Nearly FMLs

By awesome. - 21/01/2016 18:48

Today, me and the guy I've been seeing decided to do anal. Everything was fine until we decided to take a break and he pulled out. Something felt weird and I yelled "I just pooped!" It was just the condom. FML

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By peachesforever - 21/01/2016 18:47 - Lithuania - Kaunas

Today, my dad finally apologized for beating the living shit out of me on Christmas evening for literally no reason, just because he was drunk. I'm 18yo girl and couldn't protect myself, so I had to run out of the house. Barefoot. In winter. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/01/2016 18:44 - South Africa - Durban

Today a teacher found out about something I did last year and gave me a weeks internal suspension. I would be okay with this If I hadn't already been punished for my actions.FML

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By Anonymous - 21/01/2016 18:42 - United States - Grand Blanc

Today, I logged in to my school account to submit one of my final papers only to find it missing along with several other important papers. FML

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By ellisp1 - 21/01/2016 18:35 - United States - Omaha

Today, my brother tried to light his farts on fire. He got one to light, but the flame blew into the couch I was sitting on, and lit the couch on fire. My legs were caught in the flames too. FML

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By 3_n_Done - 21/01/2016 18:31 - United States - Tracy

Today, I got dumped. Apparently, because we clicked together so well and so quickly, I must have deep problems, like "probability stalking" her. FML

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By ME - 21/01/2016 18:30 - El Salvador - San Salvador

Today, after almost a year engaged and close to our wedding, my girl dumped me. The reason: I worked too hard and think too much about the future and therefore I forgot to take care of the present. So basically I messed up for thinking about a future together. FML

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By Heartless? - 21/01/2016 18:29 - United Kingdom - Northampton

Today, it's been two months since I told a guy I loved him during one of my euphoric bi-polar episodes. He loves me, but I don't think I love him and I don't know what to do. FML

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By anonymous - 21/01/2016 18:27

Today I found out that my boyfriend of two months was going to break up with me because quote on quote I'm too beautiful and his friends want to f*ck me. FML

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By Wolverine33 - 21/01/2016 18:24 - United States - Houston

Today, I realized that I'm in love with a girl who is in love with a girl who is in love with me. FML

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By blakeyboy22 - 21/01/2016 18:03 - United States - Tremont

Today, I woke up hungover and violently ill. I was then reminded by my roommate that in my drunken stupor last night I ate a 12 oz filet and potato with extra bacon and cheese. Normally this wouldn't be an issue, if I hadn't been a Vegan my entire life. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/01/2016 17:56 - United States - Saint Louis

My fiancee has never had an orgasm before last night. After a lot of toy use and going down on her she finally reached climax. However she also had a stomach flu and the orgasm caused her to spray diarrhea all over me and the bed. On top of that mess she never wants to try again. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/01/2016 17:53 - Austria - Vienna

Today I learned that by leaving my wife in charge of finding and booking the cheapest possible flights for our next holiday, we would end up with 13 flights in 17 days, including a daytrip to another continent that consists of 6 hours on the ground and 6 hours on the plane. I really hate flying. FML

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By the nice guy - 21/01/2016 17:53 - United States - Dallas

Today, I found out that the girl I'm talking to is probably getting back with the douchebag ex. Third times it's happened to me in three months. FML

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You deserved it 1

By sarcasmismyno1 - 21/01/2016 17:49

Today, I was doing that thing I do at the grocery store where I look in other people's carts and judge them. Then I looked at my own basket and realized that I was buying gin, coffee, and rice cakes. FML

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By disturbed - 21/01/2016 17:45 - United States - Dayton

Today, while on my boyfriends computer I came across a file full of porn. In addition to videos I discovered pictures of my face mixed together with his ex's face. FML

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By AnonModel - 21/01/2016 17:35 - United States - Monterey

Today, my mom texted me saying my SAT scores came in. I asked what I got and her reply: "It's a good thing you make a living off your looks." FML

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By Why me - 21/01/2016 17:33 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my friend asked what YouTube should've been called. I said "red tube" because you know, YouTube has red o the logo. Apparently it's a porn site. FML

