Obesity · 3 February 2025, 22:00 ·United States

Goodbye to love

Today, I was feeling bitter about the ballyhoo surrounding Valentine’s Day. I made a status on Facebook saying the holiday was stupid. Someone commented, “You’re only saying that because you can’t get a boyfriend to save your life and haven’t been laid in years because you’re obese.” They’re right. I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 229 You deserved it 576

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Anonymous · 3 February 2025, 20:00 ·Portland, United States

Shut it down

Today, I went on a date with someone I met on a dating site. We hit it off, until he noticed the MAGA sticker on the back of my phone. He excused himself to go to the bathroom and never came back. I had to pay for both meals and explain to the waiter why I was practically crying into my bowl of noodles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 288 You deserved it 1 643

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rejected · This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff ·United States

Smoke signals

Today, I texted my boyfriend, who's on vacation halfway across the world, but he didn't respond. I mentioned it to my younger sister who said, "It probably just takes a while for the text to get all the way there." My mom piped up, "Don't be dumb sweetie, he's just ignoring her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 971 You deserved it 384

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psycho ex · This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff ·Brazil

It wasn't me

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for cheating on her. Her "proof" was an image of me making out with a girl. Pretty damning, except she loaded it up in Photoshop, where I saw the image layers she'd used to fake the whole thing. I'm not sure what the hell she was thinking either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 409 You deserved it 4 059

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Anonymous · 3 February 2025, 03:00 ·United Kingdom

Choose your path to happiness

Today, our daughter got in a fight with her dad because she isn’t sure if marrying her boyfriend will make her happy. Her dad then said, "Well which do you want, to be happy or to be married? Because you can’t have both." We’ve been married for 32 years so it hurt hearing him say that. It hurt a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 652 You deserved it 167

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Anonymous · 2 February 2025, 22:00 ·Toronto, Canada

Doofus

Today, I was talking to my crush when I laughed so hard that I snorted. Then I tried to play it cool by saying, "I do that on purpose sometimes." Now he probably thinks I fake-snort for fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 You deserved it 524

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Anonymous · 1 February 2025, 12:00 ·United States

Step one: admitting we are powerless

Today, I told my boyfriend that I was going to start controlling my drinking and he told me pretty much that he didn’t think I could do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 239 You deserved it 397

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dumper · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

Tonight, on First Dates…

Today, I finally got the courage to go on a first date with this guy I had a crush on for months. It was such a big deal for me cause it was my first date ever. The first thing he says when we met was, "I have to take a dump." I sat by myself for 10 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 643 You deserved it 5 703

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Basic respect desired · 1 February 2025, 03:00 ·United States

Classic bro moment

Today, my boyfriend and his friend were talking politics when my boyfriend referred to several female politicians as "yappy feminist scolds." They both laughed like oafs. I couldn't kick them both out fast enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 492 You deserved it 323

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Need lipo money · 1 February 2025, 00:00 ·Miami, United States

Crushed

Today, the guy I have a crush on told me that "if only he could find a girl with my personality." I asked him what I was missing to be his girl, since I apparently have the personality he wants. He told me, “Sorry to hurt your feelings, but perhaps a liposuction and a nose job.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 587 You deserved it 180

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Anonymous · 31 January 2025, 12:00 ·United States

No thanks!

Today, I was at a wedding, and during the bouquet toss, I stood back and let the single ladies have their moment. The bouquet flew straight at me, hit me in the face, and I instinctively grabbed it. Now everyone thinks I’m desperate to get married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419 You deserved it 121

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Anonymous · 31 January 2025, 09:00 ·Miami, United States

What's going on?

Today, I wanted to surprise my girlfriend by cleaning the entire house while she was at work. I even lit incense to make it extra special. When she came home, she walked in, sniffed, and immediately accused me of "cheating or something" because "only guilt makes you clean this much." She also blamed me for adding more dust by burning incense. FML

I agree, your life sucks 602 You deserved it 97

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Pete · 29 January 2025, 22:00 ·Perth, Australia

I'm sorry

Today, I spent 20 minutes practicing a heartfelt apology to my girlfriend for forgetting our anniversary. When I finally delivered it, she stared at me blankly and said, “Our anniversary is next week.” Now I’ve apologised for nothing, and she knows I’ll probably forget the actual date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103 You deserved it 569

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff ·Canada

Gross idea

Today, my husband and I got into a fight because I refused to let him use my fingernail to clean the plaque off his teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 247 You deserved it 3 045

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff ·Middleboro, United States

So romantic

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me by handing me a ring and saying, "Let's get this dumb shit over and done with." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 529 You deserved it 2 023

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Anonymous · 28 January 2025, 12:00 ·Denver, United States

