Today, I got T-boned by a woman going 60 mph. I was unconscious for hours, while a tube was inserted into my collapsed lung. Upon waking up, my 16-year old brother thought it would be hilarious to yank out my leg hairs. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while riding back from a weekend away with my boyfriend, we crashed his motorbike, resulting in us getting thrown over a barbed wire fence into a forest. I woke up in hospital. Apparently, in his adrenaline rush, he climbed back on his bike and continued his trip, forgetting all about me. FML
Today, I was taken to the hospital after I fell down the stairs. The physician who saw me bit his lip and said he would have to amputate my foot, and I fainted in terror. One of the nurses later told me to "learn to take a damn joke." FML
Today, I ran out of the house after my dog, tripped and knocked myself out on the railing by the front step. I woke up to my little brother lifting up the back of my dress for the neighborhood to see. FML
Today, I went snowboarding and fell backwards, hitting my head on a patch of ice. When I got home, I told my brother I thought I might have a concussion. He told me I should be a man and suck it, swiftly smacking my head, causing me to pass out. FML
Today, my bike abruptly stopped working, torpedoing me headfirst into the sidewalk. I lay there in agony for a few minutes, and the only guy who saw it happen said, "Lucky you didn't get hurt!" FML
Today, I got hit by a car while riding my bike to work. In the hospital, every single nurse lectured me about how I wouldn't be here if I wore a helmet, which I'm sure would be really helpful to my broken leg. FML
Today, I shattered my ankle while mountain biking with my boyfriend. As I lay writhing on the ground, waiting for the ambulance, he traced the outline of my thigh and said, "You should get this suctioned out while you're in the hospital." FML
Today, I went to the hospital emergency room to visit my boyfriend who had badly sliced his leg open. It ended with me being admitted with a possible head trauma, after hitting my head on the wall and floor as I collapsed at the sight of his wound. FML
Today, after vacuuming, I struggled to pull the nozzle attachment out. I yanked it too hard and it flew out, hitting me in the face and causing my head to jerk back into the wall behind me. My girlfriend had to drive me to the hospital for my concussion. FML
Today, my brother accidentally hit me in the throat. After I stopped coughing, choking, and feeling like I was going to die, he came back into my room, quietly said "I know your weakness," and left. FML
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Top comments
friedkabob1225 0
i love how the fml is your brother pulling out your leg hairs not the fact that you almost died
0mggirl 0
that sucks, i had a collapsed lung this summer and it's horrible. good luck.
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Comments (136)
Shoopman 0
Key words: "by a woman" Suck for you, and you brother is a dick.
Sumguy 0
lol!! That's what little brothers are for!!! Dang, collapsed lungs hurt insanely as it is. God bless, have a quick recovery...remember, in the words of Drill Sergeant Jackson. "Every day you're alive is a good day!"..."Bitches"...
Emmett_Luver_101 0
42 your such a sexist ASSHOLE
deathproof_fml 0
I can't believe there's people who actualy said you deserved it. Pathetic.
Broc 0
Wow 45, way to be a defensive bitch.
robinhoood 0
Yeah, this actually did happen around two and a half months ago. Before that same brother was in the hospital for a knee surgery and I put his own toenails in his mouth while he was sleeping. Thanks for the well wishes, I am pretty much mostly healed by now. I don't hate the little bastard, he stayed in the hospital with me all weekend to make sure I was okay and turned off the beeper on my morphine drip XD yeah, the irony of the leg hair being the FML was intended. But I hope you guys got a laugh out of it. :) If you'll excuse me though I'm going to go do #68 to the little ******** now. He's taking a nap and has a date later. All the best ^.^
theatrewhisper 0
wow....the amount of sexist "humor" on this post is making me nauseous. not all women are bad drivers and male drivers can certainly t-bone somebody as well. why is that insurance companies charge male drivers more for their insurance (especially younger males)?
herpEs_fml 0
i guess YDI then. only shave one eyebrow and shave whatever comes to mind into the back of his head. i would recommend two little reverse eyebrows.
MukyDaCookie 0
#44 you dumbass, every guy with a sibling is a brother. Are you saying all of them will never get anywhere in life? Real smooth.
craigahh 0
I'm sure the revenge will be sweet. Best of luck to you :P