Today, I woke up to find that my dog was missing. I spent about an hour searching for him when my psycho ex-girlfriend texted me his photo. She'd kidnapped him. After driving over there, she shot paintballs at my car. Now I have no dog and a colorful car. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend finally let me take his dog on a walk, after two years of not trusting me to keep her safe. During the walk, a car drove by, causing her to run after it and pulling the leash out of my hand. Five hours later, and I still can't find her. FML
Today, someone let my puppy escape. I didn't know, until I arrived home and hit him with my car. FML
Today, I woke up to find my garage broken into and my car covered in paint and the words "Fuck you." Why? I broke up with my ex because she cheated on me and stole money off me and my mom. Apparently this wasn't a good enough excuse to break her up with her. FML
Today, I searched our neighborhood for our lost dog. After screaming at the top of our lungs, driving around in circles, and asking strangers, we realized we took him to the groomers this morning. FML
Today, I was driving home with my girlfriend. As we turned onto our block, she shrieked that our dog was running down the street and into traffic. I jumped out of the moving car and chased him for about a mile, only to give up, go home, and find out it wasn't our dog. FML
Today, my dog ran away. Luckily my neighbors caught him before he got too far. Now they won't give him back because they think I did something to him to make him want to run away. FML
Today, my psycho ex showed up at my doorstep to beg me to take her back, so I pulled my gun on her. I just found out she's pressing charges. FML
Today, I got home from work and found my dog missing. When I asked my neighbor if she saw what happened, I saw my dog sleeping on her couch. She tried to say it was hers. FML
Today, my dog disappeared for an hour. After I'd called her name repeatedly, she crawled out from under my bed, threw up on my feet, and then happily walked out the room. FML
Today, I went to egg my ex-boyfriend's house, after finding out he cheated on me. I covered his house and car with eggs, toilet paper, and silly string. When I went to get back in my car, my keys were locked inside, the alarm went off, and my ex walked outside, with his new girlfriend. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
amelinat 0
The crazy woman needs professional help - call the police, get your dog back and get her sectioned.
curious_missy 1
FML for the getting back of puppies!!! UNITE!!!!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (215)
gntfmlingnow 12
Walk outta your car, rip the paintball gun from her hands, shoot her with it, and go get your dog. The line got crossed when she messed with your dog
nahgemsoohc 0
dude!! why don't you just run her over with the car. it's gonna be gone anyway!!
llZombiell 5
Crazy bitch much
Athga 0
she sounds awesome if she has a paintball gun, except for the your missing dog.
159_fml 17
Call the cops
SanaSazi 32
Getting yr car painted costs a fortune! You got that for free! What's the down side? Oh yeah, no dog still... Bummer.
WickedClownMCL 1
Get a super powerful paintball gun bacj, light up her, her car and her house!!!
aerro1 0
Your ex sounds like a bitch. I'm glad you broke up. She wasn't good for you.
aerro1 0
Your ex sounds like a bitch. I'm glad you broke up. She wasn't good for you.
chevyrider20 0
A woman with a backbone.