Today, I was mourning the recent loss of a close family member. My ex's idea of comforting me was to ask if he could come over so I could “give him some bomb ass head” to take my mind off things. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I poured my heart out to my now ex-girlfriend over the recent passing away of my grandmother. Her eyes glazed over multiple times, and when I said that I don't know how to cope with everything, her advice was simply, "Shotgun. Mouth. Blam." FML
Today, while grieving over the loss of my Grandpa, I called my girlfriend for comfort. After I had cheered up, she said, "Don't worry, he went to Hell anyway." FML
Today, my ex hit me up out of the blue, so I texted our mutual friend to tell them what had happened. The friend then told my ex and he got mad, ending with him texting me, “Pop quiz: When’s the last time you took a shower?” FML
Today, my neighbor knocked on my door to borrow some tools. Trying to be friendly, I asked how he was doing. He then spent the next 45 minutes describing his recent breakup in excruciating detail. I just wanted him to take the tools and leave. FML
Today, I got the news that my ex-boyfriend from two years ago died in a car crash. My fiancé found me crying in the living room when he came home from work. When he found out why I was inconsolable, he said, "Make sure you say hi to that abusive turd in hell for me, thanks for everything." He is now staying at a hotel. FML
Today, my ex-boyfriend, with whom I've stayed friends with, begged me to accompany him to the hospital, and act like we are still in love and are now engaged in front of his dying grandmother, who once greatly supported our relationship. We both witnessed her last moments, and her last words to us: "…who the hell are you?" FML
Today, I realised that my powers of disappointment had reached a new low when my ex sent me a message saying that our friend who passed away two years ago would be very upset with me for how I'm "behaving." So upset that it's also upsetting my ex. FML
Today, I was going through a hard and painful break up after a long relationship. Trying to get over it, I invited my two best friends over to lift my spirits. The night ended with them making out on my bed as I sat alone in the other room. FML
Today, my ex of three years wanted me to comfort him because his new girlfriend broke up with him as well. And what do I do? I help him, I don’t fucking know why, and now he won’t leave me alone. FML
Today, I found out that my father, who very recently lost his wife, decided that drunkenly hitting on my long-time boyfriend's mom was a good idea. FML
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Top comments
NostalgiaFreak9 43
I can see why he's your ex.
Hellblazer_Sith 25
I am so glad he is your ex. Sorry for your loss OP.
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Comments (33)
interesting33 37
was he your ex when he said it?
Lobby_Bee 18
Keeping your mind off of your recently deceased family member and putting it on his dick is not a very good suggestion.
cornyrob 33
OP, do you actually listen to what you tell him while you're doing that? I bet it's all "Babe, i love doing this for you. Whenever you want, just ask. It'll make my day."
Rabite 28
It's quite hard to talk with a dick in your mouth, you know. You should try it some time. Or a double handjob so that you don't write stupid stuff like this on the internet.
Aiden89 23
What a dick move.
Linden Harris 5
To be fair, there was a chance no matter how small that chance is, that that was exactly what you wanted. joking aside, chin up n I'm sorry for your loss
ARISKomuniszt 24
This is the fault of capitalism. The manifestation of power as a variable (for example - money), means that humans develop instincts to be naturally individualistic so as to not fall on the social ladder. This led to your ex instinctually (and abhorrently) prioritising his own desires.
Huldan MeGroyn 13
"What you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."
ARISKomuniszt 24
aww c'mon just respect the meme... Also if you wanna explain why I'm wrong, go ahead.
QueenAfrodite 8
Actually that made sense lol.
DanielleinDC 34
Clearly this is just one of many reasons he's your ex.
mekiswrite 21
It's the thought that counts???
dwight7476 11
What an asshole thinking about himself only now I see why you’ll are not together anymore
retailsuxa$$ 6
douchebag=_=