Nearly FMLs

By navybaby666 - 13/01/2016 22:27 - United States - Eau Claire

Today, my parents brought home Subway for lunch. My brother (somehow missing the names written on them) ate my sandwich. Now he won't give me his and I have to watch everyone eat. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By NewFriendChris - 13/01/2016 22:18 - United States - Hollywood

Today, I checked my ex's Facebook after a year and saw that my ex was selfish, rude, and is happily getting married. I write poetry, have every dating app you can think of, and I'm still alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Leauge - 13/01/2016 22:00 - United States - Owensboro

Today,I learned that my girlfriend's unborn child isn't mine, but it's my grandfathers. She demands I pay child support.FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Awkward_Turtle69 - 13/01/2016 21:59 - United States

Today, After weeks of doctor visits the retinal specialist finally said he has no clue how to cure my disease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By twitchtail - 13/01/2016 21:59 - United States - Brunswick

Today, I wore new shoes to school. What I didn't realize, was that they had no traction. So in turn, I slipped and ended up sliding down the hill to the bus stop. And almost got hit by a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By big boy - 13/01/2016 21:52 - United States - Spotsylvania

Today, I realized that most people are actually quite nice to me when I'm out in public. They even end their sentences with "ma'am". I would be delighted if I weren't a sixteen year old boy.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By xVigilance - 13/01/2016 21:37 - United States

Today, I was dumped by my girlfriend and my best friend hates me. Just as I thought that my day couldn't get any worse, I came home to find that the cat puked on my bed and all over my new laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By well I'm sorry - 13/01/2016 21:29 - United Kingdom - Waterlooville

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I didn't reply to him for a few hours. Today is also the day my grandad passed away.FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By bregaja - 13/01/2016 21:15 - United States - Brandon

Today, while laying in bed with my cat beside me, I rolled over and felt something gooey and wet on my arm. I opened my eyes to see he threw up everywhere on my bed, ruining my brand new 150 dollar quilt. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By I fucking knew it - 13/01/2016 21:05 - United Kingdom - Daventry

Today, my wife got home drunk and started giving me a blowjob, I was happy enough since she hasn't initiated sex in 8 months. Then I was less happy when she said "graham, your cock is so much bigger than Matthews" I am Matthew, graham is my transgender brother and his penis is artificial FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 13/01/2016 21:04 - United States - Miami

Today, like many days, I texted my only friend. After a while with no reply, I looked back at our coversations. He hasn't texted me since August. Clearly I didn't take the hint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By i wants insulin - 13/01/2016 21:02 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mother prevented me from taking my shots of insulin because "they cause cancer". I'm a type one diabetic and I can't eat without insulin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Solaris675 - 13/01/2016 20:53 - United States - Anderson

Today, I had to do a presentation on the new deal and apparently my zipper was down and a couple other things, my dick decided to say hi to everyone in the class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 1

By rebelbelle - 13/01/2016 20:34 - United States

Today, I hiccuped so hard I threw up all over my boss, in the middle of a meeting.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 13/01/2016 20:26 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend sleeping with my best friend. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By mirandataylor - 13/01/2016 19:35 - United States - Katy

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. It is also the day that I found out that I am pregnant. Now he won't believe me because I'm "just trying to get him to stay." Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By anonymoussqueak - 13/01/2016 19:32 - United States

Today, I took my driving test. I got into the car and had a full blown anxiety attack. Midway through the test the instructor goes, "We'll just end this here. If this was a test to see what not to do while driving, you would have passed with flying colors." Then they took a picture of me crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Homestuckmyass - 13/01/2016 19:31 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after being a great friend to a guy I like, I found out he only hung out with me to get closer to my bestfriend. They are now dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 13/01/2016 19:28

Today, while sitting in the car of my best friend he stopped me mid sentence by gently running his fingers down the side of my cheek I gulped and waited for the kiss I've always dreamt about only to feel him playfully smack me and yell "you thought" and tell me I'm such a girl! FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By redfox1997 - 13/01/2016 19:16 - United States - Seymour

