it feel like a rubber balloon," then she was right on the money. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I looked at my face to see if my new age-defying lotion was working. My skin does look younger, it's covered in pimples like a teenager's. FML
Today, I bought a new, expensive face moisturizer. However, it smells like poop. I paid $20 dollars to make my face smell like shit. FML
Today, I realized that the tingly feeling on my face when I put a new combination of acne wash, acne medication, and my usual moisturizer on was not, in fact, "it working." It was slowly peeling away the top layer of skin. I look and feel sunburned. I also still have acne and oily skin. FML
Today, I followed an acne treatment. It was only after I'd finished the treatment that I read the bottom line, stating "Do not scrub your face". I only had one pimple to start with, now it looks like I sandpapered my face. FML
Today, I discovered that my "life-changing" skincare routine wasn’t working because I’d been using conditioner instead of moisturizer for two weeks. My skin is greasy, and I smell like coconuts. FML
Today, I was grumbling about how they apparently changed the recipe of my favorite lotion and made it all weird and sticky, when I realized that, no, what they actually did was design a bottle of shower cream that looks almost exactly LIKE that of my favorite lotion. FML
Today, I was helping a women that was looking for skin care products. She kept commenting on the look and "texture" of my skin in a very creepy and almost hungry fashion. I'm afraid that she wants to skin me. FML
Today, I thought I could make my own skincare products from scratch, but I ended up with a weird, greasy concoction, which left a red mark on my hands. It's been two hours and the mark is still there, despite several washes. FML
Today, I had a lady come up to me in a store just to tell me how bad my acne was and what remedies I should use. I got so embarrassed, all I could say was, "OK" and, "Thank you" until she left me alone. FML
Today, and for the past few days, my skin has been all blotchy and messed up so I tried a new face mask that was supposed to peel off easily. It ended up sticking to my skin like glue. I spent hours in front of the mirror trying to peel it off, one painful sliver at a time. FML
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Top comments
nodeathtoall 19
Next time ask for a demonstration
BlackHawkSavior 28
Hide all sharp objects
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Comments (74)
nodeathtoall 19
Next time ask for a demonstration
whysobeachy 37
It could have to do with OP's skin quality, though.
ChopSuey444 20
Sample is probably the word we're looking for
ladyLALAA 29
Sorry to hear it they are usually so good! Hope it clears up soon.
TheLemonMan 24
Hey, I hear that rubber balloons get all the hotties nowadays.
drayloon 50
"Skin that defies aging and snaps back to place"
whysobeachy 37
And can be used by children above the age of three, as a plaything.
razoray9 22
And will expand as he sucks in more air till he just floats away
BlackHawkSavior 28
Hide all sharp objects
whysobeachy 37
Would that include pet cats?
Jared900DUmpling 30
I hope OP isnt into acupuncture or piercings!
Rawrshi 25
There's a fetish for that.
sanuxo_ 22
You could return it. I've done it before.
Sp4wn 17
You shouldn't really trust employees on that stuff. They are just trying to sell you something. Look up some reviews next time.
PANDORUM89 21
some makeup locations require you to have a degree in cosmetology before they are allowed to suggest products or apply makeup. I know a friend of mine needed one to work at sephora and now works for MAC as one of their top artists. So while some people are shady AF. there are employees that want to help you.
kirkaygri 18
Retexturize means smooth and tighten. It sounds like the moisturizer did exactly what it was suppose to do. Now, OP not caring for that is different and it could still be returned for something that just moisturizes. I'd recommend a classic cream, not anything too fancy, if OP is just looking for a moisturizer. I use Oil of Olay. My 100 year old great grandmother used it twice a day and she died, from old age, looking 70.
Tripartita 45
Time to join a website for balloon fetishist—looners, as they're called—dating. When you make a connection and find that special someone, things will just pop!
razoray9 22
That's the first good pun I've seen in a long time
KhaleesiDannie 26
Well on the bright side you fill your face with helium fly away and become a news sensation