Nearly FMLs

By Payt_Lynn - 13/01/2016 18:12 - United States

Today, I finally had a legitimate reason to shave my legs and my crotch after about a month of not shaving. The legitimate reason? My yearly gynecologist visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Maria - 13/01/2016 17:59 - Bulgaria - Varna

Today I got a call that i won an Iphone 6 but my mom found the cash receipt that i need to confirm my entry and thought it was trash and threw it away FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Coldveryverycold - 13/01/2016 17:41

Today, My space heater got taken away because my sister keeps tripping the circuit breaker and blaming it on me. She is the one with 10 things plugged in while It's just my laptop and the space heater. It's cold in my room without one. She's all toasty in her room with her space heater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ImNotSleepingWithThat - 13/01/2016 17:33 - Denmark - ?lborg

Today, my sister entered my room, proceeded to openly let out a rancid fart as she sat down on my pillow, and then threw a fit when I told her to throw it in the wash. She's 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 2

By Alli - 13/01/2016 17:29 - United States - Gilbert

Today, after having a wonderful dinner for my boyfriend's birthday at Olive Garden, I started feeling nauseous. At midnight, I went into the bathroom to throw up, and it came out both ends. Yes, I threw up and crapped my pants at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By evenmoredepressed - 13/01/2016 17:21 - United Kingdom - Mansfield

Today, I talked to my friend about being recently diagnosed with depression, he is also dealing with it so I thought he'd be supportive. Plus I spent many sleepless nights talking to him so he wouldn't be alone; instead he said I was selfish for being depressed since he has enough to deal with FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Thelastfallen - 13/01/2016 17:21 - United States - Spokane

Today, I was furiously writing a review on how much I loved my new keyboard and how it hasn't crapped out on me. The fuckstick I am, I broke my keyboard in the process of writing that review. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Cheesehead1995 - 13/01/2016 17:20 - United States - Pharr

Today, at work I was wringing a customer out. After I pushed total, she chewed me out for making the taxes too high and that I should work on making them lower. WTF? FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By advet94 - 13/01/2016 17:11 - Spain - Pozuelo De Alarc?n

Today, my parents went traveling to Rome and I can't get into my house because I forgot my keys inside. I have no relative willing to put me up and my parents won't come back for six days. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By nervous? - 13/01/2016 17:09 - United States - Altamonte Springs

Today, while taking my driving test, the guy grading me was laughing the entire time. I was unaware that he was laughing at me, until after the test he says, "You did fine, but your face.. You looked constipated." I mean, at least I passed and never have to see him again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By polka - 13/01/2016 17:00 - Canada - Windsor

Today i was giving my girlfriend a hickey on her stomach. After 30 seconds or so of sucking i realized i was sucking the blood out of her mosquito bite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 1

By You'reNotWelcome - 13/01/2016 16:36 - United States - White Plains

Today, I was kind enough to hold the door open for a fellow classmate who I've never really spoken to. Instead of a thank you, I got a burp to the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By TheLonelyBagle - 13/01/2016 16:31 - United States - Pittsboro

Today, my cat kept on shitting on my carpet and I don't know why. When I got back home I found my bottle of heavy laxatives empty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By PrefersComputersToPpl - 13/01/2016 16:27 - United States - Hockessin

Today, as part of a project for a coding class my friend decided not to do his part cause he "found a loophole". This made our assignment late and when I confronted him about it he screamed "You've done nothing!" I agree cause my part is writing the code for the program descriptions he makes, FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By fmlfreek101 - 13/01/2016 15:29 - Australia - Narre Warren

Today, at work at a cafè, my co-worker broke the toasted sandwich maker at work, but told us not to worry; she can use her hair straightener instead. This woman makes twice the salary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By tassiatessa - 13/01/2016 15:18 - United States - Lake Arrowhead

Today, I went to use the restroom, when I got there I smelled bleach and heard the snipping of scissors. When I asked my brother what he was doing in there he replied with "cleaning" and then "you don't want to know what I'm cleaning." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By GZilla2010 - 13/01/2016 15:18 - United States - Quincy

Today, I was getting ready for school. As I was about to leave, my cat started to throw up. Acting quicky, I rushed to put newspaper underneath of it so the carpet wouldn't stain. The cat got scared, jumped up, and vomited all over me. Not one drop hit the newspaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By klseolse - 13/01/2016 14:52 - United States - Columbia

