Nearly FMLs

By The "insensitive" bitch - 14/01/2016 06:15 - United States - Seattle

Today, I over heard a group of "transgender" boys saying they are just pretending to be transgender so they can use the girls bathroom at school and snap photos, when I try to tell the teachers they gave me detention for being insensitive to their lifestyle.

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By Anonymous - 14/01/2016 06:15 - United States - Los Gatos

Today, I was on the phone while on lunch at work. My coworker comes into the break room and sees me on the phone. She sarcastically says "I love you baby", thinking that it's my girlfriend and it'll get her angry. I laughed uncomfortably, too embarrassed to tell her I was speaking to my mother. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/01/2016 06:10 - United States - Knoxville

Today I was playing videogames with my cousin, when I felt a tickle on the back of my neck. I dismissed it thinking it was my hair...until I felt the tickle again run down my arm...I looked down at my hand where a centipede about an inch long was sitting. FML

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By nullus_anxietas - 14/01/2016 06:09 - Israel

Today, my mom cut me out of her health insurance, after years of saying she'd keep me on it until she was sure I would be able to afford to take care of it myself. I just lost my job. I now have to choose between food and tbe prescription meds I need to be able to breathe.

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By adwilli - 14/01/2016 05:56 - United States - Buffalo

Today, my dog of 11 years died because the pharmacy messed up her medication and didn't find out until we took her back to the vet 2 weeks later. She was already going through heart failure then. FML.

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By Coosey_Goosey - 14/01/2016 05:38 - United States - Pleasanton

Today, I found out that the one and only person that I hate- a lying, manipulating bitch who I was looking forward to never seeing again after I graduate this June- is not only going to the same college as me, but has the same major, too. I am now preparing myself for another 4 years in hell. FML.

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By shackled - 14/01/2016 05:35 - United States

Today, I finally paid off the $1700 engagement ring for my girlfriend. I also found out that she's been texting her ex who just got out of prison. Guess it's too late to take the ring back. FML!

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By SadHusband - 14/01/2016 05:34 - United States - Kingston

Today, my wife comes home and tells me that she bought a new COACH purse but that it was "OK" because it was on sale. It cost 500$. I asked her why she didn't buy a 50$ purse, she said she wouldn't save anything because they weren't on sale. FML

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By anonymous - 14/01/2016 05:30 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 8 months broke up with me. The reason why? We couldn't have sex because I was on crutches from having major hip surgery the week before. FML

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By close the door fully - 14/01/2016 05:26 - United States - Prior Lake

Today, my bf and I were making out & decided, since no one was home, to have sex. Turns out his brother came home & had heard us. We didn't know he was home until after we were finished & opened the door the rest of the way to find his brother jacking off. I can't look at his brother now. FML.

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By NoPurpleSkittle - 14/01/2016 05:21 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my boyfriend of currently five months, and I were getting intimate. It's defiantly not our first time, so we get to it. My stepmother (upstairs in her bedroom) opens the door to do laundry. We get up, dressed quickly while she shouts down the stairs "You don't have to run, I can hear you" FML

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By ProfessionalCreep - 14/01/2016 05:19 - United States

Today, I finally worked up enough courage to talk to my crush while a group of friends were talking about what job they would have after college. Just when I was about to speak, my crush pointed at me and said that I'd most likely be a serial killer or "something else creepy". Everyone agreed. FML

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By uhh - 14/01/2016 05:18 - United States - Schaumburg

Today, my dad was talking about a trip I took when I was 6. He was telling people that I missed my mom and I was crying. Except that's not what I was crying about. My dad told me he was going to buy me beef jerky and he never did. That's why I was crying. I'm too embarrassed to tell him. FML

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By pissedoff - 14/01/2016 05:10 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I spent 4 hours walking around the mall, trying to sort out a custom Xbox controller with my boyfriend's 11 year old son who can barely manage to mumble a fucking sentence to me, let alone say 'thanks'. FML

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By NoHomeworkForYou - 14/01/2016 05:07 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, my dad came into my room and yelled at me for being lazy and not doing enough chores around the house. It's finals week and I've done nothing but study my ass off all week... FML.

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By hisprincess814 - 14/01/2016 05:06 - United States - Syracuse

Today, my boyfriend and I were in the shower together and I thought I'd be hot to give him a surprise blow job. I told him to close his eyes and trust me. He went to grab something and punched me in the face. To say the least that was the end of that. FML.

