Nearly FMLs

By running late - 21/01/2016 16:11 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I was running late for work and tried to use shaving cream in my hair instead of the mousse next to it. Yes I was late and my boss didn't believe why. FML

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By Rebecca_917 - 21/01/2016 16:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I am working on potty training my son, I left the room to go to the bathroom myself and came back to him playing in his piss which was on my kitchen table! FML

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By jakedust - 21/01/2016 15:53 - United States - Muncie

Today, after catching my girlfriend of 6 months cheating on me she told me she only dated me to spend time with my cats. After I broke up with her she started screaming and exclaiming that she gets to keep one of them since we are splitting up. FML

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By passed over - 21/01/2016 15:51 - United States

Today, after years of busting my ass I was passed over for promotion so my boss could give it to my incompetent co worker who hasn't even been here for a year. The reason, while I went into my boss's office to discuss work issues, she was going in and sucking his dick. FML

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By Ollie - 21/01/2016 15:35 - United Kingdom - Blackpool

Today, I showed one of my friends 'two girls one cup' in math class. He then went to the toliet to be sick because of it, fainted as a result, cracked his head on the side of a sink, blood everywhere and had to be rushed to hospital because of the video. I'm in a lot of shit for it. FML.

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By wedding leper - 21/01/2016 15:24 - United States - Chandler

Today, I drove two days to my cousin's wedding. The view is beautiful and there's mountains everywhere and my new backless dress is gorgeous... Too bad the hotel has bed bugs and my whole body is entirely covered with bright red bumps, including my face. FML.

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By Ricardus - 21/01/2016 15:15 - Switzerland

Today, it's been 3 years that my mother in law doesn't talk to my husband because he married me. Apparently, she expected him to wait until she died to get married, since "a man can only love one woman at a time, and as your mother you must love me until I die".

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By Anonymous - 21/01/2016 15:12 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, my bladder woke me up two hours early. While in the bathroom with the lights out (in the hope of being able to go back to sleep), something ran across my foot. I freaked, tried to kick it off, smashed my foot into the side of the tub, and broke two toes. FML

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By insomniac - 21/01/2016 15:07 - United Kingdom - Preston

Today, my insomnia really screwed me over. I got no sleep whatsoever last night. So, I fell asleep in the library, only to startle myself awake by farting loudly. Everybody around noticed. FML

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By playswithkittens - 21/01/2016 14:59 - Canada - Medicine Hat

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend for our second time, he screamed "Yeah, kitten needs his milk!" Right before climax. Thanks for killing the mood sweetheart. FML.

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By maybeyoushouldnthelpthefallen - 21/01/2016 14:58 - United States - Coaldale

Today, I got $600 worth of books for this semester and was walking back to my car when I saw someone had fell. I helped them gather their stuff and get up while they commented "these books are too expensive". When I got to my car I realized two of my books were missing and also my wallet. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/01/2016 14:40 - United States - Hendersonville

Today, I got into a minor car accident. The lady who was at fault drove of very quickly. I didn't have time to get her license plate number. FML

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By SoCallMeBubba - 21/01/2016 14:16 - United States - Williamsburg

Today, I was having sex with my ex-girlfriend. As I was just about to finish, she leaned upward towards my ear and whispered, "Are you feeling it now Mr. Crabs?" Immediate flaccid penis. FML

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By :( - 21/01/2016 14:13 - United States - Aurora

Today, my husband and I went to the swimming pool. When I bent over to pick something up, my husband noticed a string coming from my swimsuit. He publicly pulled out my tampon string in front of everyone.

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By Anonymous - 21/01/2016 14:08 - United States - New York

Today, my boyfriend for 6 years surprised me by suddenly proposing. In the confusion, I may have said something that made him take it as a "no". He turned around and surprise-proposed one of my best friends. She said "yes" without second thought, admitting that she liked him since. FML

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By unfortunate - 21/01/2016 14:06 - United States - Aurora

Today, I saw a waterfall. In my bathroom. My toilet was clogged which resulted in water pressure build up and sprayed 2 feet of water everywhere.