Today, My school decided to have a fundraiser for charity. we need to raise $1000, and the motive is they will play the song happy throughout the school until we reach the goal. everyone is boycotting it, and its still going on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 13/01/2016 14:41 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my cat slept in my bed the entire afternoon and into the night. I jokingly asked my dad if it was okay to move the cat so I could sleep. He said no. I asked where I was supposed to sleep. He said the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Leigh - 13/01/2016 14:37 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, after asking my 9 year old brother if I could borrow his laptop, I discovered that he has matured too quickly for his age by his recent history of gay porn websites. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By BlueBomberXZ - 13/01/2016 14:30

Today, my sister went up my custom gaming computer to play games, she ended up downloading several virus's and destroying my computer, not only do I have to wipe my computer of all files when I confronted her she said, "I shouldn't of let her use my computer", I was at camp, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By DiamondCutterNips - 13/01/2016 14:14

Today, I found out even tho I was the one who really needed a space heater, I can't have it turned on because my sister keeps overloading the shared circuit breaker with her stuff. Apparently her cell phone, TV and beauty gadgets are more important than me staying warm in a room that's 49°F. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Rotciv01 - 13/01/2016 13:53 - United States - Jefferson

Today, My little brother thought it would be funny to come into my room and take my wallet while I was sleeping. How do I know? I walk into his room and see cut up pieces of cash with my wallet next to him, FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By StillLoveHerAnyways - 13/01/2016 13:44 - Philippines - Muntinlupa

Today, I've learned that it's not a good idea to let the cord of my six-day old iPhone 6S hanging from a 2-meter high divider if you have a curious dog. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 1

By deeznuts - 13/01/2016 13:39 - United States - Glen Allen

Today, I woke up in the middle of science class after having a wet dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 13/01/2016 13:39 - United States - Burlington

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because of how I hit her. By that I mean she is apparently fed up of me not spanking her hard enough during sex, so she threw away our last 3 years together to, and I quote, "get a real man who'll hit me hard enough" I sincerely hope she finds such a man FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By cdawg - 13/01/2016 13:19 - United States

Today, I left my car at home and walked to work because of the snow, only to come home and find it had been moved, packed in a field of snow, and topped off with freezing water to ice over night. This is my roommates idea of a "prank" FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 1

By whattodo - 13/01/2016 13:00 - United States

Today, after talking to my girlfriend I found out that when we lost our virginity to each other she got pregnant off of precum and is having a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 1

By beemerfever - 13/01/2016 12:56 - United States - Laurel

Today at work at the gym I called a member to alert her that her payment was past due and that it was due to the card she gave us being expired, before I could even ask if she had received a new card she berated me for saying she had no money and hung up. I never said she was poor. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By rohtos93 - 13/01/2016 12:44 - United States - New York

Today, my platoon Sgt. decided today would be a good day to wear summer PTs which consist of short shorts and a T-shirt, to "raise morale." It was 37 degrees out and 78 percent humidity... FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, while checking the men's bathroom at work, I noticed one of the air fresheners had fallen from the top of the paper towel holder into the garbage. It wasn't until I picked it up and examined it that I realized I was actually holding used urinal fresheners. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 449

You deserved it 1 608

Today, while driving home from work, I heard a loud crash immediately followed by the sound of wind and shifting glass over my head. My sunroof exploded for no perceptible reason 5 days before Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 231

You deserved it 305

Today, while eating dinner, my child picked up a piece of their chicken off the floor and put it in their mouth. It wasn’t until during bath time did I realize it wasn't chicken but poop that fell out of their diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 200

You deserved it 419

Today, I received more affection from my wife in a video game than I ever have in real life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 499

You deserved it 4 402

Today, I was admiring my nice clean windows. Our window cleaners have to abseil down my apartment building to get it done, so they don't come often, as it's a big job. I was enjoying the sparkling view, until a seagull shat right across my window. Guess I'm looking at that for months now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 661

You deserved it 109

Today, my father and I were out in town when a lady walked up and commented on what a great looking couple we were. My dad puts his arm around me and says "Thank you! We've been together for 17 years." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 951

You deserved it 240