Today, while watching the morning news, I unexpectedly saw myself! Too bad I was looking puffy at a pizza buffet, loading up my plate. I have tendinitis in my arm and wrist, and the NSAIDs hadn’t kicked in yet. At least I dressed up that day, though. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I saw myself on the news. I was one of the random passers by they had filmed for their story on the "Fat Epidemic." FML
Today, I sprained an arm muscle while pretending to lift weights. FML
Today, I'm so out of shape that my arm ached after lifting chips out of a Lays bag. FML
Today, I turned on the TV just in time to see my picture on the news. I have no idea what they said about me. FML
Today, like every other day of my life, I have hypermobility. I had an important dress and tech rehearsal for a production due to start tomorrow. Guess what day my ankle decided to give out midway down a flight of stairs, leaving my foot rapidly swelling… FML
Today, I pinched a nerve in my shoulder while pulling the bedcovers higher in the morning. After excruciating pain all day, I climbed back into bed at night, twisting my knee in the process. FML
Today, I rolled my ankle, got pink eye, and have the flu. Unable to stand long enough to cook myself a meal, I opted for delivery. When I opened the door for the delivery boy, he backed away frantically with his arms up upon seeing me. Apparently, I look just as shitty as I feel. FML
Today, while walking to work, I sneezed so violently that I slipped on a patch of ice and hit the ground hard, badly spraining my shoulder. I lay there in agony as a pair of bystanders just stood there, laughing their asses off. FML
Today, at work, I tripped and fell face-first into a food display. As I picked myself up, totally humiliated, I tripped again and fell right back into it, earning a bunch of pitying looks from nearby customers. FML
Today, my smartwatch detected what it thought was a fall and called emergency services. What was I doing? Dramatically flopping on the couch to binge-watch five episodes of a dating show. Paramedics showed up while I was still clutching a bag of Cheetos. FML
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Top comments
GoogieWithers 25
Was it brunch or did you have pizza for breakfast?
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Comments (1)
GoogieWithers 25
Was it brunch or did you have pizza for breakfast?