Nearly FMLs

By JamieRivera - 21/01/2016 11:18 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, after loaning my partner a good sum of money and buying us dinner every night, I realized he's probably been spending a lot of, if not all of, his money on weed. FML.

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By Netforce - 21/01/2016 10:55 - Germany - Heidelberg

Today, instead of picking up my new and extending contract I found out I was laid off with two weeks notice and without even the slightest warning or sign. FML

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By gizmodorner - 21/01/2016 10:32 - United States - Howell

Today, I got a massive ingrown hair directly on top of the biggest nerve in my scalp, making it impossible to touch, much less treat without feeling extreme pain. FML

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By BumLicker15 - 21/01/2016 10:21 - Australia - Greenacre

Today, I dropped my keys in the toilet by accident so I went around the house looking for something to use so I could get my keys out till I heard my brother do his business I quickly ran in there and pushed him away... I had to clean up the shit. FML

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By MsMcgeek - 21/01/2016 09:12 - United States - North Hills

Today, my professor changed the midterm date from 2 weeks from now to tomorrow at 8am. He did this to fit his weekend schedule. We were given the review 'sheet' today and it's 18 pages. The midterm is essential to passing and is 75 questions, a bunch of 3-paragraph answers and 47 terms. FML

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By Miss_Chevious - 21/01/2016 08:48 - Pakistan

Today, I learned how it feels like when your beautician rips hot wax from the inside of your nostril. FML

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By plays - 21/01/2016 08:26 - Canada - Medicine Hat

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend for our second time, he screamed "Yeah, kitten needs his milk!" Right before climax. Thanks for killing the mood sweetheart. FML.

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By footloose - 21/01/2016 08:25 - Canada - Port Moody

Today, someone stole my prosthetic leg. FML

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By RandomJam124 - 21/01/2016 08:10 - United States - Huntington Station

Today, my mother spent thirty minutes screaming at our dog to go get her own water bowl or risk not receiving any water for the day. How do I know? I was in the other room trying to sleep. I just had surgery and can neither sleep nor walk. FML

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By RandomJam124 - 21/01/2016 08:04 - United States - Passaic

Today, my mother still believes that my brother's depression and multiple attempts at suicide are just him being cruel and trying to make her life more difficult. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/01/2016 07:48 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I was playing an electronic roulette machine in the casino. Suddenly, some crazy idiot pressed all in on a number. I lost $2000, and when I demanded him to pay me back, he say it wasn't his fault and punched me. The security dragged me out, saying I was "giving trouble to the casino". FML.

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By Letteh - 21/01/2016 06:51 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I bought 200 small crickets for my frog to eat. Whilst transferring them to a permanent tank above the bath tub, I dropped them. After catching them all and starting over, I dropped them again. FML

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By imdone - 21/01/2016 04:45 - United States - Worcester

Today, a customer filed a complaint against me. Apparently, not allowing a non-veteran to use the veteran discount counts as discrimination. FML

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By mommabear - 21/01/2016 04:44 - United States - Greenville

Today, I told my husband we couldn't have sex because I'm on my period, I've been pregnant for 7 months...this is our third child. He believed me.

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By Aziraya - 21/01/2016 04:43 - United States

Today, I was playing Cards Against Humanity with some friends, my ex included. Her black card? "What ended my last relationship". The winning card? "Erectile Dysfunction". FML

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By engineeringlife - 21/01/2016 04:41 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my bf wished that there were more conflicts between us so he could see what would happen. I didn't know a healthy relationship was a bad thing. FML

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By Tyrez - 21/01/2016 04:40 - United States - Broomfield

Today, while sitting on my porch steps I noticed the cute neighbor girl backing out of her driveway. In an attempt to catch her attention, I called my puppy and it excitedly jumped up on my as I began to pet it. That was before I knew it had just stepped in it's own diarrhea. FML

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By emijax - 21/01/2016 04:38 - United States - Brunswick

Today, not only did my boyfriend make me laugh so hard that the tea I was drinking came out my nose, but I also threw up at the same time.. FML!

