Nearly FMLs

By Gaby - 26/01/2016 03:19 - Canada - Mont-tremblant

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. On my way to get my stuff at his house, I got into a bad car accident. He spent the night with me at the hospital. FML

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By EmptyLove - 26/01/2016 03:16 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I realized how little action I've had when my actor took off his shirt and I had to look away and drink some water to calm down... FML

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By Icedangel11 - 26/01/2016 03:14 - United States - Shepherdsville

Today, I found out that the gamer guy comics on the internet were pretty true when I tried to give my boyfriend a sexy strip tease. His reaction was to yell 'NO, I wanna hear my Star wars game!'. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/01/2016 03:09 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, I found my friend drunk at the end of the road after their friends abandoned them on a night out, and then whilst making sure that she was okay I got a drunken snapchat from a friend exposing my boyfriend cheating on me. I can't call him out on it because I'm too scared to. FML.

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By Anonymous - 26/01/2016 02:51 - United States - Lawrence

Today, my cats decided to show me how much they appreciate me by peeing on my brand-new, white bathrobe. FML

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By chubbycheeks - 26/01/2016 02:49 - United States - Wilmington

Today, my manager called me fat. Everyone laughed and then proceeded to agree. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/01/2016 02:37 - United States - Dayton

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. It's her first relationship and she's never had anyone for Valentine's Day. While I was breaking the news to her, a Valentine's commercial came on. FML

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By Exo - 26/01/2016 02:30

Today, i had a ultrasound scheduled to check for problems with my gallbladder. Nurse began to rub warm jelly all over my stomach, before i knew it i had an erection. The nurse then looked as if she was holding back a laugh and i was beat red embarassed. 30min later i find out i need surgery also FML

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By adelime - 26/01/2016 02:28 - United States - Grand Haven

Today, I made a snowman for the kids at the daycare I work at. They kept trying to knock it over but after I pleaded they decided not to. When I was finished, I stood back to admire my work when I tripped over my own feet, and landed on the snowman, destroying it. FML

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By server - 26/01/2016 02:25 - United States - Southfield

Today, I have the flu. I also just started my first job in 6 months. I already have to call off. FML

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By hotshit - 26/01/2016 02:18 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, after a very long day at work i came home to take a nice hot shower, as I stepped into the shower I felt something hot alright. My cat left me a steaming present. FML

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By Death_By_Angry_Mother - 26/01/2016 02:17 - United States - Highland Park

Today, I finally got the chance to borrow my mom's car and drive to school. To my dismay, the only area I could park in had been filled up. With no chance of being able to drive back home, take the train, and make it to school on time I had no choice but to park in a risky spot. I got a ticket. FML

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By icried - 26/01/2016 02:11 - United States - South Holland

Today, I gave my first blowjob. Due to mostly nerves and overcompensating what I could take, I threw up all over myself. FML

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You deserved it 0

By no - 26/01/2016 02:05 - United States - Burlingame

Today, I changed my entire diet plan in order to have less stomach pains and acid reflux. It worked! No more of those! Unfortunately, today was also the first time in a while that I shit my pants. Great new diet. FML

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By homesuckfucker - 26/01/2016 02:00 - United States - Cypress

Today, I shared a seemingly harmless post on my blog, "Never be afraid to double text me." My stalker, who is 7 years my senior and insists that I'm his 'future wife,' took that as an invitation to flood my phone with messages and show up at my front door when I wouldn't respond. FML

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By ouch - 26/01/2016 01:55 - United States - Rockville Centre

Today, I took a shit so intense that my asshole started bleeding. That was about 8 hours ago, and it's still painful. FML.

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By Anon - 26/01/2016 01:48 - United States - Milpitas

Today, I asked my childhood crush to be my girlfriend, she rejected me and then asked me if I could help her in hooking up with my best friend. I was so desperate to talk with her still that I agreed. FML

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By OwMom - 26/01/2016 01:46 - United States - Aptos

Today, my mom and I were at Staples. They had these really big erasers that said "For Big Mistakes" on them. I showed them to my mom. She then put one in my hand, and said "For you." FML

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 26/01/2016 01:34 - United States - West Bloomfield

Today, after arriving home from a long day of school with a large homework load, my parents revealed that I was adopted. FML

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By Sjmm - 26/01/2016 01:32 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, me and my boyfriend of five years were having a normal conversation when the subject came up of what we would do if certain things were legal. I said I would live in a tree. He looked me dead in the face and said he would keep me in a box, I laughed. He was serious. Fml.

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By Anonymous - 26/01/2016 01:27 - Anonymous Proxy

Today, I hooked up with a guy from my university and as he was taking my pants off he commented on how it was unusual for a girl my age to not shave my pubes. He then said I either shave the whole thing or he'd leave since pubes would make him feel like he was having sex with a granny. FML

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You deserved it 0

By KingKA14 - 26/01/2016 01:24 - United States

Today, it was the day back after a week of midterms and finals. I was excited to get my Calculus midterm back as I thought i did well on it. I got a 56. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/01/2016 01:19 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while in the bathtub I thought I had to fart. I was wrong. I had diarrhea. FML

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You deserved it 0

By smyp - 26/01/2016 01:06 - Lithuania - Vilnius

Today, I went on a blind date and it went really well. After I walked my date to her car, I leaned in for a kiss but she refused, saying "I'm really sorry, I can't - my cousin would really hate me for doing this" and just drove off. FML

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You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 26/01/2016 00:55 - United States - Bloomington

Today, I slept in the top bunk for the first time. I fell off while asleep and bit my lip, dislocated my shoulder, and got bruises all up my arm and leg. FML

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By shercock - 26/01/2016 00:50 - Brazil

Today my cousin asked to take a shower in my apartment because his was broken, 3 mins later I had the most terrible stomach ache ever. I shat in the kitchen floor. He saw. FML.

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By anonymous198913 - 26/01/2016 00:49 - United States

Today, I found out some kids were making fun of me for crying during class. I was crying because I found out that my aunt died. When I went home and told my mom what had happened, she told me that there was no good reason to cry and that I deserved it. FML

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By i_hate_cats - 26/01/2016 00:37 - Australia - Ascot Vale

Today, my cat attacked my face because she thought my pimple was a bug. FML

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By big_ben345 - 26/01/2016 00:36 - United States - Brookfield

Today, I was so badly constipated I passed out trying to take a shit. FML

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By PandoraBs - 26/01/2016 00:33 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I was shitting in the toilet until I realized I ran outta TP... I was home alone with my 5 year old little brother, I called for him to get me spare TP and he just laughed, running around the house. FML

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I'm in the hospital and it's been 44 hours since I've eaten anything. My doctors won't let me eat and my parents are sitting across the room, eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 088

You deserved it 1 830

Today, I have been with my boyfriend for about 9 months. I still can't work up the courage to tell him I love him. I've been bursting to tell him for 4 months, but for some reason I can never seem to get the words out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 782

You deserved it 413

Today, I posted a meme which said "I don't know where some people learned their inside voices, but it must have been in a helicopter with running chainsaws." My mom laughed at it. I didn't have the strength nor the bravery to tell her that it was meant for her. Then my dad laughed at it. It was also meant for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 805

You deserved it 252

Today, at work, a little boy shyly told his mom he thought I was cute. I smiled at him as she looked me up and down and said to him, "Eww, honey. No, you do not!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 862

You deserved it 3 169

Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 738 937

You deserved it 496 030

Today, my pasty white boyfriend told me he intended to try and grow dreadlocks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 876

You deserved it 326