Nearly FMLs

By scared - 14/01/2016 15:07 - United States - Humble

Today, I told my teacher about my severe anxiety and asked if I could give my presentation for my senior project in private. Her response? "Everyone fears public speaking. Suck it up." I ended up having an anxiety attack while presenting and failed. I don't get a second chance. FMl

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By justarandom - 14/01/2016 14:53 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I came home to my house being robbed. When I walked through the door a guy ran out the back door and as I was searching the rest of the house I found my ex best friend in my closet with a handful of my clothes and money.

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By the_rascal64 - 14/01/2016 14:47 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out how over attached to technology I am. When my glasses got dirty I tried to "focus" them instead of cleaning them. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 14/01/2016 14:42 - United States - Winchester

Today, my boyfriend was eating me out. My dog decided to help him. FML.

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By Anonymous - 14/01/2016 14:39 - United States - Seneca Falls

Today, my boyfriend and I were scrolling through some FML's when we came across one about a girl not being able to finish off her boyfriend by giving him head resulting in him pushing her off. After reading this, my boyfriend scoffs and gently says "happens to me too" FML.

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By Anonymous - 14/01/2016 14:39 - Canada - Fenwick

Today, I asked my mother-in-law to watch after my baby daughter. When I returned home, my baby's ears were pierced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 031

You deserved it 1 367

By Albull - 14/01/2016 13:47 - United Kingdom - Pontypridd

Today, I was watching a horror movie when my mum decided to come up behind me and scare me....I jumped so badly that I hit my foot off the desk and broke my big toe. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Space_Teddy - 14/01/2016 13:43 - Netherlands - Den Haag

Today, I got offered money to have a threesome with a guy and his dad. FML

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You deserved it 0

By scarred_foreva - 14/01/2016 13:40 - Australia - Carlingford

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend has been clipping his pedometer to our hyperactive puppy's collar to cheat on how many steps he does. Now I know how he won our competition for the most steps the last few weeks. FML

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By moosemay - 14/01/2016 13:29 - Germany - Dittelbrunn

Today, I went to visit my grandpa at the dementia unit of his retirement home. His roommate showed my his wrinkled wiener while the guy he shares a table with took out his teeth and gave them to me. FML

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By Clean green - 14/01/2016 12:58 - Sweden - K?rna

Today, after spending days preparing for an important client meeting and after numerous discussions with my boss on the presentation content, I start the presentation. As soon as I finish the first slide, my boss looks up and says 'This is completely wrong' - in front of the clients! FML

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You deserved it 0

By kuraifenshi - 14/01/2016 12:35 - United States - New York

Today, I met my cousin's boyfriend. That wouldn't have been so bad if we didn't share a room and it wasn't 3 o'clock in the morning. FML

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By Leauge - 14/01/2016 12:23 - United States - Owensboro

Today, I found out that the child my girlfriend has isn't mine. But it's my father's child. FML

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By I'm straight - 14/01/2016 12:18 - United States

Today, I was walking through the halls to get to my next class and my contact was out of place. So I wink the one eye to fix it. Unfortunately, when I winked a male teacher also winked. I'm a 14 year old guy. FML

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By TheOhr - 14/01/2016 11:06 - Lithuania - Vilnius

Today, I still can't get over the fact that I was broken up with via one facebook message after a 3-year relationship. It happened two weeks after I spent 2000€ just to visit her while she was on her student exchange program. I make 500€/month. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/01/2016 10:27 - Australia - Ryde

Today, the hot guy I work with asked me out, so of course I said yes-him being hot and all. After a brilliant date we went back to his place and talked, then it got intimate. It was also then that I discovered he has a certain (almost) fetish of being called "the dark lord" during sex. FML

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By jackipdoc - 14/01/2016 10:09 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided that he still wants to be with me, but he wants me to move out of his apartment because I'm too financially stable and I pay for all of our conveniences. FML

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By AboutToLoseMyDreamJob - 14/01/2016 09:41 - United States - Jasper

Today, my bosses pulled me aside & said I wasn't not getting the training fast enough & had an attitude with my coworkers. No one told me I was doing things wrong. My coworkers are sarcastic as hell & I've been nice to them. I have until the end of the month to improve or I lose my job. FML

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By ohgoodlordjen - 14/01/2016 09:30 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after a particularly bad week dealing with my chronic insomnia I finally fell asleep, only to be woken up 45 minuets later by mother calling to see if I actually fell asleep. fml.

