Today, I had to escort some dumbass teenager from Home Depot after I found him masturbating in one of the model washrooms. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at college, I walked in on some kid jerking off in front of the bathroom sink. This place never ceases to amaze and disgust me. FML
Today, at work, the security threw out an old man in his 80s who had been caught masturbating while hiding in the ladies' changing room. I thought it was funny until my manager told me to clean up that very same changing room with the old man spunk all over the wall and floor. FML
Today, in a hardware store, I had to physically restrain my senile grandpa from trying to take a crap in one of the display toilets. FML
Today, I caught my coworker masturbating in the bathroom. This was during her shift, while I was mopping the bathroom floors. FML
Today, while on the job as a cop, I was breaking up a loud house party. We were just doing one final check of the house, we walked into the bathroom to find a kid furiously wanking in the bath. This isn't the first time I've seen something like this. FML
Today, I walked in on the 13 year-old boy I babysit masturbating while sniffing my jacket. FML
Today, I experienced one of those moments in life you never forget. I walked into a homeless man masturbating in a parking garage stairwell. FML
Today, the mentally-challenged teen who sometimes comes into my restaurant gave me a hug as usual. I thought it was sweet, until a coworker let me know he immediately goes and jacks off in the bathroom after. FML
Today, I was in the restroom at work, snickering at some funny stories on my phone while I took a dump. Little did I know that the asshole in the next stall would report me to our boss, claiming he'd heard weird noises, then looked over the divider and witnessed me jacking off to porn. FML
Today, I had to put one of my preschool students in timeout for masturbating during nap time. FML
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Top comments
ILoveEggnog 7
I always do it in the model kitchens.
techweed 12
They may be a lot of no smoking signs, but there ain't no no masturbating signs. Happy Fingers!!!
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Comments (179)
sierralovesyou 0
That's just what turns me on, model washrooms, oh yeah. Hahaha
rattusrattus 19
Oh god, yes, they're really hot. Nothing sexier than nonfunctional plumbing! :P
sailoroftheseas 7
what could possibly turn you on in home depot?
All_Blacks 2
Nothing.
Saltime 0
"Damn, you have a fine piece of hardwood!"
ygdrassil 17
"Look at how that long faucet completely fills the drain!"
TheSnakeDoctor20 17
The power tools, if they don't make you hard something is wrong with you.
KiddNYC1O 22
Dick.
Decapitation 3
Here at home depot we have a wonderful selection of switches that if installed correctly will turn on almost anything. We even now have custom lighter "dimmers" just in case you want the object to be less turned on so it's less noticeable.
Cheerieful_fml 2
He wasn't masturbating. He was remodeling his penis.
KiddNYC1O 22
There's an app for that!
klovemachine 24
that is funny haha
Graawr 7
Stupid thing for the kid to do, but you sound like a douche. :/
Kazakuya 3
Sure, he's a douche for doing his job and removing the kid from the store for masturbating in public. The kid is lucky they didn't detain him, call the cops, AND his parents.
asherah14 7
Are you saying the OP sounds like a douche because he made the kid stop and escorted the kid out? I'm pretty confident that is what most people would do if they found a kid masturbating in public at their place of work.
aligiorav 11
Yeah, because the undouchey thing to do would have been to let him finish first and leave when he chose to, right?
KiddNYC1O 22
70- Work place* JK, I just wanted to show #17 a legitimate example of a douche.
itsalanis 25
lmao, out of all places, why home depot?
CopeStraight 3
That's bad. Price cut on that washroom
theghost1309 11
Lol damn glad to say I haven't had that happen at the one I work at
NoNotTheFace 8
I hope you escorted him to a normal bathroom to let him finish.
ShealaBoBayla 0
I feel more bad for the kid than anything. Now that is embarrassing. FHL xD
BellaBelle_fml 23
The teen obviously didn't care since he chose to ********** in a location that was public and had a high risk of getting caught. That, or he is extremely unintelligent and didn't think it through.
aligiorav 11
I'm going for option number...2!
chickenpie90 16
:L embarrassing