Today, after my husband spent several days in his shed welding, he showed me his completed Captain America shield. It looked shit. I warned him not to throw it, but he threw it anyway, missed his target, bounced it off the garage and smashed the kitchen window, showering our kids in glass. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was mowing my yard when I hit a small rock, which hit my shed. I got done mowing and realized that it wasn't a small rock, it was my son's toy plyers and it wasn't my shed, it was my car window, which had shattered on impact. FML
Today, while trying to prove how easy it would be for a burglar to break in, my drunk dad threw a brick at my window. Luckily, he missed. It hit the wall and bounced off. Unluckily, it bounced off, landed on my wife’s car, broke the windscreen, slid off, and put a long scratch down the bonnet. FML
Today, my husband picked up and threw a hammer which smashed a hole in the plastic side of the conservatory, that daylight and rain can now get through, all because he “thought” he saw a mouse, which turned out to be one of my fluffy slippers half hidden under a chair. FML
Today, my son tried to swat a fly with a hammer. Our apartment walls are now littered with dents and holes. FML
Today, I was sitting on a stool by the stove while my dad was making stir-fry. The glass lid he had covering the skillet overheated and exploded. As huge shards of broken glass rained down on his only daughter's head, my dad's only concern was whether or not he would have to throw his food away. FML
Today, whilst showing my kids how to replace a light bulb safely, I gave myself and electric shock, and dropped the bulb. Twice in a row. In hindsight I should have let my husband do all the DIY-based educating, since I now have a glass shard in my big toe. FML
Today, I was practicing my golf swing on my front lawn. I took a swing and on the backstroke the golf club slipped out of my hands. Next thing I know, it hits a neighbor's window, shatters it, and goes right into their living room. FML
Today, my son hit my husband's shop-vac while pulling into the garage too fast. He was grounded for 3 days. Later, while trying to demonstrate how to park safely, I hit my husband in his happy sacks with the mirror. FML
Today, our 9 year-old son managed to shoot himself in the gut with my nail gun. According to my wife, this is completely my fault, because I ONLY kept it in my locked garage, ONLY secured in its box, ONLY completely disconnected from the power, ONLY on the highest shelf near the roof. FML
Today, my husband has been painting our house all weekend and plans to finish the job after work today. I decided to surprise him by completing the job myself. Painting the last window frame, I dropped the open tin of white paint, right onto our car roof. FML
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Top comments
BurnInDemonFire 39
America has a new ass.
RichardPencil 32
You need to report him to CPS! Comic Protagonist Saviors, that is, you can't let the Captain America brand get damaged by your idiot husband who injured his own kids.
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Comments (6)
RichardPencil 32
You need to report him to CPS! Comic Protagonist Saviors, that is, you can't let the Captain America brand get damaged by your idiot husband who injured his own kids.
BurnInDemonFire 39
America has a new ass.
mdavis0529 14
Why would you be with such an incredible moron to start with?
tounces7 28
I'm sure you knew he was an idiot when you married him, and you married him anyway, so....
Cody Vertigo Bonthoux 15
maybe he shouldn't play with blowtorches
J15237 25
Well you didn't mention your children needed to go to the hospital or anything so that is a bright side. Second you now get to possibly redesign the window in your kitchen if you had been wanting a new one. Also boys will be boys and hey shit happens. I think your husband just did something that a lot of men would probably do.