Today, at the daycare center that I volunteer at, a 5 year-old boy asked me, "What do you do when you really want something?" I told him to try his best to get it and give it his best. He ended up stealing from the donation box and when he was caught he said that I told him to do it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got a new babysitting job. Every time the little girl goes to the bathroom, she screams and cries until I wipe her. She's 7 years old. FML
Today, I've been babysitting a 4 month-old for two days. This has made a great impression on my cat, because now I can't sit down without him jumping up and licking my face until I pat his butt and rock him like the baby. FML
Today, at my job as a lifeguard, I told a teenager to, "Walk please." He then threw his soda at me as he ran away. We aren't allowed off stand unless it's an emergency, so I baked in that soda for 30 minutes. FML
Today, my little brother told me to give him my phone so he could play a game on it. I said no, because I was taking a call from a friend at the time. He then walked over to the wall, headbutted it, burst into tears, then told my parents that I punched him. They believed him. FML
Today, I realized that my 3 year-old son, who is being potty trained, has better aim standing up to pee than his 30 year-old father. FML
Today, I was with my 3 year-old son in the doctor's office. During the exam, he informed the doctor that he doesn't sleep in mommy's bed anymore because mommy sleeps in her underwear and farts all night long. FML
Today, my 5-year-old son made a drawing of our living room, with the addition of an apparition, and the text, "I can see you. Daddy doesn't see you. Who are you?" FML
Today, at work as a cashier, a guy came up with a cart full of stuff and it took me 10 minutes to ring it all up. When I told him his total, he felt his pockets, said, "Oh shit, I forgot my wallet!" and walked off. He left about 15 bags worth of things for me to put back. FML
Today, I was babysitting a new child. I guess she heard me tell her parents about my severe peanut allergy because she got a jar out of the pantry, spread it all over the stairs leading to where her fort was, and walked around with a baseball bat covered in it so I couldn't come near her. FML
Today, a kid from my school called me, saying he's going on vacation to Japan soon and that since I was born there, I could teach him the language. His exact words at the start of the call were, "Hey man, you speak Asian, right?" I have to be around this shithead 5 days a week. FML
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Top comments
martron3000 5
Kid's got a great future in politics: 1- Interprets answers to his questions to his own benefit 2-Knows how to steal 3-Lies & blames it on someone else.
Scotty_TG 0
And that is why you try to get as much info as you can from a child about their question before you answer it.....
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Comments (43)
becky_becks 0
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That just made my day.
cheesepuff18 0
Ha. Kids can do anything and get away with it. Good times
jdb2009 0
You got played by a kid, just don't let that happen when it's time to explain the shit. ******* kid will probably have a record when he's 13 or something, **** him.
Rockey 3
Kids say the darnedest things. All you needed was Bill Cosby.
krankypoptart 0
the answer should have been: Ask for it, kid.
ammali 0
#6, that's exactly what I was thinking!
mastershake 0
hahaha thats hilarious
Saiduck 0
wow man wow
Jessyca_fml 0
lol that is such a cute story. I hope you did some explaining so the other faculty will understand what you meant. But that is very very funny :)
sunshyne84_fml 0
its not your fault he's a heathen