Nearly FMLs

By Ms_ValS - 22/01/2016 05:34 - Singapore

Today, our project was due. I had turned my team's colletive 5.5 pages into over 30 pages basically overnight. The teacher then announced that marks will be awarded based on our ratings of each other's contribution to the team. 2 of said bimbos decided to award each other 10/10 and me, 8. FML

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By melarooskie - 22/01/2016 05:29 - United States - Banning

Today at work, for the second day in a row, I helped a lady at work who reeked of cat pee. The papers I was faxing for her had yellow spots all over them. FML

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By samuellkimchii - 22/01/2016 05:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was taking a shit at Walmart and there was another guy shitting too. The other guy sneezed and I automatically said, "bless you". He started dying with laughter. FML

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By the_best_ethan - 22/01/2016 05:14 - United States

Today, I was asked to the ball! A couple minutes after I get the text I see my friend on the phone with the girl who asked me to winter ball saying in an imitation of my voice "Can I bang you?" The girl who asked me to winter ball won't answer my calls. FML

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By leafynitemare - 22/01/2016 05:14 - United States - North Hills

Today, my store manager told us if we are not smiling at all times, we will get a write up by him personally. My friend who's worked there as long as I have, said "nobody can smile that much" to which he announced "every single one of you is easily replacable." FML

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By CoolArrow - 22/01/2016 05:14 - United States - Watsonville

Today, I came home to find the money I hide in a shoebox gone, after trying to find it for an hour, I discovered that my brother took it to buy a monitor for his PC cause he needed his monitor to have better pixels, I was saving that money for Fanime. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/01/2016 05:09 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I learned that my boyfriend's grandparents essentially don't want us together. Normally this wouldn't be a problem, and I'd say fuck it and stick with him but this is my moms best friend. I'm now stuck between ruining my moms friendship, or continuing to be with this guy. FML.

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By leafynitemare - 22/01/2016 05:06 - United States - North Hills

Today, our store manager told us that he was tired of our "shit" and if we didn't circle every single survey on the tops of the receipts, he would write us up personally. He then stood at the door. FML

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By abbylouwho13 - 22/01/2016 04:42 - United States

Today, I stuck my phone between my legs while sitting in my wheelchair. I then peed my pants. Which then soaked into my phone; which is now broken and smells like urine. FML

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By ALT9 - 22/01/2016 04:38 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I was playing a video game with my dad. The only other person I know he had played this game with is his new girlfriend, a girl about half his age. His character's name was saved as 'Daddy'. I'm scarred for life. FML

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By dmcintosh - 22/01/2016 04:34 - United States - Ruston

Today, due to unforeseen circumstances I discovered that I will be living with three very pregnant women for the next few weeks FML

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By Wow Thanks... - 22/01/2016 04:32 - United States - Detroit

Today, as I have already been thinking too much and feeling down all week, my friend decided to point out all my flaws during one of our classes. This has been happening all week. It's humiliating. FML.

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By acrylicnono - 22/01/2016 04:18 - United States - Williston

Today, I reached into my couch to grab something and felt a sharp pain. Now this wouldn't have been a big deal if I hadn't pulled my hand out to see my pinky covered in blood. My fake nail got caught and pulled my entire real nail off. FML

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By Arthurie - 22/01/2016 04:17 - United States - Plainview

Today, I realized that I have 5 tests tomorrow, two of them parts of a midterm, all in a row. This would be fine, if I didn't get crippling anxiety before exams. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/01/2016 04:14 - United States - Everett

Today, after ages of painstaking shit work, with long hours and little sleep to receive the promotion I've wanted so much, they decided to give the promotion to the new employee because "You are doing so well in this position I want to keep you in this position." FML

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By Life_sucksXx - 22/01/2016 04:14 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had a panick attack over asking for a plunger. FML

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By Lime23 - 22/01/2016 04:09 - United States

Today, I was at my job as a waiter at a thai restaurant. Four ladies every week come in literally 1 minute before the kitchen closes and we have told them this before. So while they know that they are holding everybody up they order their usual $80-$90 meal and leave a $5 tip. FML.

