Today, my husband complained about my lack of sex drive. Gee, I wonder why, Mr. "Always comes first by humping for a whopping 30 seconds." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after several grueling weeks at the gym, my moribund sex drive suddenly kicked into high gear. All I want is for my husband to fuck me senseless, but he's now convinced I'm just trying to butter him up before dropping a bombshell. FML
Today, my wife asked why I was so grumpy. I admitted that I was horny and sexually frustrated. She went on an hour long tirade about how I "shouldn't need sex to not be a jerk" and how I need to handle my own needs. FML
Today, like every other day for the past two weeks, my husband was not in the mood for sex. He told me this while masturbating. FML
Today, I told my husband that I didn't feel like sex. He said, "Funny, I didn't feel like driving to the store for your milkshake earlier, or digging up the flowerbed, or deep cleaning your car, but I did all that to make you happy. Don't I deserve a little reciprocation?" Jesus Christ, I married an asshole. FML
Today, my husband whined that our sex life is terrible. I agree. I wish he'd stop killing the mood with crappy pickup lines and crude innuendos every time I act even slightly receptive towards him. It's like he turns into a 14 year-old the second I kiss him. FML
Today, my husband decided he'd rather jerk off to the Wii Fit trainer than have sex with me. FML
Today, after 10-plus years of marriage, my husband still gets off after 5 minutes. I find myself just wanting to just go down on him, instead of being unsatisfied right when I start to get into it myself. FML
Today, my husband called me a nympho after I told him I'd ideally like us to have sex more than once a month. FML
Today, after years of my husband letting himself go and our sex life dying a slow, painful death, he's finally gotten my hints and started exercising and eating right, and he looks amazing. But now he has no sex drive and says, "I'm getting older, there are more important things to me than busting nuts all day!" FML
Today, my husband has lost over a hundred pounds. I'm happy for him, but now he has an incredibly high sex drive and keeps asking for sex almost every day, sometimes twice a day. FML
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Top comments
Soverain 15
Well then tell him how you don't like how he orgasms so quickly. Talk to your partner about what gets you off, try some foreplay. Have him pleasure you with his mouth instead if he cums too fast. Nothing is going to change if you guys don't communicate and you'll both be unsatisfied. Communication is key to a healthy relationship.
GummyJellyfish 12
My guy usually does that when we haven't had it for a while. But when we do it every day he lasts for 30-60m .-. it's kind of annoying tbh, going on that long. Im not a fkn pornstar just finish up jeez. Anyway! Do it more often and I bet you that will change.
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Comments (72)
Lotsofpatience 10
I feel your pain.
jessicaaaj 1
Don't worry, my ex was like that. He always asked why I wasn't as turned on as he was during sex.
iceberg 10
Damn that's so miserable