Today, I learned that you should never ask your 11 year-old daughter to read a text for you while you’re driving. She read a text from a girl I had a one-night stand with on New Year's Eve, demanding why I never called her again. Yes, my wife was also in the car. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I asked my teenage daughter to read off directions from my iPhone while I drove. She went on Instagram instead. We missed the turn by 32 miles. FML
Today, I went to my phone company and had my text history pulled. Why? Because a few days ago, my four year-old daughter told me that, "Daddy has a wife and a girlfriend." Turns out she was right. FML
Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML
Today, I found out that my 11 year-old daughter dresses skimpy when I drop her off on the weekends at my ex-husband’s house, courtesy of his girlfriend, who he cheated on me with. When I confronted her, she told me to “stop being such a prude” and with my attitude, “no wonder you get cheated on.” FML
Today, the girl I was seeing was concerned about why I haven’t texted her in the past day. I sent her a picture of my newborn daughter and told her that my sister had a baby, and that I was helping her out. I had inadvertently sent it to my wife instead, because both their names started with H. She “Read” it already. FML
Today, my teenage stepdaughter wrecked her third car texting and driving. I’ve pleaded with my husband to stop buying her new ones and to revoke her driving privileges. He’s so desperate for her to love him that he’ll give her literally anything. I’m scared she’s going to get someone killed. FML
Today, my daughter asked to use my phone to find hers. Instead, she sent multiple messages to my boyfriend, trying to break up with him. When asked why she did it, she said it’s because she wants me to get back with her father. This would be somewhat understandable if she wasn’t 32 years-old. FML
Today, I overheard my 11-year-old son giving my 8-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
Today, my 18-year-old daughter texted me and told me that she got in a car crash. She texted, "I forgot wich way wus left lol" and then quickly added "yolo right? Lol". FML
Today, after her very first driving lesson, my daughter came home claiming she did really well. Which is suspicious since her instructor was at that moment on the phone with me yelling, saying I must be crazy if I think she’s ever getting in his car again, and that I should explain to her what a bus pass is. FML
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Top comments
Anderling 33
Well well well, if it isn’t the consequences of your own actions.
Plop 17
Well, your lesson seems only valid if you're a walking-talking piece of shit. You may not want to state in such a universal way as you did. And just to make everyone's day brighter, how hard did you get served?
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Comments (14)
Hangryko 32
I hope your wife divorces you and your daughter goes no contact with you, if not now then when she's an adult.
dragonladiesfire 19
Yes, you're right, you shouldn't let your 11 year old daughter read texts out loud in the car because that can DAMAGE HER. You, sir, don't deserve your wife or your daughter. You don't deserve your wife since you believe it's totally okay to cheat on her. You don't deserve your daughter because you don't seem to be a great role model for her.
Adam Scully 7
Love the vitriol in the comments as if everyone is a paragon of virtue and no one has ever done anything shitty or regretful in their lives.
KushyMcHaze 18
Tell me you’re a POS without telling me you’re a POS.