Today, for what has seemed to be the hundredth time, my labeled bagged lunch was stolen from the fridge at my workplace. I stormed into my boss's office ready to complain, only to find him eating it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I finally caught the person who has now and again been stealing my lunch at work for weeks. It was my boss. I awkwardly watched him eat my sandwich while he talked about how he's been "saving money by bringing food from home." FML
Today, I got a talking-to at work from my new manager for eating other peoples' lunches. Immediately afterwards, I watched my manager leave the room, take MY lunch, and begin eating it. Apparently my new manager is the thief, and I'm now the office pariah who gets the blame. Nobody believes me. FML
Today, during lunch, my coworker offered me her food, claiming she was full. I was still quite hungry, so I accepted it. Halfway through eating the sandwiches, my boss walked in and started interrogating people over who took his lunch. I quickly realized I was the one eating it. FML
Today, I realized the person I had been habitually stealing bag lunches from at work made me a canned dog food sandwich. FML
Today, after I packed my lunch last night and put it in the fridge, I grabbed my bag and left for work. At lunchtime, I opened it and found an empty container. I'd packed the container but left the food in the fridge. FML
Today, I knew my coworker was stealing my lunch, so I made a sandwich with tons of incredibly spicy peppers. He took a bite, shrieked in pain, and ran off sobbing. Unfortunately, he was also in an emergency meeting with an important client, so now my whole department looks like a bunch of morons. FML
Today, I went to work. All day, all I wanted to eat was my favorite cheese, which was waiting for me at home. I came home and someone had eaten it, then put the empty wrapper back in the fridge. FML
Today, there's a food thief in our office who manages to steal from the fridge without being caught, and everyone keeps blaming me, probably because I’m the fattest. I have a gastric band and can only eat a few mouthfuls before being full, but still people think I’m stealing entire bags of food. FML
Today, I have been victimised by a lunch thief at work for months, despite numerous complaints to management, so I exposed the thief by lacing my curry with that old classic, laxatives. Even though my coworker was caught brown-handed shitting himself, I was the one suspended for making him sick. FML
Today, a coworker threw my lunch in the trash. They'd just got back from holidays, and I use the same containers they do. My leftovers "looked like something they'd eat", so they thought it was something they'd forgotten before going on holidays. It was leftovers that I'd been spacing out, trying to make last till payday. FML
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Top comments
evanvoss 20
Step 1: Poison your lunch Step 2: Take his position Step 3: Profit
UsagiArwen 23
This would be the part where I'd have to sit down with my boss and have a serious conversation. Because that's a load of crap on your boss's part.
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Comments (85)
evanvoss 20
Step 1: Poison your lunch Step 2: Take his position Step 3: Profit
ImissCaleb 16
Is this a cards against humanity answer?
GokuSS400 18
No more like diabolical plotting answer…
bonbonattacker 10
No. It's the Ferengi answer.
shinikageWolf 15
Well lethal poison is illegal, but maybe slip in some stool softeners and stool hardener their stool won't know what to do.
GrifGuy 4
Genius.
UsagiArwen 23
This would be the part where I'd have to sit down with my boss and have a serious conversation. Because that's a load of crap on your boss's part.
MikaykayUnicorn 36
I agree. That is actually theft. It may seem insignificant, but many people cannot afford to have their lunch stolen every day. An old science teacher of mine had a pet snake and she kept frozen rats in the teacher's lounge fridge to feed the snake. She was tired of her lunch getting stolen so once day, instead of putting her lunch in a her lunch box, she put a frozen rat in it. Her lunch was never stolen again.
cornyrob 33
No, start bringing two lunches. He likes them, so perhaps he'll give you a raise.
MikaykayUnicorn 36
Like I said before, #64, not everyone can afford that. I wouldn't want to pay to feed some asshole who stole my lunch.
heli110 14
(This is from South Park) Step: 1 put boogers and cum in you lunch Step: 2 Laugh maniacally when you see it's gone
FujisakiChihiro 24
3. ??? 4. PROFIT!!!
XboxSqueaker 15
or kill his parents and make them into chili
SodeNoShirayuki_fml 6
replace your mayo with loation
ragnarok1540 39
Make a dog food and laxative sandwich and watch the fun unfold ... then report your boss to HR.
Googolman 29
Time for the laxatives?
ulissey_fml 22
I hope he enjoys his new nick, Big Sloppy Joe.
RopeRodent 4
spike your food with an entire bottle of tabasco and chilipowder. Alternatively do as others say, add a large amount of laxatives into the food. Bonus points if it's Taco Bell or something similarily spicy. Make him experience true hellfire out of his "exhaust pipe"! He'll never steal your food ever again. You might get fired for it, but personally I think it'd be worth it.
ZeroZX 3
What would his reason be to fire them? They put laxative in their own labeled lunch and I stole it out of the fridge and ate it?
RopeRodent 4
Some bosses are vindictive bastards. Just because they have a higher position, they think they can treat their workers like trash. I bet OP's boss is that type of person.
RopeRodent 4
Besides, OP's boss now knows that OP knows. Guess we'll see if he gets to keep his lunch to himself from now on. Otherwise it's bombs away with the tabasco.
Dale_shackleford 13
I know this is kind of different, but in high school one of my friends got his lunch stolen from his locker everyday. (Post 9/11 bullshit in the name of safety meant we didn't get locks). One day he decided he had enough and put a ton of laxatives in the lunch and the kid stealing it shit his pants and reported my friend to the school, who then got him arrested for poisoning. He was able to fight the charges, but he still had to apologize to the guy.
Mike3258 18
fired? if anyone's getting fired it's his boss. that shit don't fly at walmart. you do that at walmart you get fired. I know. a coworker was doing the same thing
epeeftw 16
#17: I forget the exact term (right to work maybe?) but in some states a company can fire you without a reason or warning.
bonbonattacker 10
It's called At-Will employment. And it sucks
ollygollymolly 6
That's absolute bullshit. That school sucks.
cmdd 5
Did you mistake it for your own sandwich with a moist maker?!?
tomvertigo 17
Definitely reprt that scum to HR.