Health: Today, my friend asked me why I was smiling so much, while I... - FML

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By Violenna - 22/01/2016 03:32 - United States - Placentia

Today, my friend asked me why I was smiling so much, while I was absentmindedly staring off into the distance. She assumed I was thinking about some guy. She was partially correct. I was fantasizing about how better life would be without my bastard of a father. FML.

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, I tried to be sexy by pulling down my girlfriend's panties with my teeth. I didn't expect to be faced with the mother of all shit stains and start gagging so bad I nearly puked. FML

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Today, I became the center of attraction of my office floor after sending my resumé to my work Whatsapp group, asking them to share with their friends for job openings. My VP is owner of the group. FML

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vote type 1 6 085

Today, my wife wasn't feeling well. She called her doctor, who isn't seeing patients due to COVID. Had to take her to the ER. After numerous tests, they told her that her potassium levels were low. Diagnosis: eat a banana. When we get the bill(s) from the hospital, this will be the most expensive banana ever. FML

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Today, I went to the restroom at work, but I forgot the press on the button/timer because the lights were already on, then the lights turned off while I was in the stall. I had to finish my business and exit the pitch-black restroom while trying not to bump into anything or anyone. FML

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Today, I went biking. I attempted a large hill and lost control, slipped, and fell ten feet into a sewage pit. Riding home covered in crap, my sock caught my chain and I flipped over my bike. My dad had to spray me with the garden hose, bloody and shitty, in the front yard. FML

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vote type 1 6 762

Today, a couple of friends and I were driving around town and saw a lady who had accidentally backed her car up onto a concrete wall. Laughing, we all turned to look as we passed and I drove straight into a parked police car that had stopped to help her. FML

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vote type 1 102 579