Nearly FMLs

By James - 25/01/2016 18:28 - United States - Columbia

Today, some random lady came in and screamed at me for 15 minutes that her tampons did not work right. The "tampons" she wanted to return was actually condoms for men. I got a write up after I pointed this out for "arguing with a customer". FML

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You deserved it 0

By moosemay - 25/01/2016 18:26 - Germany - W?rzburg

Today, my son recieved a Paddington Bear. He keeps calling it either Petting Bear or Pedo Bear. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Potty Dance - 25/01/2016 18:22 - United States - Absecon

Today, my six year old was doing what appeared to be the potty dance in line at subway. I asked him if he had to use the bathroom, and he looks to me, smiles and shakes his head. A few moments later, a turd falls from the bottom of his pants. FML

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By SodaPop31 - 25/01/2016 18:16 - United States

Today, my dog peed along the bottom of my dress and I didn't notice till I got to work. I had to wash my dress in a toilet stall because the main bathroom door didn't lock. FML

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By stoned - 25/01/2016 18:09 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I went out to buy toilet paper because I really had to go. I get home, run upstairs and rush to the toilet. Guess what I forgot downstairs. I'm home alone.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By oh_hell_naw - 25/01/2016 18:05 - United States - Bristow

Today, I didn't finish memorizing a piece for my music class because I had a fever of 106. My mom decided the appropriate thing to do, is to delete ten of my iTunes for every day the song isn't memorized. It's a seven page piece, and I got two pages before I got sick. FML.

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By kill me now - 25/01/2016 18:00 - United States - Manassas

Today, I realized my sinus infection is back with a vengeance. It's pretty painful. There's .25 mile of 2 ft deep snow between me and the plowed road to the pharmacy where my Dr called in an antibiotic. Thanks, Blizzard of 2016. FML.

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By Anonymous - 25/01/2016 17:46 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I realized that the only thing I've had on my lap in the past 2 years is my stomach. FML

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By MariaGiovanni - 25/01/2016 17:24 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, at work I was checking customers ID's when I was yelled at and accused of being racist several times. I work on a military base and we have to check everyone including other employees for current ID.

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By Bastard brother - 25/01/2016 17:00 - Anonymous Proxy

Today, my older brother has a brain problem but he uses it as an excuse to bully me and get away with it. I finally got fed up of him smirking at me so today when he punched me again I punched him right back. Guess who got suspended from school for hitting a "defenseless" disabled student FML

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By Fairyland Refugee - 25/01/2016 16:43 - United States - New York

Today, I baby sat my neighbor's 5 and 6 year old girls. When they got home I answered the door... in full make up and wearing a make-shift fairy princess tutu complete with accessories. P.S: I'm not getting paid for this. FML

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By ughjhhhhhhhhh - 25/01/2016 16:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I'd just spent £350 on Valentine's gifts for my girlfriend of 2 years, right after leaving the mall feeling like a great boyfriend I get a text saying: 'it's over.' FML

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By ScenePanda45 - 25/01/2016 16:38 - United States

Today, my mom wished me good luck at my track meet today..I wrestle mom thanks for noticing. FML.

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By ShoveledIn - 25/01/2016 16:30 - United States - Bellerose

Today, I came out of my house to find my car buried in a mountain of shoveled snow, despite having parked in a clean spot the night before. A note was attached to the car that stated, "Thanks for stealing my spot fuckwad, next time I'll bury you too!" FML

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By HollyQuinn - 25/01/2016 16:16 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I went to bed feeling ill. At 3:00 in the morning, my boyfriend woke me up for sex. When I refused, he began having a furious wank in bed beside me. FML.

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By Gracemonique3 - 25/01/2016 16:03 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I found out that the girl I thought I'd managed to seduce at a bar was a prostitute hired by my roomate. Apparently he was sick of my "shitty moods" and thought It would cheer me up. It worked. FML

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You deserved it 0

By gunnstreet - 25/01/2016 15:53 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, a man on the street tried to sell me shampoo. His pitch line focused on how good it was for my hair and that it will fix split ends. I'm bald. FML

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By Holden - 25/01/2016 15:46 - United States - Dickson

Today, I was wrongfully accused of clogging up a toilet that my brother so clearly stopped up by trying to flush his trimmed pubes. I had to listen to him patronizing me the whole time I was trying to unclog. FML.

