Nearly FMLs

By sharkgirl4 - 22/01/2016 21:32 - United States - Rialto

Today, at the restaurant where I work, a man 20+ years my senior asked if I was "offered on the dessert menu". I'd be more appalled if that wasn't the tenth time I've heard that in recent memory. FML

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By Urinedealer - 22/01/2016 21:29 - United States - Clinton

Today, my mom found out I've been selling my urine to help people pass drug tests. FML

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By Sig - 22/01/2016 21:20 - United States - Roswell

Today, the VP of my company made it a point to walk thru the entire office informing all of us that we were NOT closing early due to the snow storm headed our way....10 minutes before he left early for the day. Now I'm sitting at work watching the snow fall all over the roads. FML.

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By whattheshit - 22/01/2016 21:16 - United States

Today, I found out what it feels like to sneeze and accidently shit yourself...FML.

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By Anonymous - 22/01/2016 20:51 - United States - Marion

Today, at my grandpa's visitation, my bastard of a brother thought it would be funny to purposely fart and blame our grandpa. I'm pregnant and projectile vomited, without warning, onto my grandpa. No one in my family willl talk to me and I've been banned from his funeral tomorrow. FML

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By slappyface - 22/01/2016 20:49 - United States - Haughton

Today, after an unfortunately misunderstood hand signal, I accidentally slapped my boss in the face. I thought he wanted a high five. He didn't. He moved his hand just in time for my hand to make contact with his face. I just ran away in embarrassment and now I'm not allowed to be around him. FML

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By trollcrusher - 22/01/2016 20:48 - United States - Madras

Today, I was relieving myself at a urinal. A man then walked up to the urinal right next to me, proceeding to piss so forcefully that the backsplash got all over my pants. Right after finishing, he nonchalantly strolled out of the bathroom without washing his hands, leaving me standing in shock. FML

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By ctingey - 22/01/2016 20:42 - United States - Newington

Today, I received a 73 for group participation in a semester long project, this wouldn't be a problem if I hadn't done the entire project myself. FML

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By got my eye on taco - 22/01/2016 20:35 - United States - York

Today, I got home from work to hear my parrot calling for me. As usual, I went to his cage to let him out and the first thing he said to me is "I'll kill you." Fml

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By sad_birthday_boy - 22/01/2016 20:27 - Canada - Bolton

Today, it's my 22nd birthday. I invited everyone from all my classes in school, rented a DJ and even had it catered. But no one showed up. Not even the DJ or the caterers. FML

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By Angelrose2004 - 22/01/2016 20:23 - United States

Today, I told my one year old son to watch out for a big stone in our yard. He looked back at me and avoided the stone, right as he fell into a bush. FML

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By mel - 22/01/2016 20:09 - United States - Kansas City

Today, after much therapy and research, I realized why I'm always getting into abusive relationships.I was raised by emotionally abusive parents who told me I and the things I wanted were not important, everyone else was more important than me.Thanks mom & dad.FML

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By lycia_jayne - 22/01/2016 20:06 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my own boyfriend stood me up on our first date in three months, he decided to play video games instead. FML

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You deserved it 0

By silvermoon5033 - 22/01/2016 20:02 - United States - Homer

Today, my lazy, unemployed parents are making me quit my job because I make more money than them and 'it makes them look bad.' FML

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By professionally diagnosed - 22/01/2016 19:58 - United Kingdom - Croydon

Today, I finally opened up to my brother about my Bipolar and how it caused me to be hospitalised for a month. He then frowned and said " No you're not Bipolar. You're nowhere near as bad as the chick in Eastenders". He wants to become a doctor. FML.

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By Starving - 22/01/2016 19:57 - United States

Today, because of my social anxiety and not being able to eat in front of anybody, I realized I haven't eaten my lunch in two months. FML.

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By time to get my own wheels - 22/01/2016 19:51 - Philippines - Sucat

Today, on my way to work, BOOM! The right front tire of the bus exploded the very moment I got on. Everyone gave me an accusing look. I'm not even fat. FML

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By send help - 22/01/2016 19:42 - United States - Rock Hill

Today, my teacher told me to hang back after class. He informed me that I made D's on two recent quizzes, and that I should have D's "somewhere else" by now. FML

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By Can't Feel my Toes - 22/01/2016 19:39 - United States - Denver

Today, everyone in my office went to a dental convention. My boss paid for classes, hotel and food. As I'm a breastfeeding mom, I had to bring my 4 month old who screams when I stop pushing the stroller. While wasting my boss' money, I've been walking for six hours. It's a two day convention. FML.