Online predators exist in many forms

Today, some girl hit me up and was flirting with me over text. It turns out she was doing it for money and it’s been so long that I almost fell for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 434 You deserved it 108

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Fatima · 28 January 2025, 03:00 ·United States

I've changed my mind

Today, I invited a guy I'd met online once to a concert of an artist we both like. His response was, “Well, it depends. Do you weigh less than when I first met you?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 535 You deserved it 157

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Anonymous · 27 January 2025, 12:00 ·Orange Park, United States

A rock and a hard place

Today, I’ve been having an affair with my cousin’s husband for the last 16 years. For 3-ish months, when my husband gets drunk, he accuses us of cheating & threatens to tell everyone. Sober, he remembers nothing. We are constantly worried he will tell but are too in love to end it. Both in bad marriages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 116 You deserved it 2 112

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Gracie · 27 January 2025, 00:00 ·Cork, Ireland

Out of sight

Today, I thought I saw my ex in a crowded café, so I ducked behind a counter to avoid them. It turns out that I was hiding from a random stranger, while the barista thought I was trying to steal muffins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125 You deserved it 551

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Anonymous · 26 January 2025, 12:00 ·Mamak, Turkey

Don't give up

Today, I realized that for my entire life I haven't felt genuine romantic love for anyone, despite being with many. I've taken care of people and made them happy all the time, but in the end I never really loved anyone, except one person, but it's too late in my life to go back and change things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 411 You deserved it 183

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Anonymous · 26 January 2025, 00:00 ·United States

PUA in training

Today, I tried to use a corny pickup line on my crush, but my mind blanked and instead of, "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" I blurted, "Did you fall?" He just stared at me and said, "What?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 157 You deserved it 445

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Anonymous · 25 January 2025, 09:00 ·Houston, United States

Classic move

Today, I was on a date and tried to act seductive and mysterious by slowly sipping my drink while making eye contact with him. I misjudged the straw’s length and location and ended up poking myself in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 145 You deserved it 549

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Anonymous · 25 January 2025, 03:00 ·Australia

A cute one for a change

Today, I planned a romantic picnic date. I packed all my boyfriend’s favorite foods, set up a cozy blanket, and even brought flowers. The second we sat down, it started raining. We ate soggy sandwiches in my car while laughing at our “perfect date.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 441 You deserved it 134

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Anonymous · 24 January 2025, 15:00 ·Newark, United States

God's gift

Today, I tried to flirt with the cute cashier at my usual drive-thru. Instead of saying, "Thank you," I panicked and said, "I love you." Now I have to find a new favorite burger place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 174 You deserved it 420

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Anonymous · 23 January 2025, 22:00 ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

Intrusive

Today, no matter who I try to date, all I can do is think about them having sex with another man. Watching them being taken by someone else over and over again. I don’t know when this started or why it continues, but the thoughts continue to plague my mind regardless of how much I try to suppress it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 291 You deserved it 417

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Nathalie01 · 23 January 2025, 20:00 ·Chattanooga, United States

Fake it til you bake it

Today, I surprised my boyfriend by baking him some cookies for the first time. He took a bite and said, "Wow, these taste exactly like the ones my mom used to make!" I couldn't bring myself to admit that I'd used a store-bought mix, because I can’t bake to save my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 316 You deserved it 205

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Anonymous · 22 January 2025, 09:00 ·Montréal, Canada

Born slippy

Today, I took my date ice skating, even though I’m terrible at it. I always knew I had shit balance, but I practically spent the entire time clinging to the wall, while she glided gracefully around me like an Olympic skater. At one point, she laughed and said, "You’re graceful like a cat… slipping across a frozen patio!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 169 You deserved it 370

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Anonymous · 20 January 2025, 22:00 ·George Town, Malaysia

Bad sign, huh?

Today, I went to my class as usual. I've had my eyes on one guy for a year now. A new girl came in and he was talking about her with his friends when my friend suggested me instead of her. He took a glance at me before turning back into the conversation making the same face I did when I saw a disintegrated frog that'd been run over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 431 You deserved it 126

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Stephanie mom · 20 January 2025, 20:00 ·United States

Am I wrong or am I right?

Today, I was arguing with my husband about a girl. Ever since he met this person, he’s been neglecting our marriage. He says they’re just friends. I forcefully grabbed his phone, blocked all her socials, and deleted her number. He got so mad that he said he wanted a divorce and stormed out of our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319 You deserved it 856

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Anonymous · 20 January 2025, 15:00 ·United Kingdom

Free ring!

Today, the waiter took the cake with the engagement ring to another table. By the time he'd figured out his mistake, the other couple had left, with the ring. I demanded the security footage, and the couple didn’t just get up and go, they full on snuck out, making sure no one saw them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 602 You deserved it 143

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