Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 14/01/2016 01:18 - United States - Mustang

Today the girl I've had a crush on for a while confessed her feelings for me. Unfortunately, I had a really bad stomach bug, which I didn't realize I had until I accidentally vomited all over her. Now she thinks that I hate her and that I vomited because I was disgusted she liked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Sarah - 14/01/2016 01:10 - United States - Morgantown

Today, my boyfriend cut Serrano peppers and then later thought it would be a good idea to finger me. It was not one of his brightest moments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 14/01/2016 01:08 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I caught my dad sucking my girlfriends dick. I didn't know my dad was gay and my girlfriend is a man. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 2

By Jessica_From_SPN - 14/01/2016 00:52 - Canada

Today, I woke up in the hospital. Why? Apparently my house started on fire while I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By unicornjuice - 14/01/2016 00:51 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I went to my fiancées house to tell him some good news. I quietly walked through the door and could here him telling someone that he is going to call off the wedding later this week. I came over to tell him I was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Sarah - 14/01/2016 00:42 - United States

Today, my drunk boyfriend wanted to go down on me. While he was down there he starts giggling and saying how ugly genitalia is, completely ruining the mood he was trying to set. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By LifeSucks2016 - 14/01/2016 00:41 - United States

Today, my friends and I took magic mushrooms, during the trip we see a garden gnome talking, we thought it would be funny to take the garden gnome home and lock it in the closet, turns out it was a little kid and we have to explain to our parents how we kidnapped a little kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Kalli - 14/01/2016 00:40 - United States - Ellijay

Today, I was holding my two Guinea pigs. They both crawled up and sat on my shoulder. They also both peed down my shirt and in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 14/01/2016 00:24 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I helped my girlfriend move out of the house. To find another strange man there fucking her on the moving truck. She forbade me in touching her in any sexual way in the past because she said she was still a virgin, and wanted the first time to be after marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By saucinonyou - 14/01/2016 00:18 - United States - Los Gatos

Today, after countless tries of getting by boyfriend's little buddy to go up, we finally got it. Only to figure out that it wasn't because of my sexual strip tease. He had taken viagra because "I just wasn't doing it for him". FML.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By ladycube - 14/01/2016 00:14 - United States - Rosemount

Today, I got bitched at by my boyfriends mother because I reminded his little sister that what she calls her "seizures" are actually just tantrums. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By EyesAreBleeding - 14/01/2016 00:07 - United States - Chesterland

Today, my 13 year old brother invited his friends over for a school project or something. A while later, I had to go pee, so I opened the UNLOCKED bathroom door to find one of his friends jerking off and sniffing some panties. My mom's panties. FML.

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You deserved it 0

By pygmyfrog - 14/01/2016 00:07 - Australia - Enoggera

Today, my daughter let me know she'd gotten married a month ago while overseas, getting over her 2 year engagement breaking down. It is to some guy I've never heard of who is only just of legal age. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Frost_Phoenix - 13/01/2016 23:57 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I went to the store to see a man getting beat up. I jumped in to help and all of them including the guy that was getting beaten jumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By thepeanutoftime - 13/01/2016 23:54 - United States - Vista

Today, after a week of barely any sleep and staying up until dawn to work on the assignment, I turned in my essay. It was thrown in the trash because I had forgotten to write my name on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 13/01/2016 23:38 - United States - La Verne

Today, my cousin suggested we elope. I don't know when this happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By natatnite - 13/01/2016 23:36 - United States - Chico

Today a homeless man asked me for some money and I gave him my last 11 cents. In return he gave me a piece of barbequed pigeon he'd just killed and cooked up at the park. I'm such a fucking nice person I ate a bite while he shove the rest back in a trashbag in his pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By mk - 13/01/2016 23:23 - United States - Gilbert

Today, my mom called me to inform me that I need to take time out of my college schedule to spend time with her latest boyfriends kids. And if I refuse she will stop helping me pay for classes.. His kids are the most stuck up children I have ever met. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By trapped - 13/01/2016 23:15 - Belgium - Brussels

