Today, I was working from home when I mistakenly turned on my video camera during a conference call. I was wearing pajama pants and a t-shirt with a "Cannibal Corpse" album cover on it. FML
Today, I took my pet rabbit to the vet because I had noticed his genitals looked swollen compared to my other rabbit's. It turns out he's just "gifted". The vet laughed at me. FML
Today, I was supposed to have an important work video call with several members of management. However, when I logged onto the call, I realized that I had a cat filter on my feed and couldn't figure out how to turn it off. The lead manager was not amused and said I was having a "Boomer moment." FML
Today, I was in a meeting with my boss and a few coworkers when my stomach started growling. It was nearly lunchtime and I guess I was hungry. I tried to play it off like it was just a passing rumble, but it wouldn't stop. Eventually, my boss asked if I needed to use the restroom. FML
Today, I was in a meeting with my boss and some new clients when I sensed that I was about to sneeze. I tried to hold it in, but ended up sneezing AND farting. FML
Today, I was in a rush to get to work and forgot to put on deodorant. I didn't realize until my coworker told me I smelled like a gym sock. FML
Today, my little sister used scissors she got from school to cut my hair in the middle of the night while I was asleep. Now it looks like someone went at my hair with a chainsaw, and my school's dress code doesn't allow me to wear a hat or anything else to cover it up. FML
Today, I was on a plane when I had to use the bathroom. While pulling up my pants, the flush button got stuck and the water kept running. I tried to fix it, but ended up flooding the bathroom and the aisle. The attendants had to give me a towel and escort me back to my seat with everyone on the plane staring at me. FML
Today, I was on a date with a guy and we decided to go see a movie. As we were walking in, I saw my ex-boyfriend with his new girlfriend. I tried to avoid them, but my left heel got caught in a crack in the pavement and I fell face-first onto the ground. My ex and his girlfriend saw me, laughed, and walked off. FML
Today, I was giving a presentation at work but accidentally spilled water all over my laptop. I tried to dry it off, but it wouldn't turn on. I had to give the presentation awkwardly using my phone and everyone took the piss out of me and my shoddy performance. FML
Today, I had pest guys over, so I asked if I should put my cat away. They asked if he was crazy, and I usually call him a "nut job" or a "handful" but instead of one of those, I said, "He's a handjob" to them. FML
Today, while at a restaurant on a date, I spilled red wine on the white tablecloth. The waiter came over with a new one, saying, "Don't worry, it's not the first time someone's spilled wine here." My date leaned over and whispered, "It's the first time someone's spilled it on me, though." FML
Today, I went to the gym and accidentally farted during yoga class. Everyone looked at me and the instructor said, "Let's all take a moment to appreciate the power of core strength." FML
Today, I got stuck in a dress in the fitting room and had to call the sales associate for help. She had to crawl under the door to rescue me. FML
Today, someone handed me a drink at a wedding, so I awkwardly took a sip and commented on the taste. It turns out they were just trying to “Cheers!” me. FML
Today, I was trying out for a local basketball team, so I put extra effort into showing off my baller skills. Unfortunately, I managed to hit myself in the face with the ball, knocking out one of my own teeth. FML
Today, I had to go to the bathroom, but the door was closed. I waited until I was pretty much about to explode, and eventually yelled, "Are you okay?" and my roommate replied, "What are you talking about? Oh, sorry. I left the light on." How do you close the door and forget to turn off the light? FML
Today, after finishing a song during karaoke, a man came up to me and held out his hand. Quite flattered, I shook it, said thanks and that I was glad he enjoyed it. Turns out he was next and just wanted the microphone. FML
Today, my younger brother helpfully pointed out that I'm the only one in my family of five who is single. He's twelve. FML
Today, date night with my boyfriend. I had my makeup done, fake lashes, etc. He was staring at me and I thought, "Oh, he loves how my eyes look" so I started flirting a lot, fluttering my lashes. We then took a pic and saw my lashes were falling, so I asked, ”Were they like that the whole night?” He replied, “Yeah, it looked weird.” FML
Today, I tried to impress our swim team coach by doing a complicated backflip from the diving board. I landed face-first in the pool and had to be rescued by the lifeguard, so I guess I won't be going to the Olympics any time soon. FML
Today, I went to the dentist for a routine cleaning. As I was leaving, the receptionist told me to "have a nice day" and I replied, "You too, love you!" then I went back home and roasted in the embarrassment for an hour or two. FML
Today, I tried to show off my basketball skills to a cute girl at the park. I went up for a dunk and ended up getting stuck in the net, hanging upside down while everyone laughed at me. FML
Today, I tried to dye my hair blonde using a DIY kit I found online. As I was washing out the dye, I realized my hair had turned bright orange. I had to wear a hat all day to avoid being seen in public with a Johnny Rotten fright-wig. FML
Today, I thought I was on mute during a virtual watch party, and it's only after the third or fourth flappy fart that someone pointed this fact out to me. FML
Today, I went to see a movie with my mum. She kept asking me questions throughout the entire film, and not necessarily about the movie. I lost my cool when she asked me a bit too loudly for comfort if I regretted being dumped my ex. FML
Today, like many other days, I drove 15 minutes away from my girlfriend's house to poop at the local McDonald's, because I'm too scared of her roommates hearing my extreme noise terror. FML
Today, I slipped on a small wet patch of floor in the grocery store and fell flat on my back, bringing my half-full shopping cart down with me. FML
Today, I tried to take off my hoodie. Somehow my shirt came off with it, leaving me shirtless in public, as I sheepishly tried to put it back on. Not only were people staring, but there was a mother covering her son's eyes. FML
Today, I was screen-sharing during a virtual meeting when my cat jumped up and walked across my keyboard, and revealed my embarrassing search history. FML
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