Today, my boyfriend and I came back to my house after a night on the town. Thinking the house was empty, we had sex. Just as it was getting good, my phone beeped. It was a text from my mom, saying, "Quiet down. Even your father can tell you're faking." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got permission from my parents for my boyfriend to stay over. Things got intimate, and I tried my hardest not to make too much noise. However, while having a post-sex cuddle, we heard my parents in the next room muttering about my "faking". FML
Today, I brought my boyfriend home, and I introduced him to my parents. Afterwards, I took him to my room so we could have some "bonding" time. Right as things got pretty intense, I heard my dad yell, "Stop faking, honey." FML
Today, I went to a party and crashed on the bedroom floor. I woke up to sex noises coming from the bed. I pretended to still be asleep. I sent a text to my boyfriend to tell him about it. I heard his phone beep from over in the bed. FML
Today, me and my boyfriend decided to have some fun in my room before my parents got home. My phone started vibrating half-way through, and when I saw my mom's picture, I reflexively answered. It wasn't a phone call. It was a FaceTime. Busted. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were at his house having sex. After about 30 minutes, his mom came home and started knocking on his door, asking, "What are you doing?" Thinking I might have a chance to sneak out, I got dressed real quiet. Then my boyfriend answered, "Zoe. I'm doing Zoe." FML
Today, I was sending some dirty texts to my boyfriend, when I heard a knocking sound coming through the wall. I sat there for ten minutes before I realized I was listening to my mom and her boyfriend having sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having phone sex. It got very wild and soon was interrupted by a knock on my door. My dad had come home early from work, and heard the whole thing. He demanded my boyfriend to come over, and he had a sex talk with him on the couch in front of the whole family. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when my dad pulled up to pick me up from his house. My dad beeped his horn and my boyfriend opened his bedroom curtain, knocked on the window, and waved. While he was still inside of me. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my dad called my cell. He ended the phone call with, "and tell your boyfriend to shut up, I can hear him moaning." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex while his parents were out. They came home early, ran upstairs, and knocked on the door. Scrambling to find our clothes, we gave up and just hid under the blankets. They barged in, drunk and laughing, and tried ripping the covers off. FML
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Top comments
mizled 0
You read your texts during sex? That's just bad manners...
Chaith 16
Hey, that's cool, your boyfriend frequents fmylife.com too! "Today, I was going down on a girl. When I looked up she was texting. FML"
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Comments (154)
effevery1slife 0
this isnt english class...
Sgt_Schadenfreud 0
Deserved every inch of it
endtroducing 0
Who texts when you're having sex?
rnuggs 0
you need someone to keep up with you, especially since you resort to texting during sex
nomo_fml 0
Your parents are awesome. And checking your phone while having sex? Fail.
devilcurls6981 0
he must be bad if you are checking texts and faking.
TreRadical 0
LOL!
Defenseless 0
"'Your' is CORRECT here, it's a possesive pronoun, ie 'can tell your WHAT [faking]. So faking is an object, gerund to be precise, although I think "you are" form would fit here better, this one is correct nevertheless." Pedantry. Though correct by the technical sense, it was clearly not the intention of the original author. Way to pay attention in English though.
cwcwwang 0
lmfao ahahaha thats why i chek b4 faking
anashaalmajiid 0
GR3G@R10U$ :))