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By Anonymous - 22/01/2016 19:30 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I found out why my teeth have been hurting. My wisdom teeth are coming in, completely horizontal. I kinda figured, so I got dental insurance. Turns out there's a one year waiting period. Now I'm forced to choose between pain in my mouth or pain in my wallet. FML

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By starving one - 22/01/2016 19:26 - United States - Boiling Springs

Today, I woke up after completing 24 hours of fasting, only to find that I had been snowed in. I have no food in my house and no way of getting any. Guess it's turning into a much longer fasting than planned. FML

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By jeffprobs - 22/01/2016 19:21 - United States - Stockton

Today, I was so tired studying for my final i fell asleep during my final and woke up when the test time was over. FML.

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By ThatIslandKidd - 22/01/2016 19:15 - United States - Yelm

Today, I decided to go to my friend's house after my girlfriend left for work. I walked in with pizza and corndogs, only to find my him and my now ex-girlfriend naked on the couch. FML

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By mariahdanielle95 - 22/01/2016 19:08 - United States - Concord

Today, I decided I'm going to finally take the new anxiety prescription I was prescribed three days ago. I decided to also read the side effects. Therefore, I am now scared to take said prescription and flared my anxiety up because of it. I have anxiety because of my own anxiety. FML

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By selfish - 22/01/2016 19:05 - United States

Today, I when to a friends house due to me and my boyfriend fighting. While I was with my friend my boyfriend called. Thinking he was calling to say sorry he ended up calling to say he was sleeping with our neighbor. I'm also six months pregnant with his child. Fml

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By sydthekidwhowin - 22/01/2016 19:00 - United States - Dearborn

Today, after coming back home from a 4 month acting gig I'm greeted by my dog, whom I haven't seen the whole time, as she then promptly goes and pees on all of my clean laundry. FML

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By anon02 - 22/01/2016 18:55 - United States - Bloomington

Today after not doing anything for a couple months my girlfriend finally said she was in the mood again. The second she finished she "had to use the bathroom" then wouldn't continue or help me out because she was done. She blames me for still being horny and not being able to finish on command. FML

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By What do you mean username - 22/01/2016 18:42 - United States - Sewell

Today, I learned I'm failing geometry class , I checked with the teacher I have A's on all my assignments except a quiz I did poorly on. This just might keep me from graduating FML.

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By HumanitysFinest - 22/01/2016 18:42 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was in the bathroom. As I got up, my loose glasses accidentally fell off my face and into the toilet. I'm blind without them. I had to fish them out. FML

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By potato1738 - 22/01/2016 18:37 - United States - Charleston

Today, while coming back in after playing in the snow, I reached for my phone to realize I had lost it. It's a white iPhone. FML

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I tried to blackmail my douchebag boss for a raise, since I had ample proof that he's screwing a co-worker. Turns out he and his wife are in an open relationship, and HR doesn't give a damn about office romances. Now I have to quit or deal with the most hostile work environment ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 480

You deserved it 64 439

Today, I wrote my phone number on a Post-it note and gave it to a cute girl at work. She immediately threw it away. In front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 474

You deserved it 1 037

Today, I got a XXX wax, because my boyfriend wouldn't go down on me as he didn't like the hair. Now he won't sleep with me at all because I look like a child with no pubic hair, and he "feels like a pedophile." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 370

You deserved it 597

Today, I went to a fast food restaurant. The guy behind me was a pretty hot latin guy. When I went to pay, my purse fell off the counter. My birth control pills, a condom, 3 super plus tampons and an extra pair of underwear I keep in there for emergencies fell out at his feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 972

You deserved it 11 712

Today, I caught my coworker masturbating in the bathroom. This was during her shift, while I was mopping the bathroom floors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 809

You deserved it 888

Today, I went on a cruise. I gave my bags to a porter, and tipped him $5. Later that night, my bags still hadn't arrived at my room, and that's when I realized that I'd paid a fake porter to steal my bags. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 911

You deserved it 5 555