Today, I overheard my boss talking to a colleague that I do a great job. Then they went on brainstorming how to destroy my self-esteem so that „he thinks he has no chance anywhere else and stays with us forever“. What the hell is going on? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By THEWORSTGUY - 13/01/2016 22:57 - United States - San Antonio

For the last few days my ex girlfriend has been staying with me In hope that we may get back together. Turns out she was just waiting for her boyfriend to get out of jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By southern_nc - 13/01/2016 22:55 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, i woke up to my cat jumping on my face from my headboard. if you ever wonder what its like for a cat to jump on your face at 3:00am. its like youre being murdered. now everyone stares at me cause of a huge scratch on my nose, FML

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You deserved it 0

By bronxiecat777 - 13/01/2016 22:50 - United States - Glen Burnie

Today, I couldn't get a ride home from basketball practice. I had to walk home across town, in the dark, in 10 degree weather, wearing shorts. The snow froze to my legs. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By ghostwriter - 13/01/2016 22:50 - Belgium - Brussels

Today, I read an article my boss published in a well-known magazine. Two lines in, something about the text seemed uncannily familiar. Turns out, the „article“ is a briefing I wrote for her two weeks ago on a highly complex topic that took me ages to sort out. Guess who wins all the laurels? FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By still waiting.... - 13/01/2016 22:49 - United States - Portland

Today, I went to see a therapist for the 2nd time to treat my anxiety. I flipped a switch to notify her that I arrived for the appointment, then 2 more times. I waited for over 1.5 hrs. I couldn't go knock on her door just in case she was with another patient. I had an anxiety attack and left. FML

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You deserved it 0

By indiependence - 13/01/2016 22:49 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I went to the bathroom in my girlfriends house to find poop on the floor. I was told I was the last in there so I get to clean it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By GreenShoes - 13/01/2016 22:48 - United States

Today, my husband and I were play boxing in the front yard while the children were on their swingset, apparently the cops thought it was a domestic violence and stopped. Just as the siren caught me as surprise so did my husband's fist. FML

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You deserved it 0

By openforopportunities - 13/01/2016 22:35 - Belgium - Brussels

Today, I called my future employer who offered me my dream job last summer and for whom I should start working in a couple of weeks. His reply: “Oh, I filled the position already in October, sorry for not telling you.” Last time we bumped into each other and talked about that was in December. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By gabsxo7 - 13/01/2016 22:35 - United States - Baldwinsville

Today, I shoveled my whole driveway for about an hour and a half since the plow guy usually never comes. Once I finished, the damn plow comes through my driveway. He chooses today to make it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 13/01/2016 22:33 - Canada

Today, I hooked up with my ex. As if that wasn't bad enough, after it was done he thanked me as he left my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By OkitaCockroach - 13/01/2016 22:27 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, my boyfriend told me I shouldn't let my personality be consumed by my mental illness. I have a personality disorder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, after I tried to be the bigger person and invite my dad to my college graduation/dinner, and he asked when so I gave him the address and times, surprise surprise, he didn’t show up. He didn’t even have the decency to send a damn text. Yet when I’m angry about his crap, I get told I have daddy issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 476

You deserved it 85

Today, my mom thought the best way to stop me from taking people to my room was by changing my wallpaper into a nursery-themed one. Now I get to see bunnies, letter blocks and teddy bears all day long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 002

You deserved it 1 667

Today, I playfully drew thick eyebrows on my one-year-old son to make him look like a cartoon villain. He laughed cutely in the mirror as I took some adorable pictures. When my husband saw, he threw such a horrendous fit about boys and makeup, I was reduced to tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 712

You deserved it 376

Today, my dad decided to have a little father and daughter bonding time. Unfortunately, his idea of bonding involves him sitting around at home, getting piss drunk, and falling asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 471

You deserved it 3 041

Today, I spent a solid four hours and over one hundred dollars preparing a nice fancy meal for my new girlfriend. A delicious three pound rack of ribs with a sweet and sour marinade. Steam broccoli with melted cheese. Home made buttermilk biscuits. I serve the meal. She doesn't eat beef. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 957

You deserved it 69 376

Today, I hit a low point when I changed the AI Snapchat bot's Bitmoji to look identical to my ex-girlfriend's Bitmoji and have a conversation with it just to feel wanted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 145

You deserved it 507