Today, I found out that my boyfriend has been asked by multiple people, "Why are you going out with such an ugly girl?" FML
Today, I drove a different work vehicle, one with the cupholder right behind the gear lever. After multiple accidental attempts at changing gears with my Coke bottle, I threw it out the window in a temper. I then got busted for littering. FML
Today, my mom yelled at me because I didn't hear to her calls while I was listening to music. She told me she wouldn't trust me again, that I'm worthless. When I began crying, she told me that I was psychologically manipulate her. It's been like this all the time lately. I can't wait to move out. FML
Today, I went to my husband’s funeral. Not his real one, his rehearsal funeral. He just wants to make sure everything will go according to plan. As far as I know, he is a very healthy 26-year-old. FML
Today, while having dinner with my girlfriend's very religious parents, her mother called me a heathen and said she'd convert me one day. She wasn't kidding. FML
Today, I developed a serious case of diarrhea. This wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't suffering from a severe cough as well. I'm terrified to cough again, because I'm running out of clean underwear. FML
Today, despite the fact that I've lived alone for four years, and have a well-paid job, my father is still whining about, "Why am I still playing video games at age 32?" FML
Today, I saw a sketchy looking person frustratingly trying to open a BMW in the parking lot where I work. I ran outside to confront him and call the cops. Turns out, not only was he the owner of that vehicle, but he was one of our company’s biggest donors. FML
Today, my Doordash driver texted me to let me know my son had picked up the food I'd ordered. I don't have kids. FML
Today, I was going to have a phone interview for an amazing internship opportunity. It was supposed to take place at 11AM. It’s now 1:30PM. My phone calls and concerned email have gone unanswered. FML
Today, after I'd being sick all day, my boyfriend volunteered to do my very long sociology paper. I was later notified by my professor that the paper I'd submitted was completely plagiarized. FML
Today, thinking it would be funny I tried tricking my boyfriend into thinking my grandparents were cousins, and that I was the product of incest. This would have been a great prank, if he hadn't have said, "You know what? That actually makes sense. It all makes sense now." FML
Today, some bloke pushed me to the floor and kicked me twice in the head so he could steal, no joke, the two Greggs pasties I just bought. He wasn’t homeless either, he had designer jeans and a giant iPhone, and he did it in broad daylight with witnesses. What the hell? FML
Today, I was driving to a gas station because I'd noticed I was almost on empty. Literally a block away from the gas station, my car broke down in the middle of an intersection, and I had to push my car to the side of the road, only to be questioned by police for "suspicious behavior." FML
Today, my mom found out about my brother smoking. She calmly discussed smoking with him. On the other hand, I got yelled at and made to do chores all day despite having a university exam, just because I knew about it but I didn't tell her, because I knew that I would get the short end of the stick. FML
Today, I, a woman, realized that only women find me attractive, which is fine, except that I'm straight. FML
Today, my girlfriend, who I've been living with for the last month, told me she's not attracted to me and wants to see other people. She told me this after months of dating and telling me she was thinking about having a child with me. FML
Today, my old high school mates organised a dinner hangout so that my recent ex, who is part of our group, could introducing her new boyfriend to us. I was late and the only remaining seat available was next to the new boyfriend. FML
Today, I was invited to my ten year high school reunion. I refuse to go because I’ll stick out like a sore thumb. All the girls I grew up with will be there with their husbands, while I’m a single loser who can’t get a man to save her life. FML
Today, I'm depressed. After trying to talk to my boss about it, twice, as it has been affecting my work, I've been told to, "Stop thinking about it" and to, "Man up." He has also told me to come to him with any problems I'm having, and to be honest with him. FML
Today, I learned that my friend's "No shoes in the house" rule was only told to me so he had an excuse to see my feet. I found out when he had a group of us over and I was the only one barefoot, while he didn't care that everyone else had shoes on. FML
Today, my wife finally let our kids stay the night at my mom's house, meaning we had our first night totally alone together in 6 years. She spent all night texting my mom for updates on the kids or on the phone to her sister, so I watched a film by myself then went to bed bored at 8:15 p.m. FML
Today, I learned my husband was told to isolate for 10 days but hid it from me and pretended to go to work every day, then snuck back home after I left to take the kids to daycare, and has basically had a chore and child-free holiday, playing Xbox every day. FML
Today, I realized I'm very much in love with my old boyfriend. I got married to someone else a few months ago, who I also very much love. FML
Today, here in Japan, it was announced that we are going into ANOTHER state of emergency, for the fourth time, meaning restaurants, movies, theaters, all will be closed. BUT they will still host the Olympics. FML
Today, my wife left her curling iron on the bed, which was dangerous enough, but I also accidentally sat on it after my shower. Now I have a burn on the bottom of my balls, which has turned into a painful blister. FML
Today my 98-year-old grandad has Alzheimer’s and seems to think I’m his senior officer from his first years as a police officer. Apparently a lot of illegal shit went on in those days, when cops were bigger crooks than the actual criminals were. FML
Today, it became apparent that my new boyfriend has the mental process where unless you give him specific instructions, he can’t do anything right. Such as when asking him to let the dog out, it won’t occur to him to let the dog back in until I get home. By then the dog had destroyed the garden out of boredom. FML
Today, I got a concussion when banging my head. I got extremely nauseous and nearly passed out. The emergency doctor gave me anti-nausea pills. The top three side effects are headache, dizziness and drowsiness. I have no idea if they're working. FML
Today, I was told that my in-laws are visiting next weekend. I already have anxiety, as they behaved really badly last time and treat our newborn like a toy and keep bothering her. My husband won't say anything as he wants to spare their feelings. FML
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