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By dbasinge - 25/01/2016 15:46 - United States

This weekend at a truck stop, I went to clean my hands after using a particular dirty toilet. The soap dispenser squirted a smelly brownish liquid into my hand that was definitely not hand soap. Now what. FML.

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By SixxSevenfold - 25/01/2016 15:36 - United States - Woonsocket

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a tickle fight as he tried turning me on. He had me pinned to the bed by my wrists and as I was straining myself trying to break free so I could tickle him back, I farted. Loudly. He won't stop laughing. FML

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You deserved it 1

By Xx__shadow__xX - 25/01/2016 15:26 - United States - Trenton

Today, my parents are claiming they don't have favorites. So I'm here trying to play video games by myself and my little sister walks in and asks if she can play. My parents literally wake up from a nap, yanks the controller out of my hand, and gives it to her along with $20. Favorite my ass. FML

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By JordanFromTarget - 25/01/2016 15:18 - United States - West Des Moines

Today, working as a cashier at my local store, a customer came through my line and demanded I change price on an item. Being under 80% of the original price, I could not change it and asked if she wanted me to put it back for her. She answered by phoning the store regional manager to complain. FML

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By PingusTheDingus - 25/01/2016 15:15 - United States - Marietta

Today, I went to my first Speech tournament. I was very excited, and actually confident in myself. I performed, and right at the end, one of the three judges said "Dude... you are really sucky at this. Last place." He didn't even write anything on my ballot. Neither did any of the other judges. FML

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By le jocker - 25/01/2016 15:05 - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Today, My son bought our 2 cats to his school. When his teacher asked him why, he responded "I heard daddy say to mommy, I'm gunna eat that pussy when the kids go to school." And proceeded to tear up. He's 15 years old. FML.

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By senor_octubre - 25/01/2016 14:59 - United States - Nashville

Today, I volunteered to help with some field exercises with the rifleman platoon. It's the middle of winter and I only brought sweatpants and a sweatshirt. I can't feel my legs. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/01/2016 14:43 - United States - Swartz Creek

Today, I woke up farting, which wouldn't have been that embarrassing except that my boyfriend had spent the night. It woke both of us up. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/01/2016 14:33 - United States

Today, I learned that my girlfriend is going to become my step-sister. We just got engaged. FML

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By the_rascal64 - 25/01/2016 14:30 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I found out how dependent I am on the bidet I own. I am scared to use a toilet that does not have one installed. FML

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By IDontHaveGoodFriends - 25/01/2016 14:27 - United States

Today, I finally came home from the hospital after having been in a car crash. My "friends told me that I have a handwritten,10 page assignment due tomorrow that I haven't even started. I worked all night, and brought it into school the next day. Turns out my friends were playing a "joke" on me. FML

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By emlizcat - 25/01/2016 14:10 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I finally went on a date with a guy that I've had a huge crush on. As soon as we sat down, the waitress told me that I was the third girl he's brought this week. FML

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The Top

Today, I witnessed a drunk woman going on a manic, unhinged rant about her vagina. It would’ve been funny if she wasn’t my blind date. The worst part is that we were at my favorite restaurant, and I can probably never show my face there again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 175

You deserved it 190

Today, I was texting an artist friend telling her I wanted to buy her paintings; going on and on about how much I wanted it and loved the way they looked and couldn't wait to have them. I realized my phone had corrected paintings to panties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 327

You deserved it 5 667

Today, I signed a two-year lease on a house. My next-door neighbor said she's in love with me, threatened my girlfriend, and won't stop blasting Taylor Swift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 503

You deserved it 4 029

Today, I heard my sister gagging in her room. She was doing it quietly, and I got pretty concerned, after hearing a lot about bulimia recently. I knocked, then heard a gasp, so I let myself in, only to see her on her knees and her boyfriend with his underwear around his ankles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 579

You deserved it 24 670

Today, my debate partner repeatedly said "You mad, bro?" to the opposing team in our college debate class. That debate was worth a considerable portion of our grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 742

You deserved it 3 293

Today, I found out that the myth about what happens when you dream you're going to the toilet is not entirely untrue. At least for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 600

You deserved it 88