Mr Royersford, Pa, USA 42 years-old In a relationship
Today, I finally got to a point where I could ask my mother about how enthusiastically she used to beat me. First sentence out of her mouth was, "It didn't change your behaviour, but it did make me feel better." FML
Today, I was sleeping peacefully with my cat sweetly snuggling my legs under the covers. My husband dutch-ovened her, and she shredded my calves as she rushed to escape. FML
Today, I donated a dollar to a kids charity at Lowe's. The cashier handed me a star to sign my name, I signed it and gave it back to her. She looked at me with disgust and asked what was wrong with me. I had to pull out my license to prove to her that my name is really Michael Myers. FML
Today, my boyfriend got a raging boner while looking around at a gun store. He hasn't had any sexual interest in me in months. FML
Today, the paternity test came back. It's like I suspected all along; my "son" is actually my half-brother. FML
Today, I woke up to my husband's face. That'd be nice if he hadn't turned his eyelids inside out, waiting to scare me. I was scared alright. So scared that I pissed myself and broke my side table falling out of bed. FML
Today, I was the only girl in gym class who couldn't lift the weight, and the only one to fart multiple times during the attempt. FML
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