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By GloryB_2bOoKs - 21/01/2016 04:35 - United States - Decatur

Today, I found out that my ex boyfriend wanted to take me on a six day cruise to end our relationship on the second day. FML

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By PhasesPhantom - 21/01/2016 04:14 - United States - Exton

Today, I'd forgotten my review packet at home. My teacher allowed those who brought them to use them on the midterm. FML

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By Illiterate - 21/01/2016 04:11 - United States - Irvine

Today, as I was sorting books at work, my vision blurred from drowsiness and I misread cook book as cock block. Which would be fine, except I muttered "cock block" out loud in confusion, pissing off a customer that thought I was talking about him. My boss later handed me a kid's guide to ABCs. FML

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By PandoraBs - 21/01/2016 04:10 - New Zealand - Lower Hutt

Today, I went for a work out the gym, this cute guy hopped onto the treadmill next to me, I tried to act hot and cool running but he started chuckling and gestured to my chest... one of my boob fell out of my bra and the tight top wasn't helping cover it. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/01/2016 04:08 - United States - Marion

Today, at my tutoring job, two of my three tutees hit on me. They were the two guys. I'm a lesbian. FML.

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By Smith10199 - 21/01/2016 04:05 - United States - Utica

Today, I was in work and I went into the bathroom to play a game on my phone but as I'm sitting on the toilet playing my game I forget my pants are up and I poop in my pants .FML

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By _ravens_ - 21/01/2016 04:03 - United States - Ashburn

Today, I introducing my new girlfriend to my family. After congratulating me, my mom looks at my dad and said "I told you he's not gay!" FML!

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By Histanial3D - 21/01/2016 03:51 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my 13 year old son asked for a furry costume for his birthday. He was dead serious. FML

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By Glassdragon192 - 21/01/2016 03:39 - United States

Today, after nearly two weeks of getting over my abusive and cheating ex I was feeling pretty good about myself. Then she texted me gloating about how much bigger her new boyfriend's dick is and how great it is giving him head. FML.

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By Anonymous - 21/01/2016 03:38 - Canada - Etobicoke

Today, I found out that my existence was a mistake. I was born in 2000, and my dad told me he and my mom weren't planning on having a child until 2002. My dad wanted my mom to get an abortion, and I'm lucky she didn't. But still. I'm utterly disgusted to know this. FML

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By cry-adult - 21/01/2016 03:37 - United States - King George

Today, it snowed enough for the school to call a two hour delay. My mom decided that I need to wake up at the normal time, and spend two hours cleaning the house before going to school. When I found out I couldn't sleep in, I cried for five minutes. I'm 18. FML

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By upandover - 21/01/2016 03:31 - United States - Charlottesville

Today, I found out the girl I've liked for two years likes me back. Too bad that only lasted for half a day until she thought about it and decided she didn't. FML

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FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I sent my resume to a place where I hoped to work at. Since the job requires me to be doing work on the run, I put on it that I have a laptop. The only problem is that I always thought it was "labtop." I didn't learn the correct spelling until my daughter called me an idiot, she's 6. FML

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You deserved it 42 943

Today, I had to give advice to my best friend and love of my life. What kind of advice? What to wear while on a date with some guy. We're roommates, and she wouldn't stop telling me about everything when she got home. This happens on a regular basis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 469

You deserved it 985

Today, my Xbox blew up. Apparently my wife thought a good prank was to Sellotape the fan holes, because a YouTuber told her it makes Xboxes crash repeatedly. Well, it didn’t crash, it melted some of the casing, caught fire, which also set fire to the bookcase it sits on, the wall, and our 50 inch TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 810

You deserved it 160

Today, I was eating at Steak N' Shake. I noticed that the cute waitress was checking me out. When I was done with my meal she wrote her number on the ticket. So, as I was walking out the door, I turned around to wave at her, and walked into a metal bar next to the door. FML

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You deserved it 24 604

Today, right now, I can say one thing for certain: Despite not knowing exactly what it means to be conventionally attractive, I still know for a fact I'm the exact opposite of that. People have told me that I look homeless. I shudder to think of how I'd look if I were actually homeless. FML

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You deserved it 134

Today, I got my braces in. I also got my period a week early. Tylenol can only help so much with the pain, but if I have something warm to eat/drink the wire tightens but my cramps aren't be as bad. I would have something cold, but we only have frozen meat and chunky ice cream, which I can't have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 705

You deserved it 135