Today, I shot my boyfriend in the balls by mistake, twice. First it was a paintball gun I was using with my nephew, then it was a slingshot I use to scare away the bird who keeps eating fish from my pond. He is now sat icing his groin acting like I did it on purpose. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend and I went shooting. While I was showing him how to properly hold and adjust a rifle, he accidentally pulled the trigger. The gun kicked back and hit me in the face, breaking my nose. FML
Today, I went paintballing with my girlfriend and her family. Her dad ended up shooting me, and I doubled over in pain. I thought that was it, until he stepped back and shot me several more times in the stomach. "Just double-tapping," he smirked. More like quadruple-tapping. FML
Today, my boyfriend was buying a new hockey stick; to test it out he started hitting a ball around the aisle and decided to shoot it back into its bin. Instead the ball hit me dead in the mouth, giving me a fat lip. Instead of consoling me, my boyfriend yelled "GOAL!" FML
Today, I played an intense paintball match, with me and my friends versus my boyfriend and his buddies. When we won, my boyfriend went mental and said he only lost because of "lag". When I pointed out we weren't in a video game, he reacted by firing a paintball straight into my chest. FML
Today, my dad decided to test if Nerf guns actually hurt by sneaking up on me and shooting me with one. He missed; however, when he shot at me again, he hit my cat on my lap, causing my poor cat to run away. After desperately trying to apologize to my cat, he then shot at me a THIRD time, nailing me in the balls. FML
Today, me and my girlfriend went paintballing. I made sure we were on the same team, so I could protect her and be manly. The first time she got shot was by me, I shot her finger. It broke. FML
Today, I was doing target practice with my new paintball pistol. One of the bullets missed, and hit my new neighbor's house. I went up to the door to apologize, not realizing I was still holding the paintball gun. My ex-soldier neighbor thought I was robbing him and put me in a chokehold. FML
Today, while playing paintball, a shot ricocheted off a wall and slammed into my nuts. I told the other team I was out and tried to run out of the field, but as I was jogging to the door I was hit again in the balls. My friend saw this and dropped his gun, laughing. It hit me too. FML
Today, at a paintball match, my boyfriend shot me between the legs and asked, "Still want kids now?" FML
Today, I went to a paintball match with my family and the family of my brother's girlfriend. A few minutes into, my brother's girlfriend's dad snuck up on me, unloaded into me from behind, and snarled, "That's for knocking my daughter up." He got the wrong guy. My back is killing me. FML
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Top comments
Anderling 33
I can’t help but wonder how you managed to get him in the meat-and-two-veg twice in one day, on two separate occasions, when I feel pretty confident in guessing that his wedding tackle looks like neither your nephew nor a wild bird.
RichardPencil 32
I know the object of paintball is to shoot people and the trajectory of the balls is chaotic. A ball-to-ball shot is a random possibility. But why would you aim your slingshot in the direction of any person?
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Comments (5)
The_Real_Cvh 10
Are you saying that if he did not think you’d done it on purpose that he’d not be icing his groin?
Anderling 33
I can’t help but wonder how you managed to get him in the meat-and-two-veg twice in one day, on two separate occasions, when I feel pretty confident in guessing that his wedding tackle looks like neither your nephew nor a wild bird.
RichardPencil 32
I know the object of paintball is to shoot people and the trajectory of the balls is chaotic. A ball-to-ball shot is a random possibility. But why would you aim your slingshot in the direction of any person?
Thaylok 17
1) You could have just told him you are not ready for children. 2) Let that be a warning to him not to cheat. It's amazing how often these Longshot things happen.
Jaymail 19
I came up behind the last girl, with waist length hair, who kicked me in the balls with a pair of scissors. Somehow instantly her waist length hair became shoulder length. SNIP! Hey! Fair is fair. Right? Why is it women always go for the balls? And expect to get away with it?