Today, my boyfriend let me be the first one to read the novel he dropped out of college to write. Turns out it's titled "A Brief History of Ass" and is an incoherent ramble about every time we've had anal sex. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me for the first time. He followed it with, "Want to try anal?" FML
Today, my new boyfriend came over to my apartment for the first time. Up until now I thought he was great, but when he spotted the book I'm currently reading next to my couch, he uttered the immortal question, "Why do you read?" FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were making love. I've been working on a novel for the past six months, and what would have been mid-way through, I accidentally said the main character's name instead of my boyfriend's. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend has an online blog that he updates every time we have sex. It’s ridiculously detailed, right down to the slight difference in the pink of my vagina and the slightly darker pink of my asshole. He's a dead man when he gets home from work. FML
Today, my boyfriend turned out to be a moron. Although he loves anal porn, he says gay sex is revolting. His reasoning? Because guys poop out of their buttholes. Apparently women don't. FML
Today, I got home from work early to find my boyfriend spread eagle on the couch, taking pictures of his anus. Apparently, that's what his other girlfriend is into. FML
Today, against my advice, my boyfriend decided to read Fifty Shades of Grey in an attempt to learn how to please me in bed. Now all he does is suck on my toes, and thinks it's weird that I don't spontaneously orgasm as if I'm some kind of nymphomaniacal weirdo. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me for the very first time in three years. Apparently, all it took was anal. FML
Today, my boyfriend was reading me a poem he wrote for me. It was beautiful, and going really well… until he read the last line, which had a girl's name in it. It wasn't my name. My boyfriend said, "Shit, wrong girl", and dug through his bag for a different poem. FML
Today, I was reading my boyfriend's online diary. It started off really sweet, saying he was in a wonderful relationship with me, and how he utterly adored me. It then slowly progressed into loathing and wondering what he ever saw in me, all because I have a low sex-drive. FML
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Top comments
xnyletak 17
Sounds like asstounding work.
thestrangedude 10
What a bummer
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Comments (139)
MSCCG 16
No more anal sex for him.
me22dn 2
I call bullshit.
perdix 31
"What an asshole!" I'm not talking about the author, it's the opening line of the book. Soon to become as famous as "Call me Ishmael."
perdix 31
I just realized I said "opening" line! Haha, I just crack myself up! Wait, I said "crack"... I can't stop! Lol, hashtag-YOLO!
Tiber_fml 12
a book like that better have pictures
buckdharma 38
Spoiler alert! Op gets it in the end.
DREAMCATCHERoooo 4
wow thats pretty sad. I hope he is your ex now, unless you wish to continue with this looser of a college drop out.
ballerboy20 8
speaking of college dropouts...loser
ballerboy20 8
A better title would have been A Nice Ass Literature...
pinchepriscyla 9
Well then..
pwnman 33
Op, people need to be ASSertive so he can get a good job. Kick his ASS if he doesn't.
photogfrog 13
I had a dream last night that the OP attached a pdf file of the novel. It was about five pages long, and ridiculous. OP, I feel for you!!