Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 22/01/2016 02:56 - United States - Wilson

Today, I was trying to make a girl feel better about her weight. I almost succeeded, but then the stool she was sitting on broke out from under her. FML.

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By Anonymous - 22/01/2016 02:48 - United States - Farmington

Today, I met one of my favorite tattoo artists in the area after he invited me to his shop so he could see if he wanted to apprentice me, but when I got there, he told me he wanted only a receptionist so he didn't have to leave his station to talk to clients and that he didn't apprentice people. FML

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By okay - 22/01/2016 02:46 - United States - Schenectady

Today, I told the guy I've like for a long time that I liked him. He just told me "aww". FML

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By o - 22/01/2016 02:39 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, after my entire family met up for my cousin's wedding, my pregnant wife kicked me out of my room because she "needed some space"(which I totally understand). This forced me to share a bed with my cousin. After he thought I was asleep he started to furious masturbate and snore like an Elephant

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By mariababess - 22/01/2016 02:39 - United States - New Orleans

Today, I got my car stolen not only did it get stolen but the people that took it ran it into a house, great way to start my morning FML

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By emijax - 22/01/2016 02:36 - United States - Brunswick

Today, as I was drinking a glass of tea, my boyfriend made me laugh so hard that not only did it come out my nose, but I threw up at the same time. FML

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By awkwardbri - 22/01/2016 02:21 - United States - Spring

Today, I got hit on the right eye with a softball during practice.... later on after practice, sitting down just waiting for my ride, I then got hit again on the left eye with another softball. Now I have one black eye at the moment, pretty sure tomorrow the other eye will look the same.

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By meh - 22/01/2016 02:19 - United States - Novato

Today, while walking my dog, I was walking by a man and my dog let out a small bark ( my dog didn't even go next to the man ) and the man picked up some rocks and threw them at my dog. FML

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By YesIAmPlease - 22/01/2016 02:08 - United States - Saint Clair Shores

Today, I was taking care of my final exams online. When I opened the part 2 for French, where you have to record yourself speaking, I hit submit by accident before recording anything. It's already too late to contact the teacher, and there are no retakes on final exams. FML.

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By Vegetables_Have_Feelings - 22/01/2016 02:06 - United States - Brandon

Today, I was with my boyfriend and his friend. I told them I had to go to the bathroom, and obviously, I stepped out. They didn't hear me come back into the room, and I caught them both talking about nudes that the friend had gotten, and my boyfriend asking for them. FML.

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By Anonymous - 22/01/2016 02:04 - United States - Norwich

Today, from the living room, I heard the front door open. After carefully investigating, I found a complete stranger asleep in my bed. He didn't respond to any amount of poking and shaking but looked very comfortable while I phoned the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 099

You deserved it 81

By justwhenithoughtitwouldworkout - 22/01/2016 02:04 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I accidentally left my window rolled down partially in my car. Today also happened to be the first day I drove my new car with its brand new leather seats. It started torrentially raining halfway through the day and I had to drive home with a puddle in my car. FML

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By CalebLawrence - 22/01/2016 01:57 - United States - San Diego

Today, I found out why it's always smart to check your backyard if it's safe before you sit in the jacuzzi. Less than 30 seconds in, I saw three sets of raccoon eyes staring at me. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/01/2016 01:55 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I was diagnosed with a sinus infection and eye infection. I was then woken up from the nap I took to feel better by my DR calling to tell me I had HPV and wants me to come in to discuss the results of my HIV test. I feel worse. Fml

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By Anonymous - 22/01/2016 01:39 - United States - Federal Way

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Everything was going well, until he said "say my name," and i was staring at my attack on titan poster and accidentally responded by moaning "Levi." FML.

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By Alex - 22/01/2016 01:24 - United States - Canton

Today, I saw a very cute girl at a bar and while at her house making out I saw a photo of my mom. My mom gave her up for adoption at birth.