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By sinamonbun - 21/01/2016 14:02 - United States - Milford

I've had bronchitis for a week and I go to a culinary school. My mom not believing me that I was sick, had me call my chef and explain to him that I was sick. I did so and after he said it was fine and he would see me when I'm better. Then my mom yelled at him for encouraging me to skip. Fml

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By encryption code is primitive - 21/01/2016 13:46 - United States - New York

Today, at work, my insanely strict and mean boss leaned over behind me to watch the script of the new program I just completed run on the system. I don't exactly know how to tell him that his penis has been tapping my back like a Morse code. FML

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By MBarbeRousse65 - 21/01/2016 13:38 - Canada - Longueuil

Today, I woke up with an itchy spot near my personnal section. After a medical inspection it's turn out to be herpes.... and that's how I learn my 5years relation girfriend cheated on me. FML

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By jarod56 - 21/01/2016 13:28 - United States - Ponca

Today, I drove to school in a blizzard almost went in the ditch three times and when I got to school I got a message saying that the school was closed due to road conditions. FML

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By Its Not Kitchen - 21/01/2016 13:22 - United Kingdom - Nuneaton

Today, my mum called me down to help with something on her laptop. However, she didn't call me by name, she first called me by my moved-out sisters name, before shouting "KITCHEN!". FML

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By broke - 21/01/2016 13:19 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my brother was in a car crash, insurance didn't cover it so my mum is saying I have to pay because I bought him the car & it was faulty.. he was going 90km around a corner to show off. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/01/2016 13:17 - United Kingdom - East Horsley

Today I spent ages at work cutting out coverings for our windows at work only to find Id got the dimensions wrong. When I stepped out for less than 5 minutes for lunch to calm me down, I missed a delivery we were waiting for by 2 minutes. FML

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By breakdown - 21/01/2016 13:10 - United States - Apex

Today, my 6 year old son admitted that he'd caught a bug, put it in a toilet, and urinated on it several times throughout the day. FML

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By Tejanoswhy - 21/01/2016 12:58

Today, I found my obese science teacher on an amateur porn site. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/01/2016 12:52 - United States

Today, I went to a basketball game with my sister. We ended up on the kiss cam. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/01/2016 12:51 - Australia - Geelong

Today, I found out that not only do I have to drive past my ex's house to get to my boyfriend's place, but my ex seems to have a best friend that lives in the same street as my boyfriend. I can never make the trip without seeing his car. FML

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By squilliam2210 - 21/01/2016 12:02 - United States - Sudbury

Today, I was sitting next to a girl I've had a crush on forever. I've been having a bad cold lately and had to sneeze really bad, but I forced to keep it in. Seconds later I sneezed. Not only did I sneeze all over her, my snot went all over her legs. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/01/2016 12:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my father came storming into my room telling me he hates me and wishes I wasn't his kid. I'm 25, and moved across the country 5 months ago to get to know him and the family. I guess I know why he hasn't wanted to introduce me to anyone... FML

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By leahrb - 21/01/2016 11:30 - United States - Wilmington

Today, due to being tired, I didn't put on any make-up. When my boyfriend sat beside he started to stare. Thinking he was thinking I looked good without any make-up I playfully asked "what?". His response was to point at my face and ask "Are you going to fix that?"

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The Top

Today, I learned that in a battle to not be dehydrated, I achieved something called overhydration. The symptoms of which are similar to being dehydrated. After emptying my body of what has felt like every fluid I’ve ingested ever, I'm now back at square one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 749

You deserved it 293

Today, a customer at work made threats against me and my two-month old son. Instead of following policy by notifying the police, my manager apologized to him and told me to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 152

You deserved it 213

Today, at the reading of my mother's last will and testament, I found out that despite having cared for her for the final years of her life, she denied me an inheritance. She basically said I'm an embarrassment, because when she wrote it, I was 31 years-old, with no wife or children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 324

You deserved it 2 406

Today, my friends switched my mom and my girlfriend's numbers in my phone. I sexted my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 297

You deserved it 10 344

Today, I was discussing the traffic with my brother. He said the most common car colour is red. I said it was black. We ended up betting €100 on which three vehicles of either colour would pass by our house first. It seems a convoy of fire trucks had somewhere to be in a hurry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 283

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Today, my mom told me that when my sister and I were born, the first thing my dad said was, "I hope they don't turn out vegetarian." I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 554

You deserved it 10 189