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By Hungry Ghosts Bothering My Phone - 14/01/2016 09:04 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was reading a book on my phone. I suddenly felt crumbs on it, and looked at the back to see a fingerprint of what appears to be a cheese-like substance. I'm not eating anything, and haven't for hours, have since washed my hands, and am alone. FML

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By MandieL - 14/01/2016 08:56 - Canada

Today, after binge watching "making a murderer" on Netflix with my husband, he threw the remote at the TV angrily because we disagreed on the outcome of the trials. He is now giving me the silent treatment because he wouldn't have thrown the remote had I not been disagreeing with him. FML.

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By whistle please - 14/01/2016 08:44 - Australia

Today, I realized that I fart to much at home after I heard my parrot mimicking the sound of farts. FML

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By idefka - 14/01/2016 08:42 - United States

Today, I came out to my parents. My dad replied with a dad joke. 'Hi gay, I'm dad.' Seriously? FML

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You deserved it 0

By nnniii - 14/01/2016 08:32 - United States - San Francisco

Today, during foreplay, out of nowhere, my boyfriend started singing the striped sweater song from SpongeBob. He laughed so hard and for so long that he lost his boner. This isn't the first time this has happened. FML

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By awawawadyauda - 14/01/2016 08:24 - United States - San Francisco

Today, awhile after my ex boyfriend cheated on me, I decided to sign up for a blind date service. I went to the blind date. It was his dad.

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By batman1989 - 14/01/2016 07:05 - United States

Today, my boss threatened me she is going to demote me because I'm sick and my medication makes me take more then usual bathroom breaks. FML

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By Pleasenoplease - 14/01/2016 06:43 - Germany - Peine

Today, my soon-to-be wife and I have to meet her mother to get important papers. She threw my girlfriend out over a year ago, is abusive and very loud. My girlfriend and I have anxiety problems. FML

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You deserved it 0

By epilepticloh - 14/01/2016 06:38 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my dad made me laugh really hard,this would've been fine, had I not been on my hospital bed with my whole chest freshly stitched and taped up after heart surgery. Holy hell did that hurt, I feel like my innards are going to explode due to laughter FML

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By -flusf- - 14/01/2016 06:36 - United States - Valrico

Today, I was hitting on a girl I work with, as I had done on multiple occasions the past month or so. During conversation I asked "so what do you like to do for fun?" To which she replied "my boyfriend" before walking away. Fml

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You deserved it 2

By Anonymous - 14/01/2016 06:25 - Malaysia - Melaka

Today, I noticed my friend was feeling down, jokingly, I said "You looks like that your cat just died". His cat died. Panicked, I thought i could lighten up the mood by stating that at least his dad still is still alive. His dad and his cat have an accident while on the way to the vet. FML

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, my friend gave me a fortune cookie that said, "Don't be saddened by an upcoming event". Three hours later my girlfriend broke up with me because she said I was too superstitious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 150

You deserved it 6 478

Today, I heard some rhythmic moaning from the apartment next door. It took me 10 minutes to realize that my neighbor was not having it off, she was actually vacuuming her apartment. It's been so long since I've had sex that I can't even recognize the sound of other people having it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 081

You deserved it 4 522

Today, I noticed that my coffee mug has a 'dishwasher safe' label. I've been hand washing it for a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 187

You deserved it 850

Today, the girl I really liked started talking to me, so I asked her out on a date. After waiting an hour at the theatre, I texted her asking where she was. She replied with, "Oh! You were serious about the date?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 804

You deserved it 3 527

Today, I went to the toilet during drama class, not because I had to actually go, but because I wanted to play Monopoly on my iPod. I lost track of time and came back twenty minutes later. My whole class listened while I was forced to tell my teacher I'd been really constipated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 900

You deserved it 47 649

Today, I woke up in a complete daze. It took me a few minutes to realize what had happened. Apparently my sleepwalking problems have returned, only this time I managed to overdose myself with Nyquil. As a result, I slept for fourteen hours, wet my sheets, and lost my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 904

You deserved it 4 135