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By disturbed - 22/01/2016 01:08 - United States - Clover

Today, my house was being renovated. Since my guy friend lives right next door, I decided to crash at his house for the night. I woke up to find him sucking my toes. FML

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By Not A Key to Success - 22/01/2016 00:58 - United States - Orange

Today, it was my 18th birthday. I woke up, threw up multiple times, and had the worst headache of my life. I had a huge party planned, but instead I'm sitting here in agony. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/01/2016 00:50 - United States - Mashpee

Today, I told my father I didn't think it was very loving or Christian when he said ALL Muslims need to be eradicated. Now I'm out of the will and disowned. FML

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By Babyface - 22/01/2016 00:25 - United States - Casper

Today, I was carded while trying to buy a tube of super glue using self check out. They didn't believe I was 18. They thought my drivers license was fake. I'm 26. FML.

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By village44 - 22/01/2016 00:19 - United States - Dover

Today, when I was done taking my drivers test, my observer told me she failed me because she didn't like my Trump for president t-shirt. I wear it as a joke. FML

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By Cathulu - 22/01/2016 00:13 - United States - Stanton

Today, my car ran out of Petrol on my way to school. Leaving me stranded in 5 degree weather on top of a steep road. But that's not the worst; as I called for help and simultaneously flagged for help outside of my car, it started to slide down the icy hill and hit a tree. I missed my exam. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/01/2016 00:10 - Slovakia - Bratislava

Today, after some private time with my girlfriend, I quietly went to bathroom to wash my private part while her mum was asleep in living room. With my pants down and both hands holding it, I heard something behind me. Her mum was no longer asleep. And probably won't be able to for a long time. FML

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By Dear_Karma - 22/01/2016 00:07 - Ireland

Today, my principle told me I was suspended. Why? So I wouldn't have to "deal" with the girls bullying me for the last year. Thanks! FML!

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By mswizzle56 - 22/01/2016 00:06 - United States - Camarillo

Today, I was feeling confident going to school after I died my hair the day before a bright color. I took one step in my classroom and some douchbag in my class made a gagging noise and said that he lost his appetite. Confidence gone. FML

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By awkwarsounds - 22/01/2016 00:05 - United States - Houston

Today my classmate picked me up to work on a group project. In his car instead of putting music he accidently hit the video widget and the first video came up was a porn video. Blowjob sounds through out the sound system. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/01/2016 23:48 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I realized how severe my PMS Symptoms are when I started sobbing in the middle of lecture when the professor called on someone else instead of me to answer a question. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/01/2016 23:47 - United States - Midland

Today, my friend asked me if she could borrow my eyeliner. When I pulled out my make-up bag she gave me a terrible look. She was asking for a highlighter. I had just surgery on my ears to fix my hearing 1 week ago. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Bird_Of_Fire - 21/01/2016 23:44 - United States - Columbia

Today, I realized a couple of my co-workers are in one of my Marine Science classes... and were telling their friends about "this ugly, man-chick" they worked with the night before. Guess who was the only other person working with them last night. FML

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By fmlperson8264 - 21/01/2016 23:35 - United States

Today, I have become so obsessed with eating low calorie food that I panicked and repeatedly screamed, "GET IT AWAY FROM ME!!" when my brother offered me some peanuts. FML

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The Top

Today, while joking and chatting with a coworker on my way to the bathroom, I misjudged the distance to the entrance and slammed my head into the wall. My coworker told everyone. So now I'm funny, but not for the reason I wanted to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 295

You deserved it 377

Today, I was with my four year-old daughter when we met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman I know. My daughter looked at her for a while and then asked, "Why doesn’t your skin fit your face?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 575

You deserved it 181

Today, I was very sick with a stomach virus, so I went to the only doctor's office open on Sundays. Even though I was feeling like a pile of shit, I waited for a woman who was walking in behind me to hold the door open for her. She was the last patient they could take for the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 253

You deserved it 3 243

Today, it's been two months since I got a kitten. He loves to hide, and then surprise me by jumping out of his hiding place. It was quite a surprise when he launched himself out of my bag during class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 132

You deserved it 6 638

Today, my father, who I rarely see, drove 400 miles to my wedding. I was so happy to see him, until he got completely trashed at my reception, asked me where he could "score some weed" and told me what a bitch my mom was, and how I needed to lose weight. For over an hour. At my wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 462

You deserved it 4 073

Today, I answered a question in a meeting that wasn’t directed at me. I spoke for way too long before realizing everyone was silent because the question had actually been rhetorical. My boss nodded slowly and moved on. No one mentioned it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 162

You deserved it 341