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By AnonModel - 21/01/2016 17:28 - United States - Monterey

Today, I was told that I looked 18 so it'd be ok if we f*cked. FML

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By Frozone - 21/01/2016 17:06 - United States - Bath

Today, I waited outside for my brother to give me a ride home. I thought he would be right out, but he ended up talking to people, keeping me waiting in the freezing cold for half an hour. I froze my ass off. FML

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By thrownunderthebus - 21/01/2016 17:03 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had a patient's family threaten to call their lawyer on me because one of the aides at her ALF flat out lied to them that I hadn't visited the patient and didn't know who I was, I saw her (the patient and aide) the day before. FML

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By Superintendent_Scratchy - 21/01/2016 16:54 - United States - Morgantown

Today, I realized that the "fever blister" on my lip, was actually poison ivy. I also discovered that the "bug bite" on my cheek was also, poison ivy. There is snow on the ground outside, I don't know how I got it, but I also know I'm trapped at home without anti-itch cream. FML

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By cillit bang - 21/01/2016 16:43 - Estonia - Tartu

Today, I had to beg my roommate to change his views on cleaning. He thinks that putting cleaner in a toilet bowl and letting it sit for three hours is the same as actually using a toilet brush. Nobody is allowed to use the toilet for another two hours. FML

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By MotionSick - 21/01/2016 16:42 - Canada - Guelph

Today, my stomach was hurting when I got onto the bus. I was almost at my stop when I got super hot and my motion sickness got unbearable. I vomited all over the front of the bus. They had to call a new one for all the people still on it. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/01/2016 16:42 - Hungary - Budapest

Today, my boyfriend is moving abroad. I can't even tell how many times this has happened to me since I started dating. FML

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By crinitis - 21/01/2016 16:41 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I discovered how it feels to have a casserole dish explode less than a foot away from you. FML

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By bananas716 - 21/01/2016 16:36 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend and I were driving past a wal-mart. We saw a homeless man sitting outside on the street. With a closer inspection we noticed there was another homeless man with him. Although this man had his head in the other mans crotch with a blanket over him. FML

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By unseenparticles - 21/01/2016 16:35 - United States - Norcross

Today, I was taking a shower with my boyfriend. We were getting intimate when he said he needed to pee first. I tried to push his erect member away so it wouldn't get on me, but when I did it bounced back up and some of his pee landed straight in my mouth. FML

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By RealShitSituation - 21/01/2016 16:31 - United Kingdom - Swansea

Today, I was ill and my partner lovingly took care of me. After he washed my hair in the shower, I went to step out. Just as my partner enveloped me in the towel- I sharted. FML.

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By justgonnagonow - 21/01/2016 16:14 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I left for school. Just as I was backing out of the driveway, I realized I forgot a paper that I needed. I ran back inside and opened the door to find my dad sitting on the living room couch completely naked with his laptop. Wish I didn't see that. FML

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The Top

Today, while driving home, I realized I forgot my house key. Luckily, when I arrived home, someone had already broken into my house. Guess I didn't need the key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 445

You deserved it 2 052

Today, I walked through a spider's web with hundreds of baby spiders on it. My afro is now infested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 586

You deserved it 17 242

Today, I had to catch a shuttle bus. I awoke to the sound of a car horn. I ran out in my boxers and saw a bus take off down the road. I chased it, thinking I had missed my bus. I realized I hadn't only when I saw frightened kids in the back of the bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 275

You deserved it 24 133

Today, I woke up and got out of my room to find two pit bulls viciously tearing up my couch. I have never owned a dog and I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 947

You deserved it 132

Today, I spent nearly an hour thawing out my car and driving to work in this stupid freezing rain, only to find out that I'm now unemployed due to budget cuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 038

You deserved it 2 333

Today, I had lunch with friends I hadn't seen in years. We took a few group shots with my camera, and I went home and downloaded them to my computer. Seeing them on my monitor, I noticed a yellow spot on my black shirt, so I looked down. A big, dried booger was stuck there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 210

You deserved it 10 822