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By Poop - 14/01/2016 04:56 - United States

Today I went to a pet shop and found a great big collection of spilled dog food on the ground next to-you guessed it- a fish tank. Guess who is paying 1,300 dollars for a tank and some exotic fish. FML

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By Me - 14/01/2016 04:47 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriends parents announced they where getting a divorce. She then broke up with me because she says she doesn't know what love really is now. FML

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By anon - 14/01/2016 04:39 - United States - Galivants Ferry

Today, I was playing with my girlfriend getting her all worked up, the foreplay lasted longer than normal. Just as she took my pants off I realized I had already came. Without her even having to do anything. She then went on to say "it's okay not the first time you've came before me" FML

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By stupidcellphone - 14/01/2016 04:38 - Panama - Panama City

Today, the guy I went on a perfect first date with (and whom I'm really into) sent me a really cute voice note which I intended to share with my best friend. I forwarded back to him instead. FML

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By blackwidowspice - 14/01/2016 04:32 - United States - Roy

Today, I used a bottle of what I thought was urine cleaning spray, trying to clean up after my dog. I heavily sprayed my carpet in all of the areas I don't want her to go. Only after doing this did I realize that it was a bottle of pet pheromone which encourages it. FML!

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By TheQueenSaiyan - 14/01/2016 04:31 - United States - Sheffield

Today, I visited my father for the first time in 10 years. While I was there, my evil step-mother tried to kill me. Again. FML

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By MikaykayUnicorn - 14/01/2016 04:30 - United States - Blanchard

Today, I was punched, slapped, choked, and kicked by a 7 year old. Ah, I love visiting family. FML

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By sobs - 14/01/2016 04:29 - United States - Denver

Today, my boyfriend decided that I would be a good person to practice shooting his new BB gun at while I was going down on him. FML

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By Major_Mein_Kampf - 14/01/2016 04:21 - United States - Mukwonago

Today, me and a friend were in study hall. We thought it would be funny to imitate the City Wok guy from South Park by saying: "That'll be $52 dorrar prease" after saying "Asians be like". We turned around and saw a bunch of Asians behind us. We got the shit kicked out of us. FML

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By GreenShoes - 14/01/2016 04:13 - United States

Today, I learned I am going to be an aunt. Apparently "My pullout game is strong." was my younger brother's motto. He is 19, still has to be reminded to bathe, and is terrified of my children. Guess who will be stuck babysitting for free? FML

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By Ewelty3 - 14/01/2016 04:05 - United States - Downey

Today, my parents were arguing at the dinner table about when and were I was conceived. FML

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By StaphOnStaff - 14/01/2016 04:02 - United States - Uniontown

Today, I found out after 3 years of being sexually active and 4 doctors visit's later, that I'm allergic to latex. FML

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By ninjamadi - 14/01/2016 03:58 - United States

Today, my car started to shake and rattle when I would get to 60 mph, turns out one of the tires had a huge tear in it. I also need to get the others replaced, around $500 If I get them new. I work minimum wage and have bills for college and the vet next week. FML

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By alexthevaultgirl - 14/01/2016 03:50 - United States - Jamestown

Today, my date (ex BF) informed me his mom doesn't want us in a committed relationship because I'm immature. Apparently I'm immature because I had a severe anxiety attack which triggered a seizure. FML

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The Top

Today, my 15-year-old daughter told me that she's pregnant. To make matters worse, she doesn't know who the father is. She told me not to worry though, because she has it narrowed down to "like, only 3 guys." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 337

You deserved it 506

Today, my mother met my boyfriend. She thought it would be appropriate to tell him that he looks just like my ex-husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 161

You deserved it 2 809

Today, I was walking down the sidewalk and heard a little girl ask her dad why I had blue hair. He said, "Sometimes drugs will make people do stupid things." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 523

You deserved it 38 736

Today, I learned that toddlers cannot fully digest raisins. I learned this first-hand when my 15-month-old began pooping them whole. In the bathtub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 848

You deserved it 7 621

Today, I wanted to show a photo of my cat to my colleague, but my phone fell out of my hand and scrolled to the next photo, a photo of me without a bra. Now he thinks that this is how I tried to let him know that I want a quickie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 203

You deserved it 451

Today, I joined my grandpa on his morning jog. I didn't last 15 minutes before nearly passing out from exhaustion. He came jogging back home nearly an hour later looking even better than he did when we left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 942

You deserved it 6 783