Today, I spent a half hour trying to help my cat down after he got stuck in the tree on my lawn. I finally gave up and called a local tree care company to help. When I returned outside, I found my cat casually walking about by the door. The guy who showed up to help was not happy. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband rescued our daughter's cat from a tree. She spent the next hour clapping and telling me how much of a hero he was. Last night at 2 a.m., I was awoken by meowing and had to rescue the same cat from the same tree, in the dark, and halfway down he shit on me. No one called me a hero. FML
Today, I found my cat downstairs with a squirrel dangling from his mouth. When I saw this, I yelled at my cat to put it down. He did. Turns out the squirrel was still alive and run. I had to spend the next three hours chasing it out of my house. FML
Today, I spent 15 minutes trying to get my cat out of our seven-foot Christmas tree. Once he was done, he tore about the house and broke the nativity scene, beheading baby Jesus and a wise man in the process. The tree is fucked. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house when we noticed her cat was missing. We saw it on the roof and so I thought I would try to look good by offering to go on the roof to retrieve it. The cat had climbed down when I got up there, and I have a fear of heights. Her mom had to help me down. FML
Today, my boss sent me to remove a tree from a client's home. So I went and cut down the tree, only for my boss to show up an hour later, speechless. I was supposed to remove a sapling that had sprouted through the driveway tarmac, not the 100-year-old prizewinning Japanese cherry tree. FML
Today, I was overjoyed when someone finally came to my house to get the electricity back up and running. All that was changed to dismay upon finding out they first needed to find a tree trimming and removal service to clean up all the fallen branches on the power lines. FML
Today, I finally went to Home Depot to buy a chainsaw to cut down the tree leaning dangerously over my garage. When I got home, I found the tree had fallen and taken out the roof while I was shopping. FML
Today, my cat escaped through my front door. It was dark out, so I had no idea where I was going. I finally caught up to him in my neighbour’s lawn and I gave him heck for scaring me. It took me a minute to realize I was actually talking to a bush in their flowerbed. FML
Today, I climbed the tree in my backyard so I could cut off some stray branches. I ended up getting stuck, and instead of immediately getting help, my wife started laughing and recording me. The video is now circulating on Facebook, and my new nickname is "Hawkeye." FML
Today, I called a tree removal company to have my diseased elm removed. When I got home from work, I was surprised to find it still there. Not as surprised as my neighbor was to discover that his tree was missing, nor as surprised as his children when they saw there was no more tree-house. FML
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Top comments
wanted_2_want 40
At least a tip to the guy would be in order.
gerrags 16
If the cat got up there it will get itself down... YDI
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Comments (70)
Spentpoet 26
Cats are the trolls of the animal kingdom.
DocBastard 40
Cats can ignore you, pee on the carpet, destroy your furniture, claw the **** out of your leg, and troll the shit out of you like this one. And yet, people STILL feed them. And this is exactly why cats will always be smarter than their owners.
cheeeksss 29
As a cat owner, it was lovely to read this. I've managed to train my cat almost as much as one would train a dog. My cat knows how to come on command, sit, stay, stand, beg, lay down, and even play hide and seek. She has never once injured me by clawing or biting me. Cats are capable of learning if trained right, and trained young. I could say the same about dogs biting legs and peeing on carpets. But does that conclude that dogs are more intelligent than their owners? No.
starile 20
Even if you don't feed them, they find some way to stay alive and even multiply. It's this godlike ability that makes humans hope to remain in their favor. Cats are the master, indeed...
magickitten 26
#18 - your cat has you fooled! I would imagine its cooperativeness is just a ruse to keep you thinking you're safe while it plots your downfall. I love cats by the way, I'm just also very aware that they do nothing for us, only for themselves.
Demon_of_Light 27
18 trains cats and doesn't understand humor... Guys, I think it's an alien O.O
brehhh_fml 8
no lie, you didn't think that one through, bud
patrickalamo 48
As most of life's problems given enough time they work themselves out.
RobinGoodfellow 47
Cats are assholes. I love them.
starile 20
You love assholes. Hmm! Good to know. ;)
Tannasgh 22
Ever seen a cat skeleton in a tree?
False_Stupidity 42
Yet more proof (as if we needed more) that cats are adorable little bundles of pure evil.
starile 20
Better yet is that they have no idea, nor the care, to even realize that we take the time to even consider them as such. "Oh, you think I'm evil? How cute. I didn't even know you existed, and I affected you so much. Anyways..."
catanita 18
Cats are natural climbers so why bother trying to get it off the tree?
SavannahSunshine 26
You deserve it. If a cat can climb up something, it can get itself down
CaliCassanova 14
Haven't you ever heard the saying cats always land on there feet? Or they have 9 lives?? Stop worrying about invincible cats lol