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You deserved it 1

By NOT a copycat - 22/01/2016 04:05 - United States - Midland

Today, I turned in a paper on the deadline, as I've had exams the last two weeks. It turns out, according to a website, thaf I've plagiarized. I already submitted it, and I don't know what I apparently plagiarized. This paper makes or breaks my grade, and could ruin my permanent record. FML

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By nemeroff - 22/01/2016 04:04 - United States - Pelham

Today, I slept with my boyfriend. Or at least I thought I did. He and his twin brother apparently thought it would be funny to play a prank on me and my sister. We still don't know which one we slept with. FML.

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By Anonymous - 22/01/2016 04:00 - Sri Lanka - Colombo

Today, my lecturer announced the names of those who fail to graduate, which included mine. After hours of crying,getting laughed at and a phone call home, the lecturer called me in to apologize since he read it wrong. Everyone is convinced that I had sex with him. FML

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By your shitting me - 22/01/2016 03:38 - United States

Today, I rode my bike to the store. I left my bike outside, because I was coming right back out. There was a homeless man nearby. When I came back out, neither was my bike or the homeless man there anymore. FML

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By rndm32 - 22/01/2016 03:35 - United States - Tifton

Today, I found out my wife has two husbands. And somehow, I'm not one if them. FML

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By always_shy - 22/01/2016 03:35 - Australia - Crib Point

Today, I wasn't feeling well so I decided to have a lay down, when I woke up a few hours later I found out that my cat brought a mouse in the house and ate it on my pillow beside my head.. FML

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By Violenna - 22/01/2016 03:32 - United States - Placentia

Today, my friend asked me why I was smiling so much, while I was absentmindedly staring off into the distance. She assumed I was thinking about some guy. She was partially correct. I was fantasizing about how better life would be without my bastard of a father. FML.

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By Scrambled - 22/01/2016 03:32 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I admitted to myself that I need more sleep. I came to this realization when I took far too long to remember what I had worn earlier this morning while still wearing the same outfit. FML

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By The_Potato_Lord - 22/01/2016 03:24 - United States - Saint Albans

Today, me and my brother went to a park. There was a seesaw we were on. When I tried to get off, I fell and hit my head. I also pissed myself. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/01/2016 03:20 - United States - Oviedo

Today, I found out that the person I added on facebook and believed to be my uncle actually isn't related to me. He just happens to have the exact same name and thought it would be funny to add everyone with that last name. I had no idea and my dad won't stop laughing. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/01/2016 03:05 - United States - Zanesville

Today, My Grandpa died. How did I find out? Facebook. FML

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By Suicidal_Divide - 22/01/2016 03:02 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got bitched at for putting in job applications, but not a welfare application. FML

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By oceaneyes213 - 22/01/2016 02:59 - United States - Richmond

Today,I got an email from HR reminding me that hourly employees don't come to work when the university is closed.Shortly after,I got one from my boss telling me that I have to come in at 6 am and work as long as I can,despite going over my limit of hours for the week.I could get fired for this. FML

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend surprised me with a bouquet of flowers he'd picked himself. This would’ve been romantic, had they not all been Poison Hemlock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 678

You deserved it 118

Today, I finally realized my sister-in-law tilts all the artwork on my walls every time she visits. Apparently, she's been doing this for years, just to drive me crazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 362

You deserved it 734

Today, I was in a hurry to catch a plane. I got halfway to the airport when I realized I'd forgotten my phone. I drove back to the house and searched for it. I finally gave up and returned to the airport, only to find that I was 10 minutes late for my plane. Just then, my pocket vibrated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 932

You deserved it 40 542

Today, my boyfriend came to wake me up with some flowers and breakfast in bed. We started getting intimate, after a short while, there was a knock. We looked out of the window and there was the window cleaner with his thumbs up and grinning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 359

You deserved it 5 077

Today, I went to a baseball game with my wife. During intermission, the kiss cam chose my wife and me. So, what do you expect, I kissed her, but she decided to slap me and pretend she didn't know me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 146

You deserved it 205

Today, my husband came running with his phone to “show me what our son did.” Was it a funny dance video? No. Was it a neat drawing? No. It was a turd. A foot long turd curled up in the toilet bowl. And it came out of our 5 year-old. He’s his daddy’s boy all right. Ew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 119