Today, in class, we had to group up and use a laptop. I was the only one in the group that had one, so I let my group use it. The professor had us plug it in to TVs around the room to show off photos. When I logged in, the class got to see my Tumblr page full of Destiel fanart I forgot to close. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 2

By Anonymous - 13/01/2016 19:15 - United States - Wilson

Today, I found out what it's like to be driving one second, and to be sitting on the side of the road still holding the steering wheel the next. I still don't know where the rest of the car went. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By bad grades - 13/01/2016 19:13 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I missed the school bus. How? When I sat down to pee 5 minutes before the bus is due, I ended up having an hour's worth of diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 13/01/2016 19:10 - United States - Lowell

Today I got a $200+ speeding ticket. Then 8 hours later, while going 20 in a 35, I slid on ice and drive into a ditch. Then, to cap off the day, I couldn't get into my own driveway because every surface was iced over. I don't know whether to laugh at the ridiculousness or cry at the frustration. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By NewFriendChris - 13/01/2016 19:04 - United States - Hollywood

Today, I had to take my Black Ops 2 disc back to gamestop because my WiiU froze when I tried to play it. The guy said the game was discontinued so he didnt have another copy but I can get it on the Eshop to download and sold me the cards. On the shop the game read "Available by Retail only". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Nope, no allergies... - 13/01/2016 18:59 - United States - Escondido

Today, after being exposed to bacterial meningitis at work, I went to a doctor's office to be checked out. The doctor decided to inject me with a large dose of antibiotics just to be safe and 15 excruciating minutes later I was in the ER, being treated for a severe allergic reaction. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By miss_kay07 - 13/01/2016 18:55 - United States - Aurora

Today, I had a dream there was a spider crawling between my fingers. This morning, I woke up to spider bites all up and down my arm. I better be getting some super powers for this...FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By mads_nicole - 13/01/2016 18:52

Today, before noon I managed to forget part of my uniform at home, accidentally cut myself while prepping my kitchen station, screw up FIVE batches of eggs, & cause a pot of melted butter to explode & thus disrupt my teacher's demo. Culinary school is off to a great start. Can't wait for day 4. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By big bro - 13/01/2016 18:30 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while I was at work my manger bumped into me and I placed my hand on the fryer resulting in my hand getting burned. So as I was wrapping my hand my manger wrote me up for not being on task! Fml

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By BrotatoPotato - 13/01/2016 18:19

Today, the perfect the little angel dog i've had for a few months and has yet to destroy a single thing decided to check out the trash and share my mom's used tampon with the entire living room. I had to clean up the pieces. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Alex - 13/01/2016 18:16 - United States - Burtonsville

Today, my fiancé woke up from a nightmare where I cheated on her (I didn't). She has so far successfully hacked my personal e-mail, work e-mail, social media and has refused to talk to me. Not sure if I'm worse at picking a wife or passwords FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, someone switched my hairspray with bug spray when I didn't notice. I used it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 003

You deserved it 6 550

Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 302

You deserved it 9 097

Today, my girlfriend got a sexy new tattoo as a surprise for me. It’s on her boob in Japanese, next to a pair of sexy lips, and she claims it says "Oral Queen." I'm fluent in Japanese so I wish she'd asked for my help first, because it actually translates to "Mouth Ruler" which is not sexy at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003

You deserved it 248

Today, my mother brought over some early Christmas presents for me and the kids. The kid's presents were fine, mine however consisted of many yard accessories, including solar lights. I live in an apartment building with no yard. Her response? "Buy a potted plant and shove them in there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 078

You deserved it 2 645

Today, I won an award at school for my hard work. Afterwards, my parents told me off. Why? They wanted my brother to get it instead of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 763

You deserved it 1 969

Today, in history class I was called "ignorant" and "inconsiderate" because I referred to Stalin as a "he". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 257

You deserved it 1 666