Today, I'm apparently on a "thinking ban." My wife and kids have banned me from starting any sentence with, “I think“ because it always leads to some sort of disaster, or accident, or expensive mistake, etc. So I'm no longer allowed to think because me thinking is dangerous for everybody. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife has declared that, unless our son has finished his homework, I'm not to watch TV, play video games, read, use my phone, cook, or go outside, lest I "tempt him" to leave his work unfinished. Guess I'll just stare at the wall all afternoon. FML
Today, my new wife and I got home from our honeymoon, and not an hour later she'd sat me down for a talk, saying, "Now that you're married you've got to act the part and give up this silly nonsense," then banned me from seeing my friends, playing video games, and basically everything else I ever enjoyed. FML
Today, my mother-in-law grounded me because I went to the store in the "dangerous" rain. My husband says that if I don't obey then we won't work out. FML
Today, I said a few words to my mom that happened to be similar to something offensive, and she misheard. I tried to tell her, but she was so angry that she assumed I was saying more offensive things. Now she is punishing everybody in the house, and I’m not allowed to speak to her. FML
Today, I was sitting with a group of people at lunch. I was having a bad day, so I began venting to them. Eventually, they got tired of it and banned me from the table, because my "depressing mindset" reminds them of their trauma. FML
Today, I tried to speak to my wife about my feelings for this coming year, family and work. I thought it wouldn't be a problem as I regularly listen and support her with her feelings, emotional issues, anxiety, depression, etc. She shut me down in 30 seconds and said to stop acting like my mother and being so stupid. FML
Today, I realized I could say nothing in my home without being interrupted, talked over, or the subject derailed into a 30 minutes monologue by my housemates. And they wonder why I'm so quiet all the time… FML
Today, after spending two days spiraling out of control with my thoughts and online searches over my husband not being attracted to me, and our marriage being over, I realized it was just the week before my period insanity. I get to know I'm gonna bleed when the intrusive thoughts start to win. Being a woman is so fun. FML
Today, I was written up for bringing my son to work. For safety reasons, bringing kids to work is strictly prohibited. I don’t have any kids. FML
Today, the TV was blaring, the kids were yelling, and my wife was blabbering on in my ear. Overwhelmed, I shouted, "EVERYONE QUIET!" I got a second of blessed silence before my kids started screaming and crying, and my wife threw a tantrum, saying, "I married a psycho!" FML
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Top comments
Anderling 33
Is it really that “me thinking is dangerous for everybody” or were you shoving your thinking down their throats against their better judgment and this was their way of stopping you from doing so?
D J's MOM 17
I cannot possibly vote without more info........
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Comments (7)
garamo 4
Try “I believe” instead!
D J's MOM 17
I cannot possibly vote without more info........
Thaylok 17
I turned the thinking over to my wife years ago. That single act made my life easier and reduced arguments. Now I make OBSERVATIONS, which are almost always accurate and enjoy giving her credit for having good ideas.
Anderling 33
Is it really that “me thinking is dangerous for everybody” or were you shoving your thinking down their throats against their better judgment and this was their way of stopping you from doing so?
Iamthebanzai22 21
Have you considered starting a YouTube channel? These days you can actually make money from doing stupid shit.
lgrave 8
I think they are right. 😎
BurnInDemonFire 39
"I think, therefore I end up looking like a dumbass." - OP