Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 21/01/2016 23:32 - Canada - Sidney

Today, after returning from a road trip with 3 friends, my girlfriend found a porn magazine on the floor of the car. I have an Irish background, and she is Haitian. Apparently, all of the models in the magazine are white. She is genuinely furious. FML

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By anonymousgirl97 - 21/01/2016 23:32 - United States - Kill Devil Hills

Today, I told my fiancé I wanted to move in together. He responded I have tho ask his dad to move in with his parents. I meant get our own place. FML

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By oksureeee - 21/01/2016 23:16 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. When he started to orgasm, he screamed "Yes Lexy!" at the top of his lungs. My name isn't Lexy. That's my sisters name. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/01/2016 23:14

Today, I was working on an important project for my foreign language class. I was nearly finished when, for no reason at all, iMovie froze my computer. I restarted my computer, and lost my project. When I try to make a new project it gives me an error message saying this action could not be done FML

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By ss - 21/01/2016 22:35 - United States - Newark

Today, A friend owed me 50k. I accidentally gave him the wrong account number and now that 50k is sitting in some stranger's account. Running behind both banks to fix this FML

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By just a letter :( - 21/01/2016 22:24 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I put an anonymous love letter between my crushes windshield wipers. Her best friend saw the whole thing, attacked me with her umbrella for touching my crushes car, and threatened the call the police with the "freaking propaganda you pasted there". FML.

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By feytensn - 21/01/2016 22:18 - Belgium - Leuven

Today, five minutes after I broke up with my boyfriend, he told me his grandmother died. FML

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By bachelor by choice - 21/01/2016 22:13 - Philippines - Sucat

Today, my mom once again paired me up with another one of her foreign students, forcing me to go on a date stating: "I heard you like the quirky ones.". "Quirky" is an understatement, for this one appears delicate and demure, but thinks gore is cute and takes pleasure in sniffing raw sewage. FML

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By ihatemyjob - 21/01/2016 22:00 - United States - Reno

Today, someone somehow managed to slip a used condom into the tip jar. Guess how I found out. FML

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By DubsVision - 21/01/2016 21:52 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, at school my friends thought it would be funny to rip up a project that was 11 pages long and worth 1/2 of my grade and it was due today.. My teacher doesn't believe me.... FML

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By NeverGotToFinishShouldntHaveStarted - 21/01/2016 21:51 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I had sex with let's just say a clone of Sheldon Cooper and as soon as he was done he yelled out "63 and a half strokes, NAILED IT" now I'm even more horny than I originally was. FML

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By not a runner - 21/01/2016 21:45 - United States

Today, I felt woozy if I moved too fast. I thought PE would be easy enough because I am in a yoga class and therefore normally do not have to do much quick moving. Instead of tomorrow, our Run For 25 Minutes Or Get An F day was today. I fainted. I still lost the points. FML

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By gross - 21/01/2016 21:37 - United States - Covington

Today, I was about to pull down my pants to take a piss. Before I can unbutton, a little came out. I was wiping my underwear down with toilet paper when suddenly a lot of snot rushed out of my nose, and I used the soiled paper to wipe it off. FML

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By Friedmouse - 21/01/2016 21:30 - United States - Marysville

Today, coming back from school, I almost hit a squirrel. As I was laughing from the frightened expression on the squirrel's face, I promptly made eye contact with my cat as I ran him over. FML.

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You deserved it 1

By MsBunky - 21/01/2016 21:28 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I injured my knee in an Aquafit class. The same class my Dr. recommended to protect my knees while I exercised. FML.

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By k_a_c85 - 21/01/2016 21:25 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, is the first day I'm living at home with out my husband. He left to go party and be single, I came home to 2 bills and no bed FML

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By _holroyd_ - 21/01/2016 21:21 - United Kingdom - Bradford

Today, I had finished 2 interviews. My last job was laid off so I was desperate and tired. I had my final interview the next morning and so I made an impressive presentation. I was that tired I plugged in my headphones into my phone instead of my charger and missed it completely. FML

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By onlyworker - 21/01/2016 21:18 - United States - Kings Mountain

Today, I work in a food distribution warehouse in the south. The weatherman is calling for an inch of snow and the amount of work has doubled. Half of the employees won't come to work because of "dangerous" weather. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/01/2016 20:50 - Australia - Rosehill

Today, my grandmother who came from out of town, invited me to go to the pool with her, i said sure ( since it was a hot day), when we got to the pool, the real reason why she invited me, was that she needed a partner for her water aerobics class, during the scissor lifts, my crush walks by. FML

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You deserved it 0

By fuckedPriceless - 21/01/2016 20:48 - United States - O Fallon

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. I was arrested when the officer asked about the white powder on my nose. I make cupcakes, not cocaine. FML

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By juniorleo - 21/01/2016 20:47 - United States - Riverside

Today, I let myself have a full breakfast before school, despite the fact that I'm running out of food for the month. The bus driver drove so badly that I threw it all up before class. FML

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By JJ - 21/01/2016 20:38 - United States - Overland Park

Today, I left my students alone with a female teacher while I got some coffee. When I returned, she was crying, and all the boys in the class were masturbating. FML

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By Oedipus - 21/01/2016 20:18 - United States - Puyallup

Today, my girlfriend yelled her dad's name while we were having sex. FML

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By Wraith09 - 21/01/2016 20:12 - Canada - Holland Landing

Today, the tub in our newly renovated bathroom started leaking into the room below. 2 days ago the contractor said "I'm fucking done. I'm not coming back here ever again." because he's had to come back so many times to fix other mistakes (plumbing, electrical, window leaks, etc.) on $9500 reno. FML

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By miss__audrey - 21/01/2016 20:10 - United States - Modesto

Today, my brother asked me to tweeze his eyebrows for the first time. As I was doing them I happened to look down and happened to see he had gotten a boner. Now he won't stop asking me, and I have to keep coming up with an excuse. FML

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By Histanical3d - 21/01/2016 19:48 - United States - San Diego

Today, My son asked for a furry costume for his birthday. He's 13 and was dead serious. FML

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By Sick and Frustrated - 21/01/2016 19:45 - United States

Today, at the fourth job I've had in the last five years I was scolded for being "out sick" to much. When I started I informed them of my condition which causes frequent illness and they said it was fine. FML

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By someone - 21/01/2016 19:45 - Lebanon - Beirut

Today, in our girls night out, i was with two friends at a bar, they started taking selfies together for a long while and left me sitting like an idiot beside them looking around the bar. Its not the first time its happened. Im a thirdwheel of a friendship. FML

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By Hiimhaileypotter - 21/01/2016 19:39 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, my mom tried to slap me in the face and hit my eye full force. She claims there was a mosquito on my eyelid. It's January. FML

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By anon - 21/01/2016 19:09 - United States - Lafayette

Today, my daughter slept with me in my bed. She talks in her sleep, and I woke up to her mumbling something about gathering all the guns in the house. I'm scared. FML

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The Top

Today, my long-term relationship of over a decade ended very badly. We didn't speak nor look at each other while I was dropping his stuff off. Of course, my car battery died, and I had to ask him for help and had to see his parents. His dad couldn't get the hood open for about ten minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 483

You deserved it 129

Today, my college professor handed every student a note card and told us to rate his looks from 1 to 5. Is this what I pay $20,000 a year for? FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 356

You deserved it 3 783

Today, a tourist from an English-as-second-language country taught me a new word. In English. FML

I agree, your life sucks 148

You deserved it 725

Today, I was leaving Wal-Mart with my daughter when a man was speeding the wrong way in the parking lot. To avoid getting hit, I pulled over to the side. He thought I was going the wrong way. He got out cursing and screaming and punched a dent in my hood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 963

You deserved it 2 451

Today, for my husband's birthday next weekend, I booked a holiday which he was happy about… until I told him it was a surprise family holiday so I'd invited his kids and their families. Now he doesn’t want to go and has made up a fake work emergency. He’s a bus driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 481

You deserved it 1 267

Today, after I bought a ticket to Colombia back in April this year to travel in December. I was waiting for my passport to get mailed. My flight was on December 17; I received my passport on December 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 374