Today, I was asked to give a toast at my cousin’s wedding. Nervous, I copied a speech template I found online. Halfway through, the groom’s father interrupted me to say, “I read that exact speech on Pinterest.” I wanted the ground to swallow me whole. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to give a speech at my sister’s wedding. I spent weeks preparing every word. When it was finally my turn, I stood up to the microphone and froze. Instead of something like, "Congratulations, I’m so happy for you both," I mixed up whatever jokes I'd prepared in my brain, and blurted out, “I’m in love with your husband.” FML
Today, I was asked to give a toast at my best friend’s wedding. I confidently walked up, tapped my glass, and began with, “Marriage is like...” Then I completely blanked, for about 10 seconds, but it felt like hours. I finished with, “...good luck!” and sat down to slow, confused golf claps. FML
Today, I gave a speech at my friend’s wedding. I spent weeks perfecting it, making sure it was funny but heartfelt. When I finished, I dropped the mic dramatically. It bounced off the table, hit the best man in the face, and the cable knocked his drink all over the bride’s dress. FML
Today, I was selected to give a short speech at a friend's wedding after being told it would only be "a couple of minutes." I walked up drunkenly, reached into my pocket for my notes, and pulled out my shopping list instead. I started reading "milk, onions, toothpaste…" before realising everyone was laughing. FML
Today, I spent an hour preparing a heartfelt speech for my friend’s wedding. I stood up, got emotional, and promptly fainted, spilling a glass of wine all over myself. FML
Today, I gave a speech at my best friend’s wedding. I wanted to say, “You both look beautiful together.” Instead, nerves took over, and I blurted out, “You both look beautiful naked.” In front of 100 people. And a priest. FML
Today, I gave the toast at my sister's wedding which was outside. Before I started, the wind blew up my dress and wouldn't let up. Instead of giving my heartfelt speech, I spent five minutes fighting with my dress as 130 people pointed at my floral-printed underwear and laughed loudly. FML
Today, I went to a wedding with my family. While the maid of honor was giving her non-heartfelt, three sentence speech, my mom and I started talking about how lame her speech was. When I turned around to look at my mom, I saw the camera recording the speech behind her. FML
Today, my dad thought it would be appropriate to get drunk at my wedding and include in his father of the bride speech all the very bad things I did as a child, before I got the psychiatric help I needed. My in-laws were giving me death glares, and his nana yelled, “Shame on you!” at me. FML
Today, my biologist father had a slide show and speech prepared for my wedding. It started with, “40 years ago, there was a tree here”. I thought this would relate to me or the wedding at some point. 45 minutes later, I had to admit that it didn’t. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
DLBL 23
Yikes. He should have stayed silent, the oaf. But if you had a few weeks' notice, YDI for not putting in some effort and at least tweaking a decent speech you found online.
Vexillum 5
Well how does he know that? Was his next line "Thx a lot. Now I have to find another template for mine"
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (4)
DLBL 23
Yikes. He should have stayed silent, the oaf. But if you had a few weeks' notice, YDI for not putting in some effort and at least tweaking a decent speech you found online.
Wadlaen 24
That's a bad move!
tiptoppc 21
Too bad you couldn’t say “and that’s why their marriage will outlast yours. They know when to be silent and not nitpick to keep the peace…”
Vexillum 5
Well how does he know that? Was his next line "Thx a lot. Now